nothingspecial

The Last Air Bender: The Review

2010-07-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

I thought it was that

in Hollywood your

only as good as your

last movie. Then how

come Asshole M.

Night Shamala is still

around?!!

Didn't we learn anything after falling asleep through "Unbreakable" only to be awoke by snickers of Samuel L Jacksons Hilarious hair Due? ( I WILLL F*CK YOU UUP BRUcE MUTHA F*CKIN WILLLLLISSSS)

(Excuse me; but uhh... May I have a Bite of your Tastey Kahuna Burger?)

When we relaized the surprise twist in " The Village" is that ... SURPRISE.. there ARE NO MONSTERS!! (Someone one still owes me a refund for that movie... im looking at YOU Gonzo!)

(IS HE TALKING ABOUT ME?)

Have we forgotten how we all walked out of the theatre when that kid can predict the future by reading cereal boxes in " Lady in the Water" or whatever it was called? (Cap'n Crunch next to Cheerios means the end of days will begin tomorrow..... "thats Honey Nut Cheerios".. ahh! than I will be having tater tots for lunch this day!)

(12 Grams of Sugar?!.. The Second Comming of Christ is Upon us!)_

Or what about the movie " The Happening" which should have been entitled " Nothing's Happening". (Say Hi to ya-Mutha-fa-me!)

(Im in this movie and I dont understand whats goin on!)

Look im not saying that M. Night sucks.... (really cuz... it sorta sounds like you are....)

hmm.... err..... no yeah.... you're right.... thats EXACTLY what im saying!

I dont know anything bout Air Bender; but I know this: the raw materials to create a FANTASTIC movie to literally rival the Lord of the Rings Trilogy was at his disposal!!

and what did he do?.... not only come up with something lower and more baby-ish than "Rated G" he literally came out with... err... whats Before G?!

F?!

hmmmm... that worked out well.

Anyways.. the special effects are amazing and the sound is REAAAAAL Strong. But the baby delivered dilouge and lack of concern for the opionions of an intellegent audience are Blatant! ( what is this a Power Rangers Episode?!)

(I look at this poster every morning when I wake up)

also why would you get that goof ball actor from slum Dog Millionaire to play your Darth Vader like Villain?! ( I would like to use a life line yaaaar?!)

(I am an Ewil Ewil Willlain set to Riwal Darth Wader oh VHY VONT you Beleeeewe me?!)

Also if you're going to have 10 or 15 South Asian Character?... tap the Bollywood market for some cool looking people! ( or just get Jake Gylenhall... apparently he can pass) Im tired of seeing the same Geeks over and over Again; Especially Shamalas UGLY FACEE!!!!!

(I may be an Ugly Man.; but you will Never get as many Ladies as me)

Some of the action scenes were tereffic Great Special Effects, Tight action Sequences, Excellent martial arts moments; and reaalllly cool plot and story line. It seems to be a very deep franchise with dope back stories, interesting cultures and races, and just alot of STRONG potential; But in the end none of that stuff matters if it doesn't come together in an intellegent and entertaining package. Like I said; it just had a 3 year old feel to it. 3D glasses and a Large Popcorn couldn't help this 2 hour upgraded Teletubbies prison sentence.

(I KNEW IT!!!)

Im just really sorry that that was my first (and most likely last brush) with such a popular franchise. But im Really Glad James CAmeron Punked M. Night for the Title "Avatar" im not a HUGE fan of that movie either; but it SURLEY deserves whatever title it wants and doesn't need to respect This snooze-fest.

Whos down to start a "M.Night needs to retire from making movies" facebook page?

2 Desi Geeks outta 5.

Gallery Post Vol: 1 ( it can only get better from here)

2010-07-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

This was my Academy Art Submission Project... The 4 hours of work you see before you landed me novice status with a "begenning design course"... awesome.

My favorite sneakers drawn horribly poorly: the Air Jordan XI

Its good to see Sharp Dressed men do average every day things. A slice of "Real/ Staged life drawn straight out of GQ (sketch lines fully intact!)

The All Star Cast from my Imaginary Comic Label: Meet Project Aeon

The Last Castle: The Review

2010-06-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Never heard of it?
Me niether!?

I guess its just one slipped by the 'ol Radar like a North Korean Nuclear Missle.... ( too soon?)...... I see you Kim JUng!

*What does that even mean?!

Pick up a newspaper ya-jackass!!

jk im not sure what it means either

any who... this is hands down; without a doubt; the single best: wrongly accused war general serving sentence in a military prison i've EVER SEEN!!!

OH YEAH!!!! I SAID IT!!!

If there is a wrongly accused war general serving sentence in a military prison Oscar Award?.. This movie should definatley be in the running!

It all centers around Aging Heart throb Robert Redford with a cool aloof bravado similar to clint eastwood or a Hetero- John Travolta.

If you thought PRISON movies were fun! Wait till you see a Military Prison movie!

The crux of the film is the confrontation between new inmate Robby R and the Prison wardan "Tony Soprano"

Its really interesting giving their social confines and limitations how they sort of play this "chess game" for control of the prision. Excellent Strategic Power Struggle. If I ever go to Prison? im going to beable to RUN that spot thanks to this movie! Aaaaand from watching Oz.

I dont know if i already said this but; Robert Redford is a Dream Boat!... there I said it!!... Move over Betty White theres a new candle and flower adorned 20x30 Poster Photo going over MY mantle!!! He's just really fun to watch; a friendly and authoratitve figure that you wish your dad was like.

On the lower end of the spectrum you've got James Gandolfini Aka Tony Soprano "WHOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!! Watch the F*ckin way you Talwk to ya F*ckin Madda ahhh?!"

I dont know i've been watching the Sopranos for YEARS!!! and it just hard for me to get behind him as this sort of soury whoose-bag spineless character. I just wish he had more force and stronger convictions on his end to help even him out as a worthy advesary for "Dreamy Red"

OH also that guy from 13 going on 30?.. or was it " 17 again"?

eitherway that dudes in this movie. I dont know its just hard for me to believe him even BEING in this movie. I mean there are some THUGGED out criminals; tatoos; wave caps; beards, bald heads, and close fades. and then you've got THAT guy all teeny-bopper handsome tryna be all " im too cool to have morals?"

get outta here I seen you make out with Jeniffer Goofy Ass Garner a month ago! dont try to be all Sha-Shank Redemptiony

whatevers....

Its a great movie: clever action sequneces, great protaganist antagonist rivalry, excellently directed ( very cool split screen angles) and just a fun movie to disect and analyze from a strategic battle prespective.

eitherway i'd recomend checking it out with the homies or even alone! just a Fantastic Film that Snuck under the Radar

4 upside down american flags outta 5!

How to Survive a Hulk Attack

2010-06-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

If you ever find yourself in the presence of Bruce Banners bad side. Do your best to remain calm and excericise the below advices to minimize injury or death yourself or those in your immediate surroundings.

1.) If you find yourself blessed with some type of super power be it the ability to fly, an adamantium skeleton; laser visision; or an un-imaginable fortune that has bought you a super suit an an entitled sense of duty to fight crime: scream and run away like the rest of us. The Hulk is the great equalizer; that is YOU will have no more effect on the monster than my 8 month old cousin.

(aughh who's gonna clean THAT up?)

2.) If you have a modern army; equipped with the latest in tanks, guns, and personel: use them to distract the hulk; along with peices of string and other shiny objects. Use this precious time wisely: to evacuate the area

(for future refrence we should probably at a "reverse gear" to tanks)

3.) When Hulk say something like " Hulk Smash You" or " Hulk rip off your arms and legs".. He doesn't mean it as a metaphor; its going to happen. You may as well accept your fate and hope your parents can find your remains.

(I hope I can get Buried in Smallville)

4.) Ladies: Dont be a "Betty Ross".. a females delicate sensibility and kind understanding touch only further angers the mighty beast as he feels like his masculinity is being compromised. Do not approach.

(Jennifer Connley was never scene again)

5.) Bruce Banner is a hilarious dork that we all enjoy pushing around. The hulk is not.

(coindientally Edward Norton is also nothing to mess with: see" "American History X" and "Primal Fear" for more deatail

6.) If you're friend is getting his ass beat by the Hulk. dont be all " hey ya big Lug OVER HERE im the one you REALLLLY want". in an attempt to re focus his anger. Your friend is most likely already dead. There is no need to sign your own death warrant.

(Screw them they're GONE.. lest get outta here Professor X!!!... waaaaait a minute where's you're Wheel Chair?!)

7.) If you live in a Lord of the Rings type universe; and have an army of excellent swordsman; sourcerers; elves and Dwarves ready to defend your Kingdom. Feel free to make a long winded "Gladiator" or " Brave Heart" type speech about the solidarity of the solider and the glory of war". However after your heart felt speech is over you will likely be the one punched in the face the hardrest.

(this is the time when Bravey, Honor, Dignity, Fortit-GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!)

8.) If the Hulk is destroying a bulidng or some peice of architecture that you dont like ex: the IRS building or a statue of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Dont be all like " yeah good work hulk!!!!" If this is done you will have broken his concentration; and his new target will be your face.

(aughh you idiot!.. why'd you SAY that now he's comming OVER here!!!!)

9.) Adamantium Claws are Great; as is laser Vision and the ability to Teleport. But nothing hursts worse than a PUnch to the face from the Hulk.

(yup; this hurt as much as i thought it would)

10.) The Hulks only weakness is his sub-par Cardio Vascular system. If you find yourself in the unforunate situation of being pumeled your best bet is to shield your face and groin area and hope that he tires himself out.

Get Him to the Greek: The Review

2010-06-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

Through 2 decades of mindless movie watching; and pro-activley making mildly humoours remarks during films I think ive ACTUALLLY stumbled upon something worth sharing:

I call it " the couched comedic condition": for the next Several Paragraphs I will discuss the Couched Comedic Condition; if expanding your knowledge BORES you; or if you find the idea of " broadening your horizions tiresome" than please skip the next 4 or so paragaphs until you reach the review. However if you are an enlightend individual and not a Cave Manish Mornic worthless garbage feeding Neanterthal please continue on the next line:

The Couched Comedic Condition or the "CCC"

The Couch Comedic Condition is an idea that you are more apt to enjoy a comedic film or television show from the comfort of your or a friends couch EXPONENTIALLY MORE SO than you would if you saw that SAME MOVIE in theatres! Its the same principle that causes magnets to repell or Hot Air Balloons to float.

Wow Zia! that sounds like a bunch of crap why would I belive you!

Welll First of all Timmy; i'd appreciate if you woudln't use profanity while im trying to explain something; and secondly you should belive me because of this simple fact: Comedy is at its FUNNIEST when its least expected.

(I'll take 3 Jokes Please!)

Not True Zia!! I saw Hang Over in Theatres and I loved it!

Okay again?!!... dont interrupt me?!.. and second of all your like 4.. you probably understood like 2 jokes in the whole movie.... sooo.. shut the f*ck up.

Now then.

The unexpectedness of someone falling down; or delevring a clever remark gives that particular joke an edge that it may not have had if you were WATING with bated breathe to hear " something of that nature". When you go to the theatre you're in a more" engaged" or "active viewing mode" You have a tendency to scrutinize detail and over analyze plot and dialogue. and basically WAIT for big scenes to blow you away as you cynically tap a finger on your sticky non adjustable arm rest. I think this is because it is costing you $10 for the next 2 hours. You are REAdY TO LAUGH!. And when a joke doesn't meet your UN-REAL expectations? or something ISN"T as funny as you NEED it to be to laugh?.. You'r left dissapointed and unhappy ( like a night of love making with myself).

(..... aughh man.... im so tired.... Do you wanna go get some Burger King?)

Conversley; if you're sitting at home just flipping through the channels and " Rush Hour" happens to come on you're THAT much more likely to enjoy it bc you're not "expecting" your $10s worth of laughs. With the dirty "laughs for moeny" agreement out of the table; you are free to laugh and not laugh at whatever jokes you want making the comedic movie experience THAT much more enriching.

It's the same reason why Stand up Comedy works so well. When you see a stranger go up there and tell jokes you have no idea what to expect so you're most likely loveing it. however when its someone that you know like Chris Rock of Dave Chapelle; you're expecting alot... GRANTED DC can deliver; but alot of times they can fall pretty flat.

(Whos Ass am I gonna have to kick?.. oh you mean for the Oil Spill Mr. President? ... What Oil SPILL!!!)

what do you think?

is that a legit theory or what!!???
im a SCIENTIST!!!

i TOLD YOU I"D MAKE SOMETHING OF MY LIFE MA!!!!!... btw where is my hamburger helper?!.. im STARVING!!!!!

(you know Zia... back in my day they called me the " Hot DOg Helper"..... dont touch me)

oh snap I can smell it.. i'll catch YOU losers lat-

ahh shit!!.. the review!!!

okay okay.. let me knock this bad boy out real quick!!!

The overall movie was good.

I really liked the some what accurate protrayl of a self destructive rock star from a more comedic prespective (The Role that Comedian Russel Brand was genetically DESIGNED to play). There were also a few great " whirl wind " fast edit party scenes that would SEEM to resemble a drug enduced party enviornment ( i woudln't know) but It seemed real cool maby i'll give it a try. Does anyone know where I can purchase drugs from?.. I purchaesed some "Shrooms" from a guy in a back Alley in Tracy; but it turns out they were portebello. I mean they were delicious!!!! im just saying that wasn't the desired effect i was going for. anyways.... the movie actually tackles some relevant issues from the artists and managements prespective; like:

if you were sitting across from Taylor Swift on a plain; and yall started talking; and she asked you if you liked her new album; how would you tell her you're not even REALLLY sure who she is accept for that little girl that Kanye embaressed on stage. and how would she REACT to your lack of knowledge.

(gimee this Mic ... AND yo' PURSE!)

Or what would you do if DMX asked you to stash an ounce of heroin in your anus? Or more importantly what he'd do to YOU if you said no.

(anything else you'd like me to store for you mr. X?)

How would you handle getting Courtney Love on Good Morning America at 6AM!

(uhh.. Ms Love we have 40 seconds till air time.. aaaaand I just discovered you're not wearing any panties *sigh.......)

Another thing i've really enjoyed about more recent Judd Aptow ( or however you spell/ prounce it) movies is that he tends to have more well fleshed out characters.

in that there are no clear cut good or bad guys; no clear cut winners or losers (accept for you) ahh i love insulting all 3 of my readers!!!. They sort of call the viewers moral compass into question forcing them to make judgement calls on the characters themselves.

With that being said; there is also alot of fun use of additional muscians ie: Pink: Pharrel; Diddy; and.... err.. Merrideth Vearah?

(Meredith is set to play William Defoe in the epic actors Life Story)

Eitherway it wa a pretty fun movie.

Im not a huge fan of using rappers as comedic actors. I dont like it when a rapper says something un conventiional ( not even funny) just a bit different than what you'd think they'd say in a particular situation and were suppoed to be doubled over our seats in laughter? (ay dawg can I get some more lemon in my tea)...

(is this there vitamin water in this?.. otherwise im legally not allowed to drink it)

Listen do us both a favor tell your STory?!.. and let ME TELL YOU whats funny i dont NEED you to TELL ME WHATS FUNNY.. YOU HEAR ME.. YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!!... OR I WILL GO BANANA PSYCHO ON YOUR FACE!!

........

*sigh*

I think Diddy was hilarious when he did his award acceptance speech with Ben Stiller; and again more recently with Russel Brand and that fat kid from Super Bad; but I dont like to see him all angry and yelling; and cursing attempting to be funny with every fiber of his being; it came off to me as 1 dimensonal and a broad brand of comedy that i'd expect a bit more from.

(just pretend one of the above quotes is written right here)

What I will say is this. Its a fun movie; its a good movie; but its NOT Particularly funny. I was really laughing at 3 or 4 parts that weren't meant to be the funniest scenes in the movie. But they were subtle; understated; genuine and relaxed. I dont neeed huge mishaps, double takes, or the "f word" thrown around like a Big Baby Davis air Ball.

(the Celtics dont DESERVE another championship)

Sooo.. not a big fan?

I wouldn't go so far as to say that. I definatley give kudos where kudos are do. And from my Kudo account i'd like to write 2 checks please!

Sir this is a Bank if you dont have a money withdrawl please leave.

(Im Sorry mr. Akmed? was it?... We dont have Kudos, Cheddar, Skrilla, or any other type of your wierd Muslim Money here)

one cheq for a mr. Russel Brand who is just hilarious in the way that he talks; and his jokes are just fantastically delivered. Its difficult to tell when he's serious or not; but just really fun to watch as a legitimate rock star; or comedian. Im curious if he can even DO any other type of roll; but even if he can't he's done GREAT in this one And in Sarah Marshall (you mean FORGETTTING Sarah Marshall).....

... nope.

my second check would go to that fat kid from Super Bad ( i can never remember his name) Although iv'e seen him do better in other movies; his over weight apperance and poorly grown half beard make him a fantastic comedic victim for Russel Brands hygenics and overall crude Behavior.

(I can't belive you forgot my name Zia.. your such a freakign Jerk sometimes I SWEAR I F-ing HATE YOU!)

In the end?... I'd give it 3 starts outta 5. However had I been sitting at home and accounted for the CCC effect? this movie would have been a 4 if NOT a 4.5!

Dont forget to tune in Next week when I discuss my 5 point Jessica Alba Economic Stimuls Package!

(step 1: WOWZERS!!!!)

Planet Hulk: The Review

2010-06-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

I can imagine these Cartoon Movie execs sitting around in the " Marvel Bullpen" or "Geek Headquarters" as I like to call it. Talking about this movie. " OKay.. the First Hulk Movie sucked... only Umer liked it... the Second one sucked less but since the FIRST one sucked so MUCH and Ewward Norton seemed to hate it too; people didn't bother seeing our second mildly reduced sucky film, NOW!.. How do we Market a giant Green Monster in a Post Shrek Movie Marketplace? I NEED IDEAS people!!!!

What-da-ya-GOT?!

".. ehhhh... WHy dont we take a movie.. that ALREADY Exists... and instaed of whom ever is the star of that movie; we'll put the HULK in it!!!!!"

I Like the way you think Oliver, NOW!.. the question is!!!..... What Movie do we want to rip off?!

"OH!!... Lets do Bridges of Madison County!!!.. The Hulk Crash lands in a small farm town outside New Jersey, where he falls in love with an out of touch farmer played by Clint Eastwood; the two solve crimes together while riding around in their motorcycle and Side Cart"

Hm.... obviously you've never seen BMC; I like the idea; but lets leave that one open for a Fantastic 4 Sequel.

(The Only Super Heroes my Parents are Cooler Than)

Now then... How do we Sell This Hulk Cartoon?..

OH!!!.. lets just stick Hulk in the Gladiator movie?!...

WHAT?!.. thats less plossible than the Madison County idea?

True; BUT!!.. we can have him fight giant monsters, save a princess!! and RULE THE ROMAN EMPIREEEEE!!!

okay first of all; put your shirt back on.

sorry

Secondly; we neeed to keep him angry at all times otherwise he WONT be the HULK!

c'mon PEOPLE MORE IDEAS!!

OH!!... what if we do like a TWILIGHT movie where Hulk is a SEXY green vampire?!

.................

YOu know what; i've gotta have this idea submitted by 4:40; Lets do the Gladiator thing.

and THAT is how Planet Hulk was CREATED!

a movie where the Hulk Crash Lands on a foreign world ( courtesy of his SO CALLED friends) the avengers. Where he Beats the respective asses of: Red Aliens, Blue Aliens, Ant Looking Aliens, Rock Looking Aliens, and Alien Prince and Giant Monsters; all in a script that mostly resembles an excuse for the Hulk to beat the shit out of any/ everything in his presence; but loosely resembles the plot to Gladiator.

($20 says this fight doesn't last longer than it takes you to read this sentence)

With the odd acception that Hulk can not only talk; but maintains an aloof bad ass " "Vind Diesel" like attitude;

What are you rebelling against HULK?!!

*Lights a Cigarettte; takes a puff*

"What-da-ya Got......"

(Hulk!.. youre outta Control!!! LOook I wanan get the guys tha tkilled your partner JUST as bad as YOU DO! but you're not following The Rules! "Rules?!.. Hulk plays by his OWN rules! ".. you Badge and your GUN... NOW HULK!!!! )

and annoyingly slow animation the movie was KINDA fun to watch.

But than again i was rasied on Cartoon Violence. Everything from Ninja Turtles right up until the Batman Animated Series. So any comic inspired cartoon is going to get a sit through from me.

(Is Michealangelo Winking at me?)

But for the average non-hulk/ non-cartoon enthusiast this movie is a definant (and some what boring) pass.

but me?

2.5 Not so Jolly Green Giants out of 5!

Prince Of Persia: The Sands of Time: The Review

2010-06-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Why Does White Boy Jake Gylennhall ( or however you spell it) Get to be the Prince of Persia?!... do you know how many Middle Eastern and South Asian actors would have killed infedels for that ROLE!?

For ONCEE!!!! Hollywood has an oppurtunity to make middle eastern/ Muslim culture to NOT look like the most ignorantly violent culture in the history of humanity and what do they do?!... replace us all with WHITE People!!??.. awesome.... PERFECT!!

well if THATS the case then you should have used WHITE people for all the Persians you killed in 300; and all the Terrorists whos asses Arnold beat in True Lies, and hate on .... I dont know.... WYoming?! on Fox News!

While we're on the subject how come all of these White people are like the protaganists in these ethnically cultural films?! Kevin Costner in Last of the Mohicans?!... Tome Cruise in "The Last Samurai", Sam Worthington as the GREATEST Avatar in History? and Comming Next Summer " The Mike Tyson Story" Starring Bradly Cooper?!

Granted; more ethnically diverse actors like Vin Diesel; and Dwayne" The Rock" Johnson ( can we just go back to calling him the rock now?) dont really make good cases for themselves by starring in idiot movies like " The tooth Fairy" and "The Pacifier"; but All im saying is GIVE 'um a SHOT!?... COudn't you see Kal Pen jumping over roof tops with his side kick Harold?!.. fighting bad guys and saving princesses?!

(nm... I dont really wanna see that movie)

Anywaaaaaysss!!

Overall?

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time or as I like to call it " Prince of Persia: Jake Gylennhalls shirt does not have sleeves" was pretty tight!!

(Jake Gylenhall scene here in traditional middle eastern Action Hero Garb)

The Story moved a bit quick giving it some what of a cartoonish plot; and not allowing vieweres to connect with any characters very deeply; but as far as some of the stunts and special effects go it was ALOT of fun!! (Granted.... as much fun as I could have sitting two rows away from the screen; and falling asleep every 15 minutes* not the movies fault: not to self: never watch a 9:45 show!*) but eitherway it was a REALLLY fun movie.

(I too have replaced myself with a caucasian actor!)

The story revolves around Jake Gylenhall traveling through time ( oh you mean like Donnie Darko?).. err... well no... I mean maby that time travel experience helped him get the job?! but to be honest with you it'd only be between him and Micheal J Fox; and ... let's be honest I think they made the right call.

ANYWAYSSSS!!... Lots of crazy acrobatics; jumping roof top to roof top; you know; basic Aladdin Style Theivery! ( Minus the Gilber Godfrey Parrot) combined with amaaaazingly cool special effects whenever anyone actually pushes the "time travel dagger button" which is not what it was called in the movie... but SHOULD have been!

(Not only will the Time Traveling Dagger cut through soup cans; but if you call in the next 10 minutes you'll get the travel time travel dagger for FREE!!! Just pay the cost of shipping )

Also speical note to the un-usually attractive love interest in the movie ( unforunatley heath ledger wasn't available) but his replacement was nothing to shake a miswaq at!

(YAMA HAMA!!!!)

All in all this movie is pretty entertaining, and if your'e going to see it do so on the big screen; are we talking about Iron man 2 quality block buster here?.. or Course not. Lets just call this bad boy: Aladdin meets Back to the Futre and then CHEATS on her with Indiana Jones!!!! so your not sure who's baby it is... And even though you totally loved her; and really want her back!!.. she's happy with her new man...and they're moving into a condo next week; and they're putting BOTH THEIR NAMES ON THE LEEEEAASE!!!! and she says that no matter HOW many bouquets of flowers, boxes of chocolates, or viles of blood that you send her she's NEVER going to take you back!!!!

OH GOD WHYYYY INDIANA JONES: CURSE OF THE CYRSTAL SKULLL!!!! WHY WOULD LEAAAAVE MEEE!!!!.... im SOOOO LOOOOONLEY!!!!

aughhhhhhhhhhh!!!

mmm....

ahem...

*sniff*

..............but if you've got nothing to do on a Friday Night but writing love notes by cutting letters out of magazines ( and lets face it... you DONT!) check it out!

3 time traveling daggers outta 5

Hulk Vs: The Review

2010-05-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

Are you the type of person who gets bored of Hours of Super Hero inspired Cartoon Violence? Endless Smashing Through Walls; Laser Beam battles and poorly drawn explosions?.... Im Not!

this movie ROCKS!!!!...

actually it was broken down into 2 parts.

1.) Hulk vs. Wolverine ( meh)

2.) Hulk vs. Thor (yeh!)

I will start with the 1.) Title.

Hulk vs. Wolverine was alright.... buts its HULK DVD HULK STAR!!! NOT YOUUUU!!! and with THAT said i dont want all this stupid Wolverine Backstory about how this scientist injected adamantium into his skeleton blah blah blah

(Medical X-rays can make ANYTHING look boring)

I already KNOW alla that!!!! (Trust me I know more about the man than any self respecting hetero-sexual should know) I Just need to see the Hulk do some Oscar Caliber Smashing. Which he does but its dramatically cut short by the *sigh* Story?!

Side Note: How come there's not a best " smash sequnce" or "action sequence" category in the Oscars? I mean haven't we evolved past the stages of giving a crap about " best sound board composition" or " best back stage key grip?" I want the years best explosions and celeberations of violence be appreciated for what they are!!.. Also I want the phsical oscar for that particular category to be holding a giant machine gun!!!

(and the Oscar for best demented clown performance in a super hero film goes to!!!! John Leguizamo in SPAWN!!??)

In that similar sense they should have a "love scene" oscar; in which the oscar should have a....

... nevermind.

What was i talking about again?..

AHHH YESSS!!

HULK; IMPATIENT WITH LONG WINDED OSCAR CONVERSATION!!!!!...
What i DID enjoy watching was Dead Pool.. I dont know if you know him but he had a couple of REALLY funny lines in the movie

HULKKKKKKKKKKKKK SMAAAAAAAAAASHHHh RED MAN!!!!

(This New Valet Parking guy is AWESOME!)

"............ does he mean me?!"

Other than that the drawings were great but the animation wasn't very smooth; (im tending to notice this in American animated films) the dialogue was kinda weak ; and you could just kinda tell they didn't get to do everything they wanted to.

but the DVD REALLY shines on " Hulk Vs. Thor"

aughh man that was some fun stuff; maby its because i didn't really know the History of what Thor was about?... but its basically some lame wanna be Lord of the Rings type stuff; with poorly drawn characters and crappy almost parody dialogue to the Tolkein Franchise (Which basically can be said for any Fantasy/ Legens and Lore entertainment at this point) . but what i DID Like about it was that the Hulk Beats everyones ass!!! for like 40 mintues!!

(This picture is BASICALLY 98% of the movie)

also not to be a TOTAL LOTR geek but they did do some other cool stuff with the characters; and the way they sort of used the Hulk in a Bruce Banner in a pretty Unique way.

Im not gonna lie i was not impressed by the Hulk vs. Wolverine but i REALLLY did enjoy Hulk vs. Thor.

BUT!!! im a complete Geek and i really like stuff like that... unlesss your a true Comic Book Loser ( and lets face if you're reading this blog you are) Then i'd check it out.

Otherwise this is an easy "main stream movie" pass.

3 Hulk Smashes outta 5!

(A Scene from the up comming " Hulk Vs Spiderman" The film is set to be 40 seconds long)

Fantastic Mr. Fox: The Review

2010-05-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

YOu know how they say "You can tell alot about a person by the company they keep."

NO..

well THEY say that..

who says that?

dawg I dont know " THEY!!!!".. just listen to me!!!

For instance myself being a true hardcore gangsters: hang out with other such individuals that engage in gang related activities; succh as rapping; parking illegaly; and paying for 1 plate at the sizzler but actually sharing with the homies. (Thats just how I role SON!)

Similarly you can tell alot about a movie by the previews that pre... err... view? the feature film?

So when you go and watch something like Fantastic Mr. Fox and you catch previews like "Marly and Me 2: the early years", " Chipmonks 2 (is that how you spell it?.. for some reason th at doenst look right?) the "squequel", Space Chimps 2, that stupid roller derby movie (drew barry-more?!... more like drew Barry LESS!!???.. am I right!?!.... nm), and "Gili 2: Pregnant and proud of it" or was it called Plan B?..

Jennifer Lopez Set to Play Free Willy in Disneys up Comming Film: Free Willy 6: Tale of the Latin Whale

Eitherway with Garbage previews like the above mentioned... you start to wonder if you've made a good choice putting this movie on your netflix que.

I KNOW You're not supposed to SAY this but you can also tell alot about a person by their apperanace,

for instnace im an UN-REALISTICALLY attractive man!....

what....

what are you laughing at?!!

.... the same can be said about films: FOr instnace Transformers is a huge block buster as noted by the insane special effects overly hot women, and un necessary explosisons. 28 days later is an adrenaline induced zombie experience as denoted by the shaky camera work and lack of musical score.

The fantastic mr. Fox on the other hand is unusually odd; mainly due to the wierd stop motion animation, bad character dersign , and hard-to-get-into back drops. Which in the end is going to result in.. well a kinda crappy movie.

Okay; Porki-Pine; this is your love scene.... Pants off.... ( but theres no film in the camrea) JUST DO IT!!!!

Overall the movie was very sharp, a GREAT starkly sober humor which juxta-positioned( aughh I can never get enough of that word!) against these sort of odd \cartoon like imagery. Excellent Writing :

" You cussin with me?.. you BETTER not be CUSSING WITH ME!!!"

"put this bandit mask on"

and:

"im going to lose me temper....

when?

now

right now?

... yes right now"...

**" i dont know zia... I sense a bit But comming on"**

well Sir Mix-a-Lot you would be correct!!!

I think one of the challenges any animated film faces is to design characters that are unique and interesting, but at the same time to have those same not SOOOO different that they can't express really strong human like emotions. Thats one reason movies like Finding Nemo, and Wall-E were so sucessful! the ability to take seemingly in-animate or mundane creatures (like fish, or Keanu Reeves) and inject them with this sense of life, emotion, and charasma,which mirrors our own! (okay cartoon Dr. Phil.. get to the POINT!)

Keanu Reeves on th e Set of Point Break

Unforunatley the character design from Fantastic Mr. Fox had VERY little emotional charge, Iwas VERY aware i was watching something with stop motion animation, and just...... wierd. (when you watch movies like Shrek or Monsters Inc; you kinda forget your'e watching monsters goof around or a talkin black donkeys who make wise cracks, you sort of just enjoy the movie for the story and dialogue; and visuals take a bacak seat)

You Can Take the GHetto Out - the Donkey but Not outta Eddie!

This movie also didn't help that its case with that wierd 70s era look; and just some really wierd story.
Overallly mildly entertaining, but you've gotta wonder who this was targeted to?

a bit to violent at times for children, while at other times a bit to dull for them.

and as for adults: it lacks a sense of logic; or legitimate interest.

OH!!!! side note: Kudos to George Clooney who does an EXCELLNT job playing the sophisticated and dashing mr. Fox.

Is it Wierd that im Equally turned on by both of these pictures?

SOOoooo in convlusion: If you wanna see a bunch of poorly rendered 70s animals engage in a bunch of random mischief! (no thanks i've already seen sex in the city ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!) than this movie is right up your ally.

OH MY GOD! I think she heard me!

but for you non -independent movie hipsters I would NOT necessarily recomend the "fantastic Mr. Fox" to anyone. However, I would recomend the films name be changed to " the okay at best mr fox" you know; to avoid confusion.
2 stolen chickens outta 5

Monsters Ball: The Review

2010-04-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

How you gonna call this movie Monsters Ball with no Monsters or sports references in it. If space Jam was called Monsters Ball that'd be awesome!

This movie should have been called " Billy Bob Thorton does it Awkwardly with Halle Barey" THAT is a more descriptive title for this film.

EITHERWAY.... even though it was slow; with sparce dialouge and not REALLLY too much going on.

It was an intersting story. And sometimes with these independent artsy type stuff?.. its not what the story is about...

its HOW its told.

and this story is told Very well. Halley Barry is amazing ( and not just naked) she's a teriffic actress; who plays her character insanely well!

Billly Bob Thorton... meh... he's always like that.. so im not sure what i should be looking for.

It had some great framing and composition work; along with some mildly tense moments of people just doing regular things? It was just a really interseting " Juxta position" \<--- augh i've wanted to use that word FOREVER!!!!

(typed in "Juxta Position" on google images and this is what came up... i coudln't RESIST!!!!)

Eitherway; really well written ( whatever writing there REALLY is) excellently directed; kudos to Ray Romanos Dad for taking on such a controversial role! *ay Frank you talk shit about HB you gonna wind up in an old folks home!*

Also Kudos to Ray Romano for titling the show "everybody loves raymond" and calling his charcter in the show ray romano which i think is his real name?

0 Kudos to Bill Cosby whos name on the show is Cliff Huckstible.. im not really sure why it was called the Cosby show?

also 0 Kudos to heath ledger for eerily for-shadowing his own fate. Err.. in Monsters Ball; not the Cosby Show.

all in all? really good movie; a but slow with some awkward " love" scenes; more deep seated underlying guilt than waht you did last spring break and slightly less racial tension Than Mike Meyers and Kanye West

Also be ready to not be fully satisfied with the end as we all tend to know most " Oscar Winning" films are. As long as you know that going in? and you're aware of the heavy tones of the sujbect matter you're going to have a GREAT TIME at the movies!!

or walk away crying your eyes out

(Jenny; you need to go to the other room to blow your nose; i can't enjoy Halle Barry Topless like this)

im not going to micro manage youre reactions...

Excellent Film.

5 Monster Balls outta 5

Brothers: The Review

2010-04-07T22:53:00.000-07:00

You Know? I saw the preview for this movie in theatres. But after its release date? I never heard about it again. You know what that means?.. BOX OFFICE FLOP!!! (PFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRR)))!!

what was that?

(THAT... is the sound of a fart)

really?

(yeah.. if you READ it.. that's what it would sound like)

... well you dont really read farts you hear and smell them so im not sure what you're doing

(you are TRULEY a rogue scholar my friend)

.... anyways.... So when you're presented with a situation regarding a flop movie; you gotta aks yourself: what do i do? DO i go with my GUT that tells me this is a good movie and worth my hard earned dollar? (or net flix que) Or do i say; the marketing team determined this project to be a wash and so should I?

After consulting several self help books, truth about the "higher power" novels, and a Tony Robins Seminar I deided yes..... YES!!... yes....I will see this film!.

and you know what?!

.. I WAS RIGHT!!!! aughh I feel so self actuzlied!

(your'e Right Mr.Robbins; i WILLL see Alvin and the Chipmunks the Sqweekel)

This was a reallly good movie; There is alot of interesting drama and some crazy stuff that happens. But its not WHAT happens but the WAY it happens. It was very grounded in reality along with the very organic dialogue. You could have sworn this whole scenario played out at your next door neighbors house.

Jake Gylenhall ( must habe been beefin up for his Prince of Persia movie.... I dont see why he got the part! I mean he's not even MIDDLE EASTERN!!!!... meanwhile when I havn't even gotten my CALL BACK yet) but whatevers he was lookin REAL big and he was a really unique character: 40% drunk belligernt loser and 60% just really cool fun loving patricarchal substitute (the PERFECT FATHER!). the movie as a whole was well presented, and as creepy and twisted as it was; a JOY to watch.

(keep going Jake; youre not quite Persian enough)

as for the little girl?! GOLD STARS!! ( thats that what they give out in kindergarden... right?) to the older little girl in the movie who coudln't have been more than 9 showing the vast emotional range of a 30-something women at the tender age of ... er...whatever ( single digits for sure) I was like aughh man this lil girl is displaying this wide array of regular little girl antics and conveying insane emotional tourment ; and playing it belivably; meanwhile mean while I have the emotional range of a Grape Fruit! (I am chalk full of Vitamin C though...)

(gross your emotional capacity has seeds)

as far is being a box office floP? I think i know why..... they leave the film mildly open ended. But i think as long as you're warned about that up front; you wont walk out of it all dissapointed.

but forreal a solid end would have given this film a perfect rating

4 brothaz (another awesome movie; what up MARKY MARK!) outta 5

(Okay Mark; for this shot we're going to need you to look 70% tough and 30% Constipated.... AAAAAAAAAAAND GO!.... okay you kinda flipped those precentages around but the shot works!.. thats a WRAP PEOPLE!)

Couples Retreat: The Review

2010-04-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Wow....

Sorry PJ

THAT was a really bad movie. That Movie was so bad it made GILI look good!

I've never seen Gili but... err.

... I dont know i just wanted to be mean....

was that too mean though?

aughh.. now i feel bad....

..

ANWAYS!!!... you think John Faverou ( or however you spell it) and Vince Vaughn really know way around a comedy RIGHT?

no.. if you thought that you would be a complete moron and have no friends.

aughh why am i so mean?!

either way I dont know maby they were trying to appeal to an older, broader, or stupider audience?

(yeah You!)

Well ;Mean Zia; May i inquire as to how you arrived at this rather negative conclusion?

Yes you may respected reader. and BTW you dont have to call me " Mean Zia"

"Regular or Handsome Zia will do just fine"

How about Asshole Zia?...

.....

lets just move on.

But yes; I arrived at this conclusion quiet simply really.... just take a series of Overly unrealistic situations, the most BASIC of BASIC couples therapy jokes, an unBELIEVABLY crapily crafted plot, add a few insanely inaccurate depiction of urban culture, (c'moooon big DADDY im tryna up and get my PAAAAARTY ON.. yeah baby boo. its not 2003 anymore mmkay? thanks!!!) OH!!!.. and dont forget the awkwardly placed 20 minute Guitar Hero commercial! Which is the Moron Cherry top one of the most generically crafted Sundaes i've eatin in a LOONG time!

(Romantic Comedies: High in Calories; Low on Content)

But wait there was some Whip Cream on the Sundea too in: the fact that they're on this amazingly gorgeous island that shows up CRYSTAL CLEAR in Blu-Ray?

and delcious brownie chunks with the Sundae : all of the lead females in this role are gorgeous! And deserve to be in their underwear and bikinis as they looked like they were involved in some type of contest to see who can be the hottest; and all of them had personal trainers and nutrionists or something! Well i've got NEWS for you ladies your ALL winners

(Wow; these are some GREAT BEACHES; oh... and the sand and water are okay too... )

The Sundea Also has nuts when The men in the movie... looked like they were ALSO in a competition; to see who had the WORST body possible.

Hey Vince two words: Diet Dr. Pepper...

err... thr-

(Vince Vaugn Seen Here preparing for his next role as Penguin in the up comming Batman Film)

Never MIND!

The Sundea also has an extrea helping of carmel sauce when-

"Okay!!!.. your moron Sundae Movie Metaphor?!.. not working okay so lets move on"

nah i've gotta really good transition here lemee just poor the

"MOOOOOOOOOOVE ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!"

..........

(Finally!....)

*snifff*..

...

are you cr?--

But yeah; other than a series of mild chuckles i can count on my left hand, this movie is nothing to write home about; and no reason to retreat to.

I honestly feel like the characters took on this role so they could vacation it up; and still get paid;

(ahhhh Jokes on you; you came to see our movie!.. THATS the worst $10 you EVER spent!)

Or perhaps have their Sundaes and eat it to?

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!!"

1 PJ appology outta 5

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: The Review

2010-04-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

Im not gonna lie to you.

I just rented this bc i thought it would be an okay movie ( like How to Train your Dragon)....

they should rename that movie ( how to lose your dragon in 10 days; and get mathew Mchanaugay ( however you spell it) and Kate Hudson to be in it?...)

Anyways.... so i thought it was going to be something like that right? medium funny; cool graphics, and something you can go home and try out on your dragon.

but I Saw it?!... and it was a GREAT MOVIE!!! like Gone with the Wind GREAT! ( well i havn't really seen that) but its probably just as good... ( that movie is about food that gets blown around in the wind during the civil war right?)

Anyways..

the lead character that intenvtor guy? is absolutley hilarious!!...

its just a really fun smartly written; excellently delivered film. VERY cool special effects; and just an idea thats REALLY awesome! (food falling from the sky?! why hasn't this idea done BEFORE!).. It should be its own Genre!!!!.... Horror; Drama; Edible Perceptiation!

I dont know i mean part of the charm of this movie is that when I watched it?.. i expected nothing so it REALLY delivered

However, now that YOU know what I think... you maby expecting more?.. (if that is the case: I appologize in advance....... but you probably shoudln't be reading blogs at work anyways... so technically its your OWN FAULT);

The film definatley had the comedic flavor and timing of my favorite comedy of all time " Hot Rod" staring Andy Samberg?

Aughh what?!!.. you havn't seen Hot Rod?!.. are you playing with me?!

(Dont WORRY! Im gonna get you better Frank.. and after I do.. im going to bEAT YOU TO DEATH!!!!)

Listen.... you need to stop reading this RIGHT NOW!!!.... tell your Boss your Wife is having a Baby; if your Not married tell them someone ELSES wife is having your baby.

EItherway.. make your way outta the office get a big tub of Jelly Beans unplug your phone; jump in the hot tub; get those bath salts?.. not the ones from Bed Bath and Beyond; those generics are lame..

I KNOW 6 for a dollar is a GREAT price; but i can't be naked around non brand name products

( an Autobiography)

........

what was i talking about again?

Meatballs... or something?

OH yeah!!!! so this movie also really felt like it had alot of that old early 90s Simpsons episodes kinda feel. Like very sharp yet un-expected humor?

Final Verdict: Sharp Writing; Sharp animation; and Sharp Cheddar. How can you go wrong?!

6 meatballs outta 5!

Ovo: The Review

2010-03-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

Aughhh I know.... Everyones prettty much already scene it; and the circus has left town; so theres no real point in even TALKING about it.

but HEY!... when your un -employed and living at home with your parents in Tracy; anything thats not shooting empty cans of RC cola with a Bebe guns or working on my new clothing line with good 'ol boys Jim Bob and Cousin Earl; pretty much seems like a good use of time.

(Our New Fall Line will be available in the Greater Tracy Area)

Anyways; just an FYI this is not the type of circus where a bear wears a little fez cap and rides around on a uni-cycle ( unforunatley)

its also not the type of circus where women take their clothes of for money. (unforunatley)

it ISSS the type of circus where gymnastis and acrobats show case their amazing talents through insane athletics while telling a loosley put together story about a bug? that loses his egg.. er "Ovo?"

(if you'll look to the far left you'll see the turtle neck nerd bug and to its right the lezbian manits moth)

anyways... it started off really cool!... this dude doing crazy hand stands; one handed hand stands; pretty much just embaressing every man in the crowd with his amazing upper body and core strength!

also there were tons of crazy people dressed as bugs walking through the audience

.. errr they were part of the show right?
...

what show?

jk

but forreal it was alot of fun to watch.

crazy trapeeze artists ( is that how you spell it) and how come THEY"RE the only ones consiedred artists? what about ppl who jump around on trampolines ( is THAT how you spell it?) or acrobats? how come its not acrobat artists?

I DEMAND EQUALITY for ALL CIRCUS PERORMERS!!!

WE NEED a Martin Luther King for Circus Ole!! ( more like a martin luther Queen ZIIIiiiiiing!!!!)

(Uh UH!!!! Shanay-nay Career NOT OVA!!! I GOTTA DREAM TOO OKAAAAAAY!!!.... when Bad Boys 3 commin out?)

...

nice.

anyways whatevers..... im not gonna lie to you?.. that shit is fun to watch for about 45 minutes. but after that?

im not gonna lie to you.. it gets bit repetitive; Its only entertainig for so long before you're like.. auhhh okay i get it... you can do 10 backflips in a row; doing 20 is not going to impress me anymore....

I will say that the really fun parts where the comedic ones with the over-weight oprah beatle and the overly slim geek-roach. There non-verbal communication was pretty fun to watch. But again i've seen some Disney movies and cartoons that do a much better job.

(A Scene from the "Precious" Broadway show)

BUT i will say this in closing. If you've never seen a circus ole show? (more like circus o-gay) ....excellent.... you should REALLLY check out it .... the whole venue had great seats just grab a $30 tick.

but if you wanna ask me if I"D go again?

imma have to deeeeeeeeeeecline.

unless some super hot chick asks me to take her

( and we both know thats not going to happen)

4 Ovos outta 5

Precious: The Review

2010-03-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

How do you turn a monsterously Obese; and un attracitve female Lead Protaganist into a likeable character that the audience not only emotionally invests in, but GENUIENLY wants to see come out okay?

.... I dont know either!

(slap a Kangol on her and call it Notrious?!)

HAHAH!!!!... i mean- shut up.

(and if ya dont know.. now ya KNOW!)

But this movie brings it and Brings it HARD!!!

Precious is some chick that lives in the suuuuper suuuuuper ghetto with her equally over -weight an un attractive mother played by Big Fat Monique ( who gives the perofrmance of a life time!!!!)

I cannot explain to you how captivating and emotionaly disturbing this movie is.

I dont know how you can tell such a smart and sharply written story about really crass un educated people; and stil make it entertaining; funny; honest; and .... just a GREAT movie.

(Monique seen here doing the Diabetes Shuffle)

"go down tothe welfare office and get you some chicks ya-old fat ass!"

-now?

"NO!!! not NOW!!!.. its 9 AT NIGHT!!!!! go down dare in the MORNING.. ya bigg ass idiot!"

not only that the movie is un-blinkingly "raw" when necessary; but at the same time extremley polished with flawlessly unexpected special effects and hilarious, yet sadly necessary dream sequences.

(A Seen from Moniques next film 2pac; a retrospective of the legendary rappers life had he been overweight... and a women.... too many fat jokes?)

Daym Zia; you wanna get off this movies jock?

you know what?

no... I dont..

There is not a single thing i'd change about this movie. Infact I think its important for everyone to see it, bc to be HONEST wih you?

stuff like this REALLY does happen, and this movie captures it as is. Granted there were a FEW parts that were shown just to demonstrate the lack of class or any sense of sophistication on behalf of Monique ;that i thought were a touch unnecessary... but Hey.... if you say " take it or leave it"?

imma TAKE IT!!

wait..

im not sure what i just agreed to.

Kudos to Mariah Carey for doing such a plain jane role; and doing a terrific acting job.

(Both Mariah Carey [Left] and Micheal Jackson [Right] make a cameo in the film)

actually you know what Kudos ALL around!!.... to everyone ecspecially that PRETTY little thing who teaches precious-ses class?

umm... i'd try to get my GED too if i KNEW she was gunna be teachin Zia how to Read Good!

(lookin GOOD sweetheart!?... who the one on the left or right?)

Ay Mami i dont know the alphabet and alla that, but maby we should switch it up and put "U" and "I" together what you thinkin about that sweetheart?

... fair enough mr. Ahmad. if you can recite the alphabet flawlessly i'll make out with you here and now.
.................................................

okay Zia... you can do this...

um...........

L?

"im sorry Zia; that is incorrect!"

AUGHHH!!!!! i lost yet ANOTHER WOMEN because of my LBCs!!!!!

6 stars outta 5!

How to Train Your Dragon: The Review

2010-03-29T14:26:00.001-07:00

b4 you start commin at me all sideways talkin like " ahhh that movie is for kids you giant baby; how you gonna see that!!!".... please allow me to rebuttle with the following argument:

"SHUT UP!!! YOU JERK!!!! calling ME a BABY when 10 min ago... week you were wearing Footie Pajamas!!.....

and dont play the old " orthopedic jumpsuit" card with me!!! it had kittens on it"

.............

seriously though where did you get that from?... it was soooo cute!!

marshals really?.. do you think they'll have my size?

I mean.. my waist is a bit bigger than yours.. aughh i SWEAR i HATE your figure its so...

............

(Im Twenty Swevwon Yeews Ode)

Anyways.... How can you NOT see something called " How to Train your Dragon" I mean c'mon.. when you were 9 that was the coolest idea EVER!!!

PLus whats gonna happen if you see a dragon right now?!!.. if you didn't see this movie... you're going to have NO CLUE what to do!

anyways!!!... it was a cool flick.... I always say; if your tryna put out a movie; you need to tell a story about ONE thing and ONE thing only. Also I always say if your going to travel back in time dont TOUCH anything. Any minor change in the past can GREATLY EFFECT THE FUTURE!!!!

( Jumpin Jigga-WATS!!!!)

...... what was i talking about?

OH YES!!!! movies!

okay so........ a movie can only REALLY tell one story; but in THIS flick you've got these Vikings; and this whole viking culture which you're trying to explain; THEN you've got these dragon battle training sessions; OH ALSO dont forget about the little boy interacting with a Dragon doing a " field study" and LASTLY you've got your whole dragon culture.

I mean it KINDA worked but all the above mentioned things are story that take time AWAY from the meat of the flim (or for you vegetarians the Soy of the flim) ...wich is the boys relationship with his dragon.

(This Movie is Missing Something; .."oh is it missing meat"?-No.. its missing being GOOD!... That really didn't make sense)

so... yeah..... alot of time needed to build heart; and invest emotionally in the main characters were sort of eaten by these additional side stories ( if that make sense)

They did some really cool things animation wise as far as the way the MAIN dragon looked and how his movements seemd to be inspired alot from cats (no the musical.... )

the OTHER dragsons however looked a bit goofy and overly playful.

I mean if you're going to tell a story about savages killing horrid beasts slap on an R or at LEAST PG rating and show a little bit of violence and some cool scary action sequences? Or take it to the MAX and make it rated X; forget about the dragons all together and see if Jenna Jameson is available.

(not like i know who that is or whatevers)

(How To Train Your Dragon: As seen with NC17 Glasses )

I dont know i think inheritntly the subject matter of the film is a little too difficult to be a childrens film.

Daym Zia you haytin on this movie that much?

okay jack ass... you didn't let me finish!

it wasn't ENTIRELY bad; there were some cool parts; I really liked the scenes when the kid was riding the dragon; and some of the jokes were kinda fun

" the only thing you need to change is ... ahhhh this"

" you just gestured to ALL OF ME!"

aughh also Gerard Butler reprises his 300 Voice to be the main characters father in the movie so THAT was cool; but i dont know i really felt like the animation was soooo overly... intricate?.. i mean there were beard hairs ;crazy hats; really big arms and an overly big wooly cape...

it was just too much going on for one character; and it just made it a little harder to get into.

Also the last action sequence was slightly confusing; but up; alla the aronautics ( is that a word?) seemed really accurate and fun to watch.

(Call 1800-Geico ; a 15 minute call could save you up to 15% on your auto insurance!)

as a whole?

descent movie; but your not even TOUCHING movies like "Up" or "Toy Story" or "Wall-E"

3 tame-able dragons outta 5.

10 Reasons I hate Facebook

2010-03-24T20:21:00.001-07:00

10 Reasons
I Hate
Facebook

1.) Excesisve Farmville Comments: I dont care how many eggs your stupid chicken layed.

2.) People commenting on their Fat Friends pictures all " OMG girl what a HOT MAMA!" when they SHOULD be commenting like " I'm worried about your cholesterol"

( OMG Jeena! that Dress is fitting you PERFECT YOU'RE SO HOT!!!!!)

3.) The Way it tastes

4.) Your overly sexualized or Gang related default pic

5.) the logo; it SHOULD be:

6.)Your Lame Status: John Williams is having a peaceful Sunday Afternoon

7.) The Fact that my DAD knows where I REALLLY was last Saturday @ 3am thanks to someones MORONIC PICTURE POSTING!

(hey Dad are you ashamed of me?!)

8.) The fact that i NOW KNOW that my ex-Girlfriend and her New Boyfriend had a "Satisfying" weekend in Tahoe ;) <------I Know what semi colon and closed paranthesis means!!!

9.) The Facebook name Facebook. It is neither a " book OR a face so........ yeah.

10.) I have dramatically less friends than other profiles.

Julie & Julia: The Review

2010-03-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

BONNNNNNNNNJOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR and HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM JULIA CHILDSSSSSS!!!!.. and IM HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE TO TEAAAAAAAAACH YOU about FREEEEEEEEEEENCH COOOOKING!!!

-Nah nah.... im not tryna learn alla that.... just make me some chicken and brown rice

VERRRRRRRRRRRRRY WELLLLL MY DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!! HEEEERE YOU AAAAAAAAREEE!!!!!

- whow whow.... where you goin?

I HAVE TO CLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAN MY CHARMING MIDDLE EASTERN FRIEEEEEEEEEND!!! THE KITCHEN IS A SINFUL MESS!!!

-nah nah.. do that later.... come here... and talk in that .... funny way you talk.

FAAAAAAAAAAIR ENOUGH........ the Lemon Mirange baster reduction i've used works well with the butter INFUSSED with a scent of Tangerine Oak that works with the-

- you know what?... you can go clean.

LOL nah im just playin... but seriously!... I dont know who i like more... Julia Childs or Merryl ; PLAYING JC.... I dont know she kinda remind me of my mom a little bit. Like just always messin around in the kitchen and with a positive atittude; laughing at all my jokes; very charasmatic; and just super cute?!

(someone must be having a " splitting headache"- yeah your a regular carrot top; what time will dinnner be ready? )

anyways...she's just really cool; and fun to watch: I tell you this though... dont WATCH that movie on an empty stomach or even CLOSE to it.

Its also really interesting i've never really looked at cooking as .... a " hustle" .. or as an art. but I mean... the way J-Childs was doin it... she was GRINDING!!!... and when she wasn't doing it?: ....the way she was talking about it was TIGHT!!!!...?.. I dont know...i mean.. i dont really care about cooking?.. but I respect ANYONE whos got passion about what they do; and can talk about it on the highest level. EItherway LOVE the Julia Childs Character and Kudos to Meryl Streep who never comes sideways in a role! ( a BUTTERED ROLE THAT IS!!! AHHHH)

*shut up*

(I'd let her "Meryl MY STREAP" YOU KNOW!!!.. YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN!!.. YOU KNOW!!!!.... you dont know...)

as for Amy McAdams or whatever? i dont know.. i mean she was cute... but too cute... like in that other movie where she's a cartoon that comes to new york?... like almost clue-less cute?... and a bit annnoying... ( this generations meg ryan) if you will... (oh no i burned the goose dearest me cooking is so hard)..... * yawn*

But its really interesting... the idea that like.. if you do the same things as anothe person; commit the same actions as another person ; in the same or similar order as that other person; you really get a sense of who that other person is, or was; and in some unique circumstances you feel like tht other person is watching you; or is at least with you in spirit, because if YOUR baking some difficult cake now: the person who originally baked it may have come across the sames issues and concerns that YOU'RE having; so your on a similar train of thought; and dealing with it the same way?..........

*i take cake baking VERY SERIOUSLY*

(MMMmmm... Transmission Delicious-ness!)

For Ex: they talk about Will Smith and how he did that movie "Ali" the Muhammad Ali story; and he trained the Cashes Clay way; doing all the things he did; the samae work out going to the same places; putting down George Foreman; living a very similar life style alla that.... and he said one day he woke up; and he just FELT like Ali; the swagger; the trash talk; the man; and it REALLY showed in his portrayl in the film.

Also not to go REAL extreme on anyone: but Islamically we're all supposed to go to Hajj; and I think thats also designed in a sense to give you a higher understanding of what life is really all about; and put you in a proper mind set of people who lived thousands of years ago. And you can sort of channel they're spirit and way of thinking by engaging in similar actions that they've done. Same with the actions of Namaz; and the movments it entails.

I dont know i guess just the idea; of phsyical actions forcing you into a desired mindset; it just a real interesting concept to me.

In the movie you get a loose sense of that; the sturggles that both of them go through with there goals. But i think the film would have had a tighter plot and a more focused sense of story telling if they mirrored one anothers lives better. There were only a few times when Julie and Julia were REALLLY on the same page; but for the most part... it was kinda all over the place?

The Baisc premise is like.... Julia leads the way forging through un charted territory; being the first women French Cooking.. ehh.... master; while Julie... umm...... sort of .... just follows Julias Recipes?

(I'd eat THAAAAAT with a SPOOOON you know!!! YOU KNOWWW .. YOU KNOWWW WHA TIM SAYIN!!!... wait.... nevermind)

Im not gonna lie to you.... cooking a bunch of shit outta a cook book? and then blogging about it?... How the F*ck is that like... an accomplishment?!..... the recipes are THERE; blogging is NOT hard ( trust me) where is the skill or entertainmen value in that?!.... but she got like... 50X more fans and comments than I most likely ever well!!.. GO TO HELL JULIA!!!

..... any-who; ahh the MOVIE it self!... well if your a " foodie" then you HAVE to see it; no questions asked; sometimes they'll do a movie " about" a particular craft; or concept but they'll focus on all the people and characters invovled in the " world" around that industry or whatever? but no focus on the basic idea of it at all?

(Julia Childs; the Non-Meryl Streap Version)

but THIS movie goes hard.. they talk about cooking intelligently and with the detail and interest that I think a true "Foodie" would REALLY enjoy!

It also works on the level where you know you see someone with just the spirit to suceed and they go out with nothing but a real positive attitude and a sense of purpose ( even if it is cooking) and they accomplish what they set out to dow with hard work and dedication!

but.... there were somethings that were left a little strange and open ended; I dont want to give away the ending but if your'e telling two "based on real life parallel stories" ther are CERTAIN things that the viewer expects to happen. And if they're NOT gonna happen; i suggest not hinting or for shadowing to your audience that its going to or " may " happen....

(Julia Childs; Dan Akroyd Version)

Otherwise.. say goodbye to mainstream movie box office success; but i guess the film wanted to stay true to what ACTUALLY Happened *lame* as opposed to what i actually WANTED to happen!... (killer robots from the earths core come to its surface and enslave humanity as punishment for not treating technology with the respect it deserves)...but whatever.

Last comment? the movie was 2 positive usually i like to see things go bad?.. right?... then the plots finds is way and things go well.... THen something cataclysmic ( however you spell it) happens mid movie; and the main character(s) has to over come that which brings you to the climax followed by happiness aaaaaaaaaaaaaand fin (right?)

of COURSE im right..

(Julie and Julia by Zia Ahmad)

but in this flick the Catastrphoic mid movie event... reaaaaaaaaaaaally isn't that bad... so its kinda difficult to really feel bad for their " slumps" *ecspeically Julie* but thats just a minor comment on an otherwise descently directed movie.

In the end its definatley a cool " true story" a cool " under dog" story; a GREAT job as usual by miss Streep; but I tell you like i tell everyone else; if you dont have a solid story; and if your story dont end well; it kinda kills everything leading up to it.

and thats why i gotta give this movie 3 french receipes outta 5

Time Travlers Wife: The Review

2010-03-22T22:18:00.001-07:00

My Question is.... How come this guy can get a chick that look as good as Rachel McAdams; by only being around 5 minutes at a time. And a guy like ME has been in the same general vicinity for 29 YEARS and can barley hold a stable relationship!? ( or JOB for that matter)

(Like the Movies not confusing ENOUGH with you laying down all side-ways and sexy on the cover!.... im talking to YOU Bana!)

but forreal.... after getting over my blinding white jealous rage I have to say.. one of the best Time Travel Movies I've Ever Seen!

Usually when you watch something time travel-esque IE: the back to the future franchise or Donnie Darko its all about the Science and Science fiction of it.

WHat i really appreciated about this film is its just like... " hey.... heres a breif explanation... but honestly.. who cares?!"

and with that the movie really addresses the emotional and romantic components to well.. in-voluntary time travel.

Does it sound stupid?!.... of COURSE it does.. but the director does an excellnt job of pacing the story well; slowing it down; and really using clever camera work and just Great Direction to develop a rather mature story out of a premise that basically.... welll.... that probably only a 9 year old would find fascinating.

The one thing that REALLLY stuck out to me in this film is the idea of love... (gay) and that how some points in life... you can be REALLLY hate someone.... but in other points you couldn't possibly be more in love with that Same Person... .... so what happens if its like... you hate what that one person did... but your interacting with the same person before he or she commited that same act that you didn't like?!

(I SWEAR to god Micheal J Fox; sometimes I think you love that Stupid De LOrean and Doc Brown More than me!... for the last time Edna thats NOT how it work sand YOU KNOW IT!)

Then you get into the issue of... well she likes the PAST version of me BETTER from before i commited the act; MORE than the PRESENT ME; who has already commited the act.... so... are YOU jealous that she likes another version of YOU better than... well.... YOU?!!!

its just interesting how although love is considered something universal and all encompassing it too has its stronger and weaker points.

Eitherway; just a very smart; well thought out; challenging film. With EXCELLENT acting by McAdams (seriously HOW do you ACT like you're in love with someone who hasn't even MET you yet.. but YOU know EVERYTHING about HIM!?).... watch R-McAdams... THATS how..

(OMG... this wall is sooooo sexy... i just want to lean all OVER It.... )

oh also... by Bana does a descent job too ( who im still mad at for RUINING the hulk)

Come to think of it .... Time Travlers Wife is alot like the Hulk in that something happens to him..a nd then he ends up running around naked for awhile.... until he finds his way back home...

( Hulk Travel to Past to SMASH Ancient Persian EMPIRE!)

hmmm.... a common theme in this films perhaps?!

... nm im an idiot..

eitherway GREAT film 5 outta 5..

(C'mon Brian.... hold it in.. you remember what Dr. Reed Said: she'll never stop beating you unless she respects your manhood!)

see it with your girl or someone you love... or be a total loser like me and see it by yourself!!!.. ( that way no one can judge your for crying).. accept when your dad Barges in

"Bayta have you started your taxes y-.... are you crying?"

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!

ps I had this great Simpsons related time Travel Joke in my head but i can't find it on youtube.. ahh well THIS'll Do... those of you who REALLLY know Simpsons will know EXACTLY how it relates in...

the rest of you.... aren't total geeks

9: The Review

2010-03-20T23:07:00.000-07:00

Who "green lights" this stuff seriously.

"Gentlemen! I have an idea. A film about a post- appoctolyptic ( i KNOW thats not you spell it) future where sack people have inhereted the earth and must destroy a giant awesome robot for the concept of humanity to survive!

............................. Tim... just when I think you can't get any DUMBER.... you come up with something like this............

AAAAAAAAAAAND TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTALLLLLY REDEEEEEM YOURSELF!!! LETS MAKE THIS PICTURE!!

but seriously every now and then something really unique; and interesting will slip through the cracks of Hollywood and get made. (Kangaroo Jack anyone)?

But to be honest with you... I havn't really seen anything like this. Its kinda like Little Big PLanet? Meets the Terminator? with a Tim Burton / ACtion twist?

Im not gonna lie though i was hELLLLLA diggin this movie.

I mean i can see why it didn't do well? Its hard to tell a rather dark story with really cute characters and be able to market it towards adults as opposed to kids. Also i think thast why there wasn't as MUCH humor in it just bc they were trying to keep it a very serious and some-what horrific film.

Again its aREALLLY cool flick i dont think your girlfriend would like it but if you and your geekiest friends really wanna see something unique; and interesting (That doesn't invovle the words "Star" "Trek" or "Wars" ) like you've never seen before with GREAT animation; a some-what original story and just some REALLY cool action sequences check it out!!!

"As you can tell by my outdated business suit and glasses im too good for awesome movies..."

The one thing I will say that may cause some ppl to not get into the movie? Is the Science Fiction; its REALLLY out there.. but it's explained well and in MY opinion wasn't tooo far of a stretch to the point where i was like " aughhh this movies gay" but i feel like some ppl will have that opinion.Overall: Great Movie; intersting story; Gorgeous animation; Very cool / thoughtful action scenes. Just a GREAT Film.
Nice Work Mr. Burton; keep up the good work ( err except for Alice in Wonderland) you moron.

9 brave little sack people outta 9!

Boondock Saints 2: The Review

2010-03-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

YOu ever eat like... Cocoa Pebbles in the morning?..

and your like aughhh man.. that was hellla good!

SOOOO good in fact your like.... im going to have a second bowl!!!

and that second bowl isn't as good.... but not BAD!!

until you get to your third bowl... at which point your like

wow.... this is kinda gross....

Well... thats how Boondock Saints II is... like your 3rd bowl of Cocoa Pebbles. Its soooo good the first time that you really want more...

But once you realize you're already expecting so much from it... you can never live UP to the hype.

Ecspecially if your "sequel bowl" comes out like 10 years after the original; and now Fred and Barney have aged terribly; while still attempting to pull of their original rock star hair cuts?!... and the biggest/ most sucessful star of the original Velma is too good to " glue" the film together and instead only signs on for a Cameo.....

Hey.... you remember those Cocoa Pebbles Commercials?... where Barney is always trying to Steal Freds Cocoa Pebbles with all these elaborate tricks?

WHy come he can't just be like; lemee get some of that; I mean you dont have to be all GREEEDY asking for the whole box!.. TRust me Rubble when you get to the 3rd bowl you're going to be pretty grossed out anyways...

.... stupid Cavemen no wonder they're all extinct Accept thos 2 super smart ones from those Geico Commercials?

..... ahh Great review! (good work Zia!)

see you guys next time...

WAIT!!!! oh yeah!! soo.... " Boon-dock saints 2"... right.... Hey isn't it ironic that this was releasted so close to saint patties day?.... err... wait..

.hhm.... im not sure what ironic means...

Anyways.... Overall it was a descent movie; it lacked a bit of focus and thread or theme which is REALLLY what seperated the first one from all the other action movies of the time.

With the acception of a descent plot; this film was almost a parody of the first. the whole time watching it all i could think about how much better the original was.

I did really like the one chick who aws the detective; she was cute and brought an sense of individuality and unique-ness to the flim.
I'll definatley give it up for the cinematography; some of the shots and use of slow motion was great... but now that i think of it thats pretty much all they used.

I can see what they were going for: Mission statement lets create the irish gangster version of The Godfather Part II

all they ended up accomplishing was making a rather "hoaky" early 90s style action parody of the original more indpendently flavored film.

Also that one " crazy eyed" mexican dude?... REALLLY took the sophistication of the film down several notches with with his Jim Carey like expressions and over done slapstick comedic moments.

One of the things that I really appreciated about the first one is that it wasn't "trying" to be anything; it was a little funny; a little clever; a little violent; and alot of fun. This one?.... was alot LESS of all that; and trying a little too to re-create the magic of the first one

Synopsis: The Sequel that'll never live up to the hype; but will never live up to the original; Fun if you wanna see your homies do something new, but gay if you are expecting a similar experience to the original.

2.5 bullet riddled shamrocks outta 5

More Than a Game: The Review

2010-03-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

I normally dont DO documentaries ( or women ZIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing)..... okay can i just do this? ( thats what she said ZIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing).... seriouslY?

......

okay anyways.. ( ZIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!)

OMG SHUT THE F* UP!!!!

............

aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways... ; my new SJ friends (you know who you are) are all about "sports"; sporting" matches"; athletes" etc etc...

so im like.. WELLL I may as well see what the big DEAL about basket-balling anyways!!

More than a Game is ... as cliche as it sounds " more than just LeBrons story" its about the way he grew up; and his 4 homies. Its really intersting because LeBron may get 30% screen time; maby even a little less; as his other 4 friends get JUST as much screen time; and well to be honest some of them have MORE compelling back stories!

Overall this is just a GREAT movie; i mean; its alot like a typical sports film/ comming of age story; but the fact that its REAL?! makes this 1000 times doper! Actually if this was a Hollywood basketball movie ( space jam anyone?!)

Would YOU like to play for the Charlotte Bobcats?!

it would have been kinda corny how formulaic and perfect everything comes together in the end; but the fact that its all REAL ( i like to use caps) ; and it REALLY happend makes for Quite an impress peice of sports history!

..... and i gottal tell you even as a non-sports-enthusiast?!... just a GREAT DVD a great story; masterfully told through a non-linear format tying up NICELY at the end.

The only 2 issues i'd say is 1 i didn't appreciate some of the graphics used to handle certain elements where there wasn't actually any for i really like the way VH1 behind the music does their documentary stuff; but for something as BIG as the LBJ (not Lyndon B Johnson * that movie would SUUUUUCCCCK!!!!) story? i'd like a little more production valueThe Real Life Mr. Burns

Other than that at times i was a bit confused by what game it was; what the score was; if this was the last game they'd play together; or which over weight black guy was which.

But other than those minor confusions; its just a GREAT story!!! ; i can't say that enough... and I can now officially say im a LeBron fan. I'll put aside the fact that he's younger; in better shape; makes more money; has his own sneaker, clothing, and marketing company; OH and he can most likely beat me at basketball; and just appreciate the dude that he is

"Oh Look @ me.... im so AWESOME"... you jerk!

I gotta tell you... I've always been a Micheal Jordan fan through and through... but after he released his book " Driven from within" .... I have to ask the question " Is MJ legally sane"? his compeititve nature is RIDICIULOUS and mentallly questionable; and his work ethic borders on OCD ( yeah you know me!) . But hey... he wins games; so no ones hating right? (also his sneakers are dope) BUT how much fun can someone like that be to hang out with?

Air Jordan XX3

LeBron on the other hand ( whos sneakers are less dope)

Nike Zoom Lebron III

really REALLY just enjoys Basketball. * at least according tothis DVD* He loves what he does; he loves the guys he plays with and he has a GERAT time on the court. You can see it when he goofs around with his team

I guess the way i look at it is if you hang out with MJ? he's going to lecture you about perfection and how to acheive it; if you hang out with LBJ? he's going to quote Chris Farly movies until you laugh so hard you pee your pants while milk is comming out of your nose

err.. it hasn't happend to MEE... (whats never happend to you a girlfriend?! ZIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing)

.....

awesome.

5 NBA stars outta 5

The Ugly Truth: The Review

2010-03-15T22:27:00.001-07:00

Wow....

That was a waste of time..... It took me 3 days to watch this movie ( i kept falling asleep).

Also during the movies pivitol scene; i was lookin up sneakers on the internet.

forreal though; in the movies defense?; this new Nike Air Max Attack collection is killing it!.. and my latest un employment check just came in.. imma be Fresh like PRODUCE!!!! this summer!!

anyways... what was i talking about?

oh yeah..

those nike air max 1s are PURE MAGICAL!!

wait......

wait no...

OH YEAH!!!!

This movie.... ugh. I dont know dawg... the chick Katherin Heigel doesn't do it for me.. i like my chicks to be more relatable i had NOOOO interest in this girl what so ever; i mean Kate Hudson; Jennifer Anniston: Jennifer Lopez; that chick from Love and basketball? they all have a certain vulnerability that make men be like... daym yo.... I hella wanna make that girl feel better! like not even in a dirty way.. just like i wanna give them a hug or whatever! anyways... with Horrible last name Heigel; i wasn't feelin that at all...she just seemed prude and rather annoying.

"I've Never Said a Bad Word in My Life"

On the other hand you've got Gerard Butler whos trying to be this over the top rough around the edges morning show version of Howard stern accept 98% tamer; and negative 500% funnier. Of course the movie had to be tamed down to appeal to a braoder female audience; but there is way to keep things "edgey" but still fun and something that women would watch

and it just plays out stupid when G-butler says something thats not THAT bad; and almost being un PC for the sake of.... well being un PC; and then to see this chick like " whyyyy!!! i NEVER!!! how DARE YOU!!" its just very 1982 you know?

its too middle of the road be over the top OFFENSIVE and let the female lead act like the audience would act.

Or be regular; and have the women be over offendible ( is that word) and have the audience react like G- Butler would act

but going down the middle? ( thats what she said) its just lame...

hey.... if you dont stand for something.. you'll fall for anything.

And thats basically what this movie does... it coudln't deicde what it wanted to be; who its target audience is; and failed by trying to please too many

"daym Zia it suck THAT bad?!... "

well.. it wasn't really " Bad" it was just " boring and predictible" is those 2 things equal up to a bad movie for you.. then by YES by your defintition it was a bad movie..

"oh okay Zia; so i guess your saying its NOT a bad movie?"

... NO it totally is.. im not really sure what my previous point was....

but Gerard does come hard and does the best he can witha crap script. He's fun to watch; and comes on point with his Scottish? accent.

IM tellin you Gerard.. 300 was great!.. but everyone is waiting for something ELSE great from you.. and im not saying "Law Abiding Citizen wasn't awesome... what i AM saying is you can coast on these romantic comedies for a bit ( the bounty hunter) but you need to get crackin on makin some good movies! before you end up like Vin Diesel...

Eitherway.. the REEEEEAAAAAL Ugly Truth... is this MOVIE!!!... augh that was a realllly crappy punch line..

im really sorry

... are you mad at me?

c'mon dont be mad!

i can be funnier!!!

aughh c'mon dont go!!!

.........

.................

you'll be back

1 vibrating pair of panties out of 5

The Crazies: The Review

2010-03-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

To get a better sense of this film; we first need to visit the concept of " zombie-nomics"

The law of Zombie Supply and Zombie Demand clearly states that when there is a high supply of Zombie related movies, video games etc, there is a lower demand for said Zombie media. However when the Zombie supply is LOW; zombie interest and needs begin to rise!

Belive it or not the zombie market is currently being FLOOODED with Zombie movies; Hollywood has been pumping out flicks since George Ramirezes original " night of the living dead" or whatever....

but the more RECENT influx of zombie films was brought on by crazy ass movie " 28 days" and its awesome sequel " 28 weeks later"

Since then there have been TONS of Zombie movies.... unforunatley i cannot remember any of their names..

but anyways.... basically when there are TONS of Zombie movies AVAILABLE... YOU need to differentiate your product or offering in some way.

How does the "Crazies" set it self apart from the pack? How can you provide a viable Zombie option in an over saturated marketplace? the answer:

"smart zombies". Zombies that are technically just people who have gone crazy. How is this more or lesss of a threat? Im glad you asked. You see; "smart zombies" are different from " dumb-dumb zombies" in that they're still alive. they can be killed anyway a normal person can be killed.

Also unlike a moron Zombie; a smart zombie can yield weapons or tools in order to kill you; where as a dummy zombie simply wants brains.The Crazies also seperates itself from other zombie movies in that there is a strong military presence adding an additional " antagonistic issue" for the towns people of Ogden Marsh to deal with.

"OKay Zia; we read your stupid Zombie History and Biology lesson.... whats up with this movie"

well for those of you still reading; the movie was good. I dont know i like to see hundreds of zombies swarm up on a small buliding; or watch someones good friend turn into a zombie and the person has to deicde to kill them or not... or even just overly gruesome/ disgusting special effects.... this movie didn't REALLLY have those traditional scenes.

but on the other hand its not like it was a " dramatic departure" either.

another thing i was a bit confused about was how some zombies did SOME things; will other zombies did other things.... while OTHER zombies didn't really do much at all.... they were very inconsistent... so im not really sure how that played into it. A good hard working Zombie KNOWS what he or she wants out of life; i dont appreciate these sub-par lazy zombies just enjoying the day. GET TO WORK!

Also i thought it was a bit to obvious.. the way movies sometimes play really sappy or soft sweet music while crazy/ horrible things are happening.

but all in all it was a good movie; fun to watch with a couple of great "Jumpy scenes". an interseting plot and an overall well thought out film

Definatley a fun date movie; would more than likely keep the kids ( or zombie purest ) away..

anyways.

solid movie

3 handsome zombie killing protaganists outta 5!

Check Out This Link for Additional Zombie Surival Tactics!

2010-03-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

Alice in Wonderland: The Review

WeLcOme!!!

To tHe MaGiCaL FaNtAsY FiLled FaNtAstICAl WoRlD oF wOnDerLand!!!

-yeeeeah thanks what do yall got goin on here?

WeLl!! Im GlAd you AsKed 'Ol Chap!!!.... wE eAt CaKeS t0 gEt big and PoTioNs to get SMALL!

- uh huh.... i already knew that... what else?

HmMmmm.. We hAve tWeEdle DuM; TwEeDlE DeE; a WeLl DrEsSeD RaBbIt wHoSe LaTe to EvEryThinG; aNd a CaTerPillaR wHo Sm0KeS Ho0Kah!

- oh yeah? that sound kinda cool; do yall get into anything crazy?

WhY YEsSs!!

-Besides acting silly at your tea party?

AhHhHhhhHH... WelL ThEn No......

BuT!... ThEreS Mo0ORe!! HaNdEsOme SiR!!

- Pls dont touch me.

My ApPppo0OLoGizE!! HoWeVeR.. we HaVe a GhaStly DrAGons!, AnImAls ThAt SPeak EnGlIsH; HuGe BatTLe ScEnes aAnd JohNNY DepP?!

-Yeah i've seen Lord of the Rings; Narnia; and Pirates of the Caribean soo...

AhhH! But the DrAgOn AlsO SpEaKs EnGlIsH?! iN a RaThEr DiStInGuiShed BrItIsh AcCent MiGht I AdD At tTHat?!

- That actually makes it gayer.

I tell you what else "wonderland" has.. a convuluted plot that draws from the first and second books but is as good as neither, over whelming and over produced special effects that leaves the viewer jaded, so many silly over the top characters its hard to really develop any interest in any of them and thus the movie as a whole, and writing that COULD have saved the movie; but actually just serves to make it wierder

Sure there ar ea couple clever moments; and some funny ideas " ahh that frog look like George Washington"

But with no solid story, re-occuring theme, focus to get your footing, or attention to detail like lord of the rings or the Harry Potter Franchise; its REALLY hard to have any sense of connection to any of it. Its like an 11 year old girl caught a 40 million dollar budget to put this together. "so what zia; its just a fun visually entertaining movie"

Naw; F - alla that. I know Tim Burton aka Timmy-goof ball burton. He always comes correct! Sure sometimes his ish is a little wird or off the wall but he's an excellent director with a signature style and GREAT off color story telling ability. This flick had NONE of that!

Im not a movie doctor but this movie has what I call " avatar-itis" meaning little story and Big 3D iMax Effects( PS dont call it IMAX if your screen is like 2 feet bigger than a regular screen with 40 more speakers; if you wanna call it something call it "ear max" but stop tryna play me and give me my $4 dollars outta $14 back!)

Eitherway; I mean it started out great; you know this chick whos always had wierd dreams about stuff etc etc... marrying some wealthy lord in 18th Century England.. it showed REAL promise!

and then when she goes down th e Rabbit Hole.. the movie went down to toilet bowl (that rhymed un-intentionally)

oh! also? Dont come at me with " OH Zia.. it just follows the book its supposed to be like that"

OH forreal? so the book is supposed to suck too?!

In Conclusion: this movie doesn't have anything you havn't already seen a dozen times before; severel elements of great movies told very poorly at an annoyingly un-interesting pace.

But im not a total " red queen" Kudos to some of the special effects and final fight scene. Anne Hathaway is lookin real interesting but STILL acts overly wierd and comedic and kinda hard to get into ( thats what she said)... wait.... nm.

If your a 3rd Dimention Junky put your gogles on and catch this in theatres

If your just wanna see some " pretty colors" and watch people play golf with a flamingo instead

of a golf club; and porcupine instead of a golf ball; you may want to download

and if you want a solid sense of story telling, and a well detailed fantasy land with heart and symbolism mirroing your own reality.....

I think LOTR is out on Blu Ray.

2 Creepy SMiling Kittens outta 5

Law Abiding Citizen: The Review

2010-03-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

Okay Awesome.... I love like.. when I post something.. and then I go to like.. do something with it.. and it DELETES my WHOLE REVIEW!!

jUST F*CKING AWESOME.. thank you " blog spot" or whatever the crap the name of this thing is...

anyways.... whatevers... lets just get too it shall we?

Law Abiding Citizen starring Jamie Foxx ( who i never thought would do a better movie than the classic black romantic comedy Booty Call)

starring opposite 300 Mans man of all Mans men Gerard Butler

I gotta tell you I thought this movie would be all paper work and detective sluething aka boring?!

err.. it kinda was... i DID fall asleep during some of it and had to finish watching it the next day

but over all ?!.. Definatley grade A stuff... a very cool intelligent ( not too hard to belive) movie; with great writing; excellent plot; and interesting " saw franchise" like philosophy

I dunno know I think J-foxx is a hilairous dude.. and it just kida sucked to see him all serious... but what are ya- gonna- do right?.. i guess he just wanted to show case his legit acting talent or some ish..

Either way ; gerat movie; fun ; smart; clever ; just a well thought out flick

Def worth a rental!!

OH! do NOT watch the directors cut with your girl or little sister; err unless their fans of circular saw dismemberment

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

4 mastermind criminals outta 5!!

2009-07-09T17:27:00.001-07:00

Hmm… this is kiiiiiiiiiinda one of those flicks where you got the “ high lights” from
the trailer… I mean it’s a FUN movie.. but the best parts were for SURE in the
previews.. I laughed my ASS off watching the previews.. but when t he time the flim
finally roled around those jokes were a bit stale.

The movie DID have some other pretty funny parts, and its DEFINATLEY worth a
watch, but you may want to bypass the $10 Box office rip off.

Fun characters, witty dialogue, that one kid micheal cena? Is just GOLD man..
everytime he’s on screen im always laughing, Jack Black was really good also..
he’s not really an “ actor” in my opnion though he’s some dude.. that you throw in
a movie and will GURANTEE you laughs… you know? That’s like his personality.

The movies also got a great Jud Aptow style natural delivery, kinda pokes fun at
some biblical refrences ( which everyone seems to be okay with) , but all in all it’s
a descent flick and DEFINATLEY worth checking out!

See it with your budies or w/ your girl on a date!

4 outta 5!

The Boy in Striped Pajamas: The Review

2009-07-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

This is the first movie I’ve become interested in, and seen JUST by the movie
poster alone. It’s a suuuuuuper interesting concept. Its this boy who lives next to
a Jewish Internment camp. And he be-friends a Jewish-boy his same age who
lives in the camp… the two have play dates through the fence. Its super sweet,
and horrifying at the same time. Really a solid film with a lot of interesting ideas.

There were a couple of things I wasn’t feeling however:

I would have liked to have seen the two boys have more screen time together. I
mean that IS the main premise of the film right?.. but nooo they’re all talkin about
the mom and DADS relationship, the sisters budding Nazi interests, the gardner,
the maid.. all this other kinda stuff.

Which is fine, I mean it really helps give you a good sense of the social-climate of
the time, but to be personally invested in the film, and the main character you
NEED to have him be on screen more, get in tune with his thoughts and ideas a
little better. Independent films always think they’re so cool… like to leave things
up to the viewer with as little assistance as possible, which leads a few scenes to
move a bit slow, or a bit dull at times.

But forreal… I mean.. usually when u put to kids together on screen its REALLY
charming like dennis the menace, or home alone?.. but who ever wrote this movie
out wanted to keep the kid humor REAL simple and accurate…. so its like.. ughh.
BORING.. have you ever REALLY watched 2 eight year olds talk?.. and not NOW
with PS3 and Poke-mon im talking about 100 years ago

BORING!

So that also made it hard to feel for the main characters, or ANY characters for that
matter. But regardless of the lack of character interest or development the over all
film is well done, the lead character/ little boy was EXCELLENT such curious and
blue eyes, its like “ you KNOW he’s going to get into trouble”.. all in all it was a
good movie.

I would have down played some of the background charactesr rolls, got rid of
some of the “ administrative tasks of actually MOVING to a new place, and
adjusting to the new home part of the story, and just FOCUSED on the bond
between the two

I mean.. the reason Titanic was so successful was NOT because of the sinking
ship, not the stories and feelings of everone on the ship… but the relationship
between leo and ehhh… Kate Winslet? ( I think that’s her name)

So if they focused on THAT part more I think this movie would have been a SMASH
hit as opposed to a net flix possibility.

Eitherway I’d say check it out , just a really clever and intresting social commentary:

3.5 stars

Defiance: The Review

2009-07-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

Its one thing when you have an Action Movie, where the antagonists are a Wiley bunch of tough looking, slick dressing, gangsters from an undisclosed western European country who wants revenge on America for Being Free; and the only one who can stop them is a handsomely aging Bruce Willis.

“WHOOOO ISSS DEEEEEES MEEEESTER VEEEYLIS YOU SPEEEEK OFFFF”?

It’s quite another to lift something right out of the pages of history to develop an action film around.

And to TOP it all off.. its actually based on a true story… well according to the movie it WAS a true story not just based on a true story… sooo.. yeah?.

Now if I know movies ( and I like to think I do) 9 times out of 10 the phrase “ based on a true story” allows the film to suck under the precedence of “ these are based on true events, we wanted to stay true to the original characters maaaaaaannn… I like to get highhhhhh man!!.. and keep the integrity of a story intaaaaaaaact BROOOOOoo”.
……okay….

Anyways…

That’s completely fine,I mean your movie could have totally used a talking dog and a lady with a prosthetic machine gun leg.. but I DIGRESS!!

Anyways…. This movie really sorta met in the middle, it had an interesting undertone of community, like how do you start re-building a civilization in the middle of the woods?

How do you protect a small band of Jews from Nazi’s Germany? And how FAR do you go to keep them safe?

And what do you do if someone threatens to bring your infant community down with anarchy?

I guess the real question is “ How Can we live like animals, but we will not become them”

Because there are certain military stratedgies that are barbaric yet necessary in times of war. So what do you do when common sense aligns with necessary
murder?

I don’t know.. and I thank god I’ve never been in that situation, but the movie poses some interesting moral dilemmas, along with some pretty cool and moving action sequences.

Unlike movies of the mid 80s to early 90s when the good guy meets up with the bad guy for the FINAL show down…. And says something cool like “ I take my coffee extra black”

Whaaaa?!... Mc Garnagle?!... I thought you were dead!

**machine gun fire explosions obligatory NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo I’ll get
you MAGARNAGLE **as he falls out the window and CRASH Lands on his
OWWWWN solid white Cadillac Limosine ,

while the protagsinst smugly remarks “ looks like he needed a lift”

… oh man!.. that WOULD Be awesome….

Ehhh.

Anyways!

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah!.. so this movie doesn’t necessarily have that cheesy need to statisfy its
viewers through revenge, I mean he DOES but its more UN settling and realistic
than anything else.

I guess, its hard to make an action film AND value human life, and this film does
just that. I guess as its precedessor “ saving private ryan” demonstrates, and
Hollywood often tries to convince us otherwise: War is Not Cool.

And this film does a great job of expressing that idea, along with some other
interesting notions.

DEFIANTLEY an interesting film as a history piece, as an action film, or simply
something for you to mentally chew on.

See it with the fellas, hyperactive kids, and maby even your chick if you don’t
possibly mind her getting mad at you for “ never wanting to get a movie YOUR
interested in”

B*tch after BrideWars you don’t get to CHOSE NO MORE!

But forreal though 5 stars!

*** oh btw… I haven’t watched like.. the last 5 minutes of the movie?.. buuuuuut
I’m pretty sure it won’t make a big change in my review, unless something
awesomely cheesy happens:

*bad guy gets his head cut off*:

looks like he couldn’t keep a cool head

he had a good “ head “ on his shoulders

looks like he WASN’T at the “ head” of his class.

LOL.. I gotta write these down… ( or just watch Austin Powers again)

Watchmen: Tales of the Black Freighter

2009-07-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

Watchmen: Tales of the Black Freighter

So.. I’m not gonna lie… I’m not really even SURE what a “ black freight” is.. so usually when I hear a movie with a title im not sure about.. I always assume.. “ meh this is going to suck”.. that plus I’d never seen any previews or commercials for it.

HOW EVER… I did see the real watchmen movie?.. so anything you cosign that title on.. im SLIGHTLY interested… Apparently its supposed to mimc the actual Watchmen story form a “metaphorical stand point” but if that’s actually true its WAYYYYY over my head.

So I pop it in (that’s what she said) expecting I don’t not that much?.... but man.. was I wrong..

Super cool visually detailed and decently fluid animation, overly disgusting subject matter ,complete with a creepy horror undertone.

Just really something unique and fully engaging. What makes it all the more fun is the fact that the narrator has this epic Edgar Allen Poe feel.

“as the feathered beasts plucked the earths dough feasting on mother earths curious indignation”

…… oh?.. you mean that pigeon eating bird seeds?

……………”yes”

I don’t want to give away too much but lets just sayyyyyyy its kidna like “Cast Away” with Tom Hanks meets pirates of the Caribean, But with more twisted violence then both Kill Bills put together, and smart enough to trip you out like the Matrix!

………… okay.. I may have over sold it…

But its DEFINATLEY a good movie… the box say an hour and 40 minutes?.. however when I was watching it.. it felt like….. 40 minutes tops… I dunno maby I was just super interested? Or maby the basic story was overly simplified; or MABY the box just lied?

Eitherway… definatley check it out with your buddies, ehhh.. I wouldn’t really recommend watching this with kids or girls.. as the violence is absoultley horrific. And YOUR going to be responsible for sitting up with them all night

Isn’t it funny how cartoons are good for 2 things?.. .little babies? And horrible violence that would be difficult to reproduce in live action sequences?

…. I dunno.. EITHERWAY

Def 5 starst

DEF checkit out!

**ohhhh!!!.. you know wha?.. I just realized why it was only 40 minutes… I only watched “ the black freighter part.. theres another part called” under the hood”.. which I didn’t watch.. DAMNIT NET FLIX.. next time you tell me EVERYTHING!!!!

8 Blaring Inconsistencies from Michael Jacksons Thriller

2009-07-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

I promise I’m not one of those guys who sees the glass half empty, but thriller has been ALL OVER the place recently..
I guess I just have a couple of “inconsistencies that I thought needed to be addressed”

1.)In the Beginning of the video, it’s Michael in his car w/ some chick right?.... like.. WHY would you be hangin out w/ some chick when there is a full moon out and you KNOW you’re going to turn into a WAREWOLF? Why not explain that you’re horrendous situation during the day over a cup of coffee?

2.)In the beginning of the video Michaels GF is super scared and asks him to leave the movie with her, and he obliges, but the thing that’s weird.. is he’s IN the MOVIE!.. if I was in a movie and MY girlfriend wanted me to leave?.. I’d be like.. uh… HELL NO B*TCH!.. I’m STARRIN in this movie!!.. talkin about turnin into a ware wolf and everything!.. why don’t you ever notice the positive accomplishments in my life!.. instead of always getting scared…. Like when I killed that spider last week.. I think we need some time apart

3.)After they leave the theatre.. the 2 walk for hella blocks… um.. Michael… I KNOW you haven’t racked up all your sales for the “thriller” record at THIS point... but off the wall was no JOKE... Why COME YOU DON’T HAVE A CAR!

4.)So we all know the situation, Michael Jackson turns into a zombie and starts dancing around… HOWEVER, I’m not gonna lie, he seems to look a bit more like Frankenstein? Is the lead choreographer of a zombie dance troop a being created of old zombie part? I would expect him to be LESS coordinated as opposed to MORE so?

5.)How come Michael’s shirt is all ripped up when he turns into a Frankenstein-zombie hybrid? It’s not like he dug himself out of a grave that he had been chilllin in for the past 40 years? (ps that’s a NICE jacket)

6.)How that one zombie came out of the sewer?!.... did he die down there?.. wasn’t he wearing a suit and tie? So by this logic, a man with a suit and tie died in the sewer only to NOW be awoken?

7.)When that chick runs into the house…. How come one of the zombie comes through the floor boards, I don’t see how zombies could have such intricate knowledge of architecture?

8.)How come when Michael turns into a zombie, his jerry curl remains perfect?

UP: The Movie Review

2009-07-01T17:35:00.001-07:00

“UP”: The Movie Review

Lets get one thing clear…. Disney Pixar makes SMASH hits. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Cars, Wall-E, Bugs Life?!... you CANNNNOT hate!
Now before I get into anything I want to make it cleeeeeeeeeeeeear!
I saw this movie in 2D, I wasn’t fortunate enough to catch the 3D option.. sooo….
Yeah.

Anyways.. the movie was really good: fun, interesting, entertaining, and creative.

But I don’t know.. I honestly thought Toy Story, Cars, and a few others were
legitimately just FUNNY MOVIES.. but this one?.. I don’t know. Not so much?

I think I have my lack of humor pin pointed to the way the film just started off with
such a heavy / serious although charming feel, it was just sorta hard for me to get
up outta that mood and appreciate some of the other comedic offerings the movie
attempted to provide.

Im not tryna give away too much.. but all I wanted was for that old man to FINISH
WHAT he STARTEd.. F*CK all these CUTE Characters, goofy do do birds, fat
asian kids, and talking Dogs…. You CAME HERE TO DO .. what you CAME HERE
TO DO!.. and THAT’S FINAL!!... DO YOU HEAR ME!! DO YOU F*CKING HEAR ME
OLD MAN!!

*sir can you keep it down… my 3 year old is crying…. And stop cursing…… and
put your shirt back on*

………

Anyways.. defiantly a good movie, im sure its better in 3D… I feel like the film really
utilized the sky-scape as a really important special effect of the film, unfortunately if
your only operating in a dual dimension PLATFORM you totally lose it.

Im going to give this movie 3 stars bc not only did it not make me laugh as hard as
I thought it would, it actually made me really sad, and no matter how hard the film
tried after that.. I couldn’t get into it….

That and I saw it in 2D

If you got some kids, or even someone that you REALLLLY love… check this out,
just be for-warned some parts of up can be a reaaaaaaaal downer ( oh snaaap!!..
I didn’t even mean for it to sound like that)

-Holla!

Transformers 2; Revenge of the Fallen: The Review

2009-06-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

I dunno.. I guess it’s hard..

When your Michael Bay.. and you’ve just satisfied every grown mans child hood fantasy ( no..., not 2 chicks at the same time…the OTHER ONE) .. Delivering an entertaining, involving, fun, and unique summer film that satisfied virtually every movie go-er*

*not every movie go-er, but WHATEVS!

Then what’s next!!!??....

DUH a sequel!

So say IM Michael Bay… I’m like… oh god!!.. I have to do this again!?.. alright.. If I have to do it AGAIN!... I’ll EXCEED everyone’s expectations (not unlike what I did with Bad Boys 2)

People like Transformers right?.. I’ll give them 10 TIMES more transformers!

People liked Shyala Buffs (or whatever his name is) in his comedic scenes?.. I’ll up THAT exponentially! In fact I’ll pour so much “off the wall” humor into this movie that you won’t even TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!

Crazy Action? I’ll put so much action in this movie you won’t even KNOW what’s going on!

Story line? I’ll make such a complex, unrealistic, and UNBELIVABLE story line that audiences will lose interest ¼ of the way through!

Special effects? I’ll use them ANY CHANCE I get on EVERYTHING I CAN! w/o questioning the relevancy of its USE in the film!

Megan Fox is hot right?... so I’ll over expose her.. And also EVERY SINGLE women in the movie will be drop DEAD GORGEOUS to the point that you have to question my legitimacy as a director OR; if I’m just insulting your intelligence! …

So, what do you get when you’ve got MORE Transformers, Crazier Action, Insane
Storyline, RIDICOULOUS special Effects, and hot chicks everywhere?

Ann AWESOME MOVIE right?!

WRONG.

You see.. sometimes.. too MUCH of a “good thing” can just RUIN IT.. for example… you
may enjoy a slice of cheese cake.. however.. eating several cheese cakes at ONCE can
leave you queasy, upset, tired, even a bit irritable,

I think it’s called the law of diminishing returns (but what do I know I’m not a
doctor).. and I THINK that’s what director Michael Bay over looked: over doing it.

“People are going to expect a great movie, I’m going to give them WAYYY MORE THAN
THAT!”.. the classic case of the movie that tried to hard…

Daym Zia.. was it REALLY THAT BAD?

Nah.. I mean.. it DID have some descent points,

I mean the special effects were tight? Shyla Beouff (?) was PRETTY FUNNy.. Megan Fox
was hot?

But when you have a moronic story line, and over the top, well… EVERYTHING, it
renders the story useless, and irrelevant.

Just a 360 waste of time!

If you’ve got a blue ray DVD player at home... wait till it comes out.. but there’s
REALLY no use to see it in theatres.

The Special effects and in-coherent war scenes are mediocre at best,

I tell you what.. I’ll give it 2 stars

1.)Bc I have a robot crush on Optimus Prime

2.)I have a man crush on Shyla Buff (he was an EXCELLENT/ fun actor)

Those are the only 2 reasons to see this movie…

Otherwise Transformers 2 revenge of the fallen , fell WAY off the mark ( you like
that pun)

I’m OUT!

Bolt: the movie review

2009-04-12T16:40:00.001-07:00

ahhh..

nothing like doing very little to nothing on a Sunday morning..(after an un-eventful saturday night) watching movies for BABIES!!!

"wassup chick.. could i get your #"

... i dont think so..

"how about ur email?"

.... i'd rather not..

"twitter handle"

..Let go of my ARM!

"FINE!!.. at least i have BOLT to keep me compnay!!!"

Aside from protecting my fragile socially dependent ego... I dont know.. theres not MUCH to say about this movie.

it was slightly above average.

I guess i just really don't like the idea of my animated films being so contemporary. What with so much Hollywood
inuendo and pigeons with regional accents..

Actually... to be honest with you the pigeons were the coolest part.

"dude.. we've toooooootally got an awesome movie pitch for you bolt..."

Bolt: the movie review.

I dont know.. i guess its kinda hard to start a movie so freakin awesome.. with complex yet cliched action
sequences and then attempt to take it to a more serious heart felt direction later.

I dont feel like kids can keep up or REALLLY get into a charater with such a difficult to get behind plot?..

Like Finding Nemo is trying to find his kid

Lion King is getting Simbas kingdom back ( BTW... did you know " Simba" is African for Lion? OHH EM GEE.. i din't know that!)

either take it wayyyyyyyyyyy in left field like Madascar or shrek and have it be HELLLA funny with a light hearted attitude

or have it be more heart felt and NOT as much humor like Bambi orr.. ehhh.. I dont know... Pochantis? (or however you spell it)

Kudos to the writers and director for not spending toooo much time developing the basic bplot... but evne so..
the point is.. you cant have too much heart, too much comedy, and too much difficult to digets storyline
(ecspecially for kids)..

you've gotta pick ONE THEME and stick with it..

this movie just had too many elements..

but to say the least it was creative, well written, and fun to watch....

I really liked the cat "Mittens" her attitude and backsroy was interesting and believable ( ppl do treat their cats that way sometimes
but that little hampster in a ball was a bit annoying.

Again.. not tooooooo much to say about this movie, accept i dont feel jipped cuz i only paid a $1 for it at the red box.

*red box is the FUTURE of movies....

This is no finding nemo, monsters inc, shrek or even Cars. But its a descent movie with a few good laughs...

Synopsis:just dont expect any classic story telling, or a movie you'll be watching with your kids 10 -20 years down the road,
when they can beam movies into your head via wi fi

when the government gets caught in a brains scandal called " mind gate" where they've attempt to brain wash their citizens
with pro-peanut butter propaganda against the current jelly dictatorship regieme. (Elect President Kro-dose) dont blame me
i voted for Kang!

aaaaaaaaaaaanyways..

i give it 3 super barks outta 5...

Check out THIS review as well as others on Sazze

Yelping the hard way

2009-04-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

I dont know if this is relevant..

or even a big deal... but i dont really have anything else to write about so anywyas.... as some of you may know i run a small online community sazze.com

What up Sazze town..

and some jerk off had the audacity to hate on it:

http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-sazze-com

but then WEEEE had the audacity to " cap back"

http://www.sazze.com/answer/yelp-hating-on-sazze/3089

anyways...

I just wnat to make one thing abundantly clear to "yelpers"

Internet lesston #1

its not who does it first.

its who does it best.

watch your mouth..

(and your back)

-Holla!

10 Reasons Why I hate Tracy California

2009-04-09T19:21:00.001-07:00

1.)In the Summer, it smells like Cows, In the Spring it smells like Dogs, in the Winter I feel like Helen Hunt from Twister ( Save me Dennis Quaid) and in the Fall... ehh.... I also dont like it

2.) The only 2 radio stations that come in stations that come in perfectly clear are Calienta 106.1 Mucho Grande Radio-so, or Honky Talk 104.1 (no coloreds allowed)

3.) The 3 branches of Government in Tracy are Walmart, Costco, and Food Max ( in that order)

4.) the closest Block Buster is 30 minutes away, and the newest movie they have is Spiderman 2

5.) I hate windmills

6.) The internet Connection i so slow i might as well go to block buster than try to play youtube

7.) The Median Weight of a Tracy women is 300lbs

8.) I think the "Klan" lives up the street from me

9.) I dont know whats more akward:
a.) the Giant Cross burned into the ground that says " Jesus Saves
b.) or the Tiny bill board next to it with too overweight thugged out white boys comming out of a mid priced american "luxury sedan" with the caption " Filthy 205" written across the bottom

10.) The Masjid is 2 lawn mower sheds taped together.

14 Stupid reasons why DealsPlus is better than Batman

2009-03-13T14:36:00.000-07:00

1.)Bruce wayne has to pay FULL Price for his dates
http://dealspl.us/valentines_day_at_white_castle_126616

2.)DealsPlus didn’t kill Heath Ledger

3.)Deals Plus doesn’t wear a cape

4.)Batman has to pay FULL PRICE for his bacon lip gloss
http://dealspl.us/list/Hilarious/14708

5.)The PLUS logo is wayyy cooler than the bat logo

6.)Deals plus doesn’t get LOST for hours looking for the batcave (AHHHH i missed the EXIT AGAIN!!)

7.)Bruce Waynes alter ego is not a weath of female masturbation knowledge like Deals Plus’s alter ego ( Sazze)

http://www.sazze.com/products/beyond-2000-qx6-the-evolution-vibe-rabbit-dual-ac

8.)Deals Plus doesn’t have to wear black EVERY DAY! (im late for work again!!.. Robins gonna KILLL me..)

9.)No creepy old man live in Butler

10.)Dealsplus doesn’t have to make out with Maggie Gyllenhaul
( ehh.. i WOULD Kiss you.. i just have a cold right now)

11.) DealPlus doesn’t have strange and complex belts YOU can’t AFFORD!

12.)Deals Plus doesn’t have a weird kid following him around in yellow underwear and cape

13.)DealsPlus has never accidentally killed a man.

14.) There has never been a Batman movie starring Val Kilmer (HELLLOO BECKYYY??!!!!...... im sooooooooo CRAVING KRISSSSSSSSSSSSPY KREAM RIGHHHHHHHT NOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!)

More Reasons why Deals Plus is the Shiz?!:

http://blog.dealspl.us/dealsplus-comes-out-of-beta-ready-to-take-on-consumer-market

Watchmen the Review

2009-03-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

Watchmen: The Review

Hmm…. Let me just start of with an Italian Maxim Proverb that roughly translates to English as: WHOLLLY F*CKING SH*G That f*cking Sh*t was mother f*ck%ing SIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

Now, before we get into the actual film, let’s do a bit of “reverse engineering” shall we?

What makes a movie a “good movie”

HMMMMmmm….

Well, we’ve got

1.) A story line
2.) Interesting Chracters
3.) Connection with the audience
4.) Special Effects
5.) Action Sequences
6.) Comedic Value
7.) Intelligent Script
8.) Violence
9.) Suspense?
10.) Sex!
11.) Editing
12.) Lithginting/ shots
13.) Acting

Wll what if I told you, this move has an incredibly complex and involing story line, well written and “j-lo booty like well rounded” characters, great audience appeal, special effects to rival “The Matrix” Action sequences to Rival Jackie Chans early work, Comedic content that.. was…. Ehh… kinda funny, a Script so relevant and poinent you think through its meaning on different levels for days to come (errr at least I did), Violence so disgusting and despicable your gotta turn away from the screen, sex so hot, and creative you can’t keep your eyes OFF the screen (or your hands outta your’re pants)… ehhh Zia this is still the violent scene ( DON’T TALK TO ME I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!!!)…., edited so well with so many flash backs flashwards and parallel time lines you gotta explain it all to your chick afterwards, Lighting and shooting to make you think your watching an “ interactive theatre art piece”… - okay I don’t know what that is either, and most importantly…. The acting to make you belive it all!!!

Now…. Do you think were still talking about a “ good movie?”

Like.. what I really appreciated from this film, as that It “ wasn’t afraid”.. it wasn’t afraid to ADMIT that this is a movie about Super Heros, and take away all the cool moody lighting, all the suer powers, all the special effects and you wind up with the obvious: SUPERH HEROS are DORKY!!!!.... this movie was almost a paradoy… of ISTELF?

And this movie didn’t shy away from admitting it. Instead it re wrote a “ parallel” history to re-“shape” the fabric of American past with “super hero history woven in” which REALLLY allowed the viewer to say “ okay….I belive super heroes exist, in a plausible realistic sense”.

Another thing this movie didn’t shy away from was well, ANYTHING really, graphic sex, graphic violence, politcal values, social morality, war, death, famine, disease, super heroes, rape, OUTER SPACE!!.. how can you tackle all of these MOUNUMENTAL subjects in a 2.5 hour segment. Pshhhh.. I don’t know either, but it all came to seamlessly with like 6 parallel story lines all simultaneously coming to a climax in an insanely diabaolical conclusion, ending in the conclusion that life… life is just one big PRACTICAL JOKE.

Conclusion, this is not a GOOD movie, this a GREAT movie, from start to finsh, from history to logic, from violence to love, from action to special effect. A solid and well rounded VISUALLY STUNNING MASTERPIECE!

SEE THISS MOVIEEE!!

Warning: this movie has more penis then a shots then an australlian 80s porno. Why Austriallian? Bc that little piece right there would be an alliteration that’s why… (err however you spell it)

Oh okay Zia…., stop tryna be funny….is. this movie FOREAL that good?

I SAID GREATTTT!

Alright… but… forreal zia. Is this movie REALLLY that great?

Well.

Lemee give you ANOTHER warning.

If you’re thinking this is like.. a regular super hero movie with a bad guy that the good guy “accidentally created” in a “ webbed past” with the climax where they both have a bloody fight to the death and the bad guy goes….” You’re a god… but humans don’t respect you”

And the good guy goes… “ no…. YOU don’t respect you” and steps on his foot and the bad guy falls hella stories to his death..

Then you are sadly mistaken.

This movie almost parodies the ridculousness of super heroes, it DOES have a few action sequences that cater to your 1 dimensional action junkie fan base (RIGHT HERE!) . But for the MOST part? This movie is all Brains (granted mentally disturbed brains), with a heavy helping of heart.

See this if you want something to challenge you’re intellect, stimulate you visually, turn you on a little, and gross you out a lot.

If not go rent Ghost Rider.

5 stars, and no doubts.

The Return of Nothing Special

2009-03-09T22:08:00.001-07:00

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SNAaaaaap!!!

guess whos back on the grind!!

guess whos boss gave who a free laptop...

and guess whos hittin his blog back up!!

give up?!??

the answer to all 3 is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee!!!!

yup... man.. i just noticed my LAST POST?!

was back on Dec 28th.

so let me fill u in on the RECENTS shall i?

1.) i got a full time job at Sazze! that means full health benefits, and like 98% control over the community developtment!! (can't hate on that)

2.) OH.. i've got 2 new followers on the blog.. mad shout outs to titi and nikki!!

3.)uhhhhh....... um.. ive got a play station 3?.. ehh.. thats fun!!

4.).................................. i got a hair cut a week ago?

.....

hm...

aight.. so the ONLY really interesting thing is the fact that i've got a JOB and an laptop..

so im back in the mix like a weekday morning DJ!!! again!!..

so hopefully al 5 of my reader can forgive me for my obviosu absence.. and we could all get back ON IT TOGETHER!!

(who is this guy again)

yay!!!

now wheres my parade?

ehhh...Never mind...

The Six Movies of Xmas!

2008-12-28T15:53:00.002-08:00

wasssssssssssup world?!..and a belated merry X mas!!!..... Isn't it wierd that they changed they replaced the " Christ" in Christmas with "X'mas?" Do you think this was a commercial Ploy to remove the Religious undertones of the holiday allowing more people of different ethnicities to to celeberate? Or do you think Jesus was the original X man and everyone just new " x' was synonmous with Jesus?

I mean turning water into wine is a pretty awsome super hero power?

HMMMM..... interesting.. i mean its not like Christmas is such a LONG word to spell you know?.. i mean what about "Thanksgiving"?.. they dont call that like.... Thnxgiving.. errr... do they? Hmm. im not sure... .. or V-day.. instead of valentines day?.... oh I think they do that too..also...

(INALLLY.. someone has the Courage to STAND up AGAINST Valeintines DAY!!! )

alright.. well.. MABY I dont have a point..

but i DO have some REVIEWWWSSSSS!!!!

while you LOSERS were stuffing your Xmas Goose and spending time with your " families".. i was engaging in the TRUE meaning of Xmas!!.. to watch HELLA movies for the price of one ticket... and boy did I come away BIG!!!!...Ay Teeko?

"merry Xmas everyone!!!"

okay Teeko its spelled " xmas" just kuz im being lazy.. but its not pronounced " ex-mas"
....

" and where are your pants?"

anyways.. Santa blessed me with seeing the BELOW movies for the price of 1 ticket...

1.) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ( Awsome)
2.) Spirit ( WTF?)
3.) Valkerie ( Snoooooze)
4.) 7 Pounds ( VERY cool)
5.) Bed Time Stories (mehh....)
6.) The Day the Earth Stood Still ( I've already scene independence day)

im not the review in 3 words in paranthesis type... soo... LETS DOOOOOOO THISSSSS!!!!!

... uh.. why are you taking off you're pants?.. im... uh.. talking about reviewing these movies..

(ahh!.. i KNEW this picture would come in handy again!)

\hy!.. dont be embaressed.... YOUR just not my type?
uh?.. what?.. OH!.. no.. i dont mean to offend you?

.... whats wrong with you?... hm.. .. well your a man for starters.

thats one "branch" i dont think i could swing around"

ZIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!

.. alright im an idiot...

lets REVIEW IT UP!!!

The First Film of Christmas: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2008-12-28T15:53:00.001-08:00

This movie is FREAKING DOPE!!... I couldn't enjoy it FULLY... bc I KEPT thinking to myself.. " how is all this going to end.. " how AWSOME.. is this movie REALLY going to be!?...."

but in the end it DEFAINTLEY is awsome.. im not saying.. you know like.... I cried.. a bunch of times....or.. u know...anything like that.... but..

fellaz.. if your takin your chicks to see this. you may want to like.. see it B4?!.. hand.. so that you know.. like.. when the sad scenes come up or what not?.. like.. YOU wont be all like..

" nah.. girl..... Its the onions.. in my popcorn.. thats all"..

Anyways.... Brad Pitt.. did a FANTASTIC JOB!... how do you act like a 95 year old man with the intellect of a 5 year old?....

ME NIETHER!!??... but apparently Brad Pitt knows!!..

also that chick um... Kate Blanchet.. was looking REALLLY good... when she was suposed to... great on screen chemistry..
this is going to be like... Brad Pitts " Forest Gump" or.... whatever " Big Fish" was to " Tim Burton"..

Granted I dont have a billion dollar Button Factory.. but this movie REALLY makes me want to like.. live life to its Fullest and dump Jennifer Anniston and get with Angelina Jolie!!!

.. oh wait..

thats the curious case of "Brad Button"

anyways...

this is just a beautifully written, wonderfully told.. slightly crazy.. but excellently presented story.

Watch

This

Movie.

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-curious-case-of-benjamin-button/19932

The Second Film of Christmas: The Spirit

2008-12-28T15:48:00.001-08:00

You ever dated... like a SUPER attractive chick?(no)..

LET ME FINISH!!

You ever dated... like a SUPER attractive chick?.... but like.. she's dumb like a box of grade C Winchester Wyoming Oranges?....

ehhh........no?

....

well me NEITHER>.. but THATS what this Movie was like..

The film.. was visually breathe taking.. I mean i could NOT take my EYES off it.. the EXCELLENT play of harsh black white contrasts with touches of sharp red, and shadow?.... its like Director Frank Miller.. thought about EVERY Scene in his head OVER AND OVER AND OVER again before even STARTING this movie. To get THE most AMAZINGly well composed shots POSSIBLE!

but you know what he didn't think twice about?.. the Dialog?. and what else?.. who the F*ck would WATCH this movie!!.. if you've got a guy named " Octopus"? no one is going to take your film seriously..

"oh its a comedy is it?".. oh okay. fine.. let me ask you this.. who are you marketing this too.... bc... the subject matter isn't geared to children... and its not funny to adults... so basically what you've got is a beautiful film that no body wants to date.... -i mean-.. watch!
Its not all bad though.. the movie had some interesting concepts and themes.. but hey man..when your having Samuel L Jackson dress up like a Nazi, a Samuri and a Cowboy....

it doesn't matter how strong your ideas are..

YOUR MOVIE SUCKS!!

if your a huge art fan check it out... but dont expect a well told or even REMOTELY intresting story..

double thumbs down for whoever played spirit.. the person who was supposed to CARRY this peice of JUNK really sucked any POSSBILITY of believability right out..

I Pronounce this Movie DOA.

stick do what you do "FM" and stop trying to be funny..

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-spirit-2008-theatrical-release/19933

The Thrid Film of Christmas: Valkyrie

2008-12-28T15:30:00.000-08:00

err.. however you spell it... alot of people feel Tom Cruise is hard to like.. " get over" bc he's so regonizable in this film, and so wierd these days in real life...
well.. i didn't really have a problem with that.. what i DID have a problem. is watching like 2 hours of tom and company trying to stage a " coo" (LOL...thats a hilarious word.. i dont thinkhats how you spell it though..)

but the THING is.. I dont wanna watch Tom as Colnel Von Furstinburg trying to get Hitler to sign papers for 45 minutes....

Hello Colnel FurstenBurg... you didn't remember to put a cover sheet oonce von TPS reports..

sorry Hitler.. it wont happen again!

eitherway.. the point is.... We KNOW from History that Hitler killed himself; and that he had a SMALL mustache.. THUS; we KNOW the protaginist plot in this film will fail.

-Thats Stike 1

now you couple a obviously failed "coo" (heh heh) with an abundance of confusing paper work and muddled administrative tasks and you've got strike 2

Now you mix THAT in with slow story teller / director Bring Singer and you've got a slow, paper work filled, history inspired FAILURE ( hmm.. sounds kind of like my life) - STRIKE 3!

I think this film did the BEST it could given the story chosen.. and its VERY interesting to see the inner workings of trying to see how someone would go about over throwing a government.
But with SOO much working against it.. and the OBLIGATION of having to tell a story historically accuratley.. you've gotta ask yourself "Why did this movie get made"

check it out of your a history Buff, or just another Hitler fan!

but me?.. i'd hit the button on the alarm clock..

this this flick is a "SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZER"

-good one Zia!

http://www.sazze.com/products/valkyrie/19934

The Fourth Film of Christmas: 7 Pounds

2008-12-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

Absolutley fantastic!

NOBODY plays nice guy like Will Smith.. he's not that good at playing a hard role in the sense that his character is emotionally closed off in some instances..

but as a whole.. this movie is unique, interesting, emotionally charged, and just a BEAUTIFUL story..

(ahhh you said beautiful you'r gay)

damnit!!!.. my articulation has broughten my hetero-street credibility into play once again

augh!!

I know how to redeem myself!!: im SO crushing on Rosario Dawsome.... she is Such a little on screen Gem..
"little on screen GEM?!!.. you are such a dork".

.... damnit!!

You know..... I dont think the draw of this movie is like... the " movie stars".. is that you always like to see "good" in television or movies..

I mean Will Smith, Woody Harilson, Rosario, and whom ever else is in it... like.. they all are just GOOD people.. and they do GOOD deeeds.. and its i dont know.. just fun , and heart warming to watch..people to be GOOD to each other in desperate or trying times.

The movie doesn't TOTALLY reveal itself until the last frame of the last Scene..

beatufiuly put together, excellent non linear story telling, and well written, but with a touch of CLASSIC Will Smith humor. Although i was NOT really happy with his hair cut.. but i'll make peace with that....

I think Will Smith Deserves an Oscar nod for this one!

Oh.. for 7lbs?

uhh.... no... for The Fresh Prince of Bel Air....

definatley check it out w/ your girl..or your whole family.. for a good 'ol cinematic emotional Charge!
you know.. i NEVER did find out WHY it was called 7 pounds though.. HMMMMmm!!!

(Bonus Shot)

holler at me if you know?!

http://www.sazze.com/products/7-pounds/19935

The Fifth Film of Christmas: Bed Time Stories

2008-12-28T15:21:00.000-08:00

BED TIME STORRRRRRRIEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeezZZZ!!

......................... I dont know why i just did that..

I just think it would be funny of some efeminate gay dude said that ( err however you spell efiminate)

look at..

this movie is SUPER SIMPLE..

this guy (Adam Sandler) tell his kids bed time stories,

and the stories come true in real life..

if that doesn't make sense to you?..

your over thinking it.

if you like Adam Sandler; you'll like this.. although its a bit watered down since Disney sort of had its hand in it.. ( and they could also make a CRAZY amusement park ride based on its plot).
It was still good.. a couple of fart jokes, some silly voices, a little Corny side kick goofin around courtesy of Elton Brand? Its no where neither captures the surprising emotional charge of "click" (which is what I think Landed Adam this job) - I want a remote that 'll eventually give me a heart attack on the hospital floor..... sounds USEFUL) and the movie obviously doesn't come close the the classicly crude comedic stylings of Happy Gilmore or top 10 quotable Billy Madison

"Shampoo is Betta..... I clean the hayea.."

" no Conditioner is betta!.. i make hte hayer Sillky and SMOOooooth"

"OH REALLY FOOOL?!"

....

what was i talking about again?

oh yeah!!!

Bed Time Stories is definatley a fun movie, with some good laughs.. but very watered down main stream.. but if you KNOW 'ol Addy... you can catch a SLIGHT hint of some old school Bill Madison inspired humor see it w/ your kids, or w/ your buddies..

nothing TOOo great hear.. definatley can wait for DVD..

http://www.sazze.com/products/bed-time-stories

The Sixth Film of Christmas: The Day the Earth Stood Still

2008-12-28T14:24:00.000-08:00

"hmm.... are aliens TRULEY the evil ones?"

or are we as humans so fearful of what we DO not know.. that we are SELVES are the TUREEEEE aliens HMMMMMmmmmm?????

MMMMMM??!!

ehhhhhh!!!

AHHHHHHHHHhhh!!!!

LOL... thats kinda how the plot goes.. i mean.. it was a cool idea.. but its super layered under hella special effects dramatic army confrontations, and some guy who's like

" DEAR GOD mr. PRESIDENT!!!.. if my calculations are correct.. - and I wear glasses so they always are- We have.... 24. 97 seconds to LIVE!!!!"

LOL.. it was also funny bc they didn't actually SHOW the president?.. instead they only have secretary of defense played by " cathy bates"

.. you know.. in retro-spect in cases of pending alien invasions? I hope Obama doesn't leave all decision making to Hilary Clinton...

Bc Cathy Bates is a real BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORD!!.. and I dont mean Bitch..if you know what im saying?

... uh.. if you dont mean bitch? .. then i DONT Know what your saying..

oh no.. wait... i DOOOO mean bitch then....

or as the kids say theese days.. " BEEEE-OOOOOTCH"

nah.. but forreal it was actually remotley interesting.. Jennifer Connley is Beautiful, Keanu Reeves is excellent at playing an emotion-less Drone, and Will Smiths son learns the true spirit of christmas.

This was basically Independence day w/ a little less special effects, a 40 foot robot, and alot more heart. OH!!..and like.. robot Killer bees.. that was kinda cool...

Even though this is BIG budget Hollywood.. i really enjoyed the underlying themes of the movie.. i thought they were pretty interesting. Speacial Effects wise?.. i didn't think it was TOOOO awsome..

so if you read the book and your a huge fan of the original.. OR you just like the name "GORT". and you want to hear people say it..

check it out in theatres..

but if you can wait?

.... rental..

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-day-the-earth-stood-still-2008

Batman & Joker Endorsed Sneakers?!

2008-12-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

Okay.. so they're not REALLLLY.. endorsed by Batman OR the Joker.... but Nike has put together a couple of sneakers.. that are actuallye endorsed by Lebron and Kobe..

but the COLORWAYS... reflect those of Batman and the Joker..

Interested?...

I DIDN"T think so.. but HERE THEY ARE ANYWAYS!!

OH WOW!!!.. a black shoe.. how ORIGINAL.. you deserve some sort of.. shoe.. design.... award... or something Lebron... SOOOOOooo innovative.. LOL.. but WAIT THERES MORE... check out the little batman logo on the tongue!!

MMMMMM... kay.. now i KNOW I was hating before.. but THATS actually pretty hot.. and makes me RE-think this whole purchase.. THATS SICK!!.. but could the BATMAN himself rock these? umm.... I dont know.. i think so.. maby!!.. actually yeah... thatd be DOPE of BATMAN rocked some Le BRONS HUH?!

Solid Black doesn't put a "SMILE ON THAT FACE?"

check out these Joke inspired Kobes!!!

WHY SO SERIOUS?!.... you think im playin.. lets take another look!still a little un-sure?.. I KNOW.. lets put a JOKER picture.. below for comparison!!

........ okay....now THATSSSSsss sick..

now heres the REAL question... oculd you EVER see the Joker wearing these?

......... prolly not.. but HEY.... I WOULD!!!!

ahh the world of sneakers and super heroes together at last.. very cool stuff.. Thanks for the pics and ideas Nike.. mad LOVE!!

my question is when are they gonna come out with a Riddle Shoe?.. an air force 1 with a bunch of question marks?.. or a " Penguin shoe?.. a size 5 1/2 dress shoe?... NOT like im going to buy either.. just curiuos!

ya dig?

28 Wisdoms From a 28 Year Old Boy

2008-12-18T21:14:00.000-08:00

1.) Cartoon Movies are awsome: The Incredibles, Cars, Shrek, Finding nemo. Stop acting your age and go see them now!

2.) Women are beautiful. Any man who kisses another man is an idiot. (err.. other than for experimental purposes.. or just practice)
3.) Street Fighter 2 is the best video game ever created.

4.) There are a two essential ways to live your life:

i.) have all the toys; and play none of the time

II.) have none of the toys, and play all of the time.

5.) In the end everyone will look like someones grandparents, so love someones soul.

6.) by the year 2079 you will be able to purchase a wife on " the internet V: Steve Jobs Jr.s Revenge". The purchase plan will allow the user to set the soon to be Mrs. apperance to their exact specification. Shipping and Handling will be free. Use bleow coupon code for free DD upgrade and 20% second purchase: XDDBOING79

7.) The opposite of Love is not Hate.. it is Indiferrence.

8.) There is no such thing as cool. It is a false image perpetuated by several commercial industries to encourage spending to reach a false ideal standard. In reality everyone trips over their shoe laces, reads comic books, or has accidentally farted in public. The sooner you realize you are NOT cool, and accept who you truly are the sooner you will enjoy life more.
9.) food never tastes as good as it smells

10.) The World will never remember your name. Do you remmeber Bill Russel? The name of the 17th president of the United Sates? My point is.. if you are going to do anything do it for yourself. Not the fame.

11.) Terminator 2: Judgement day is the best movie of all time.
12.) A man in excellent shape with a T shirt and Jeans has a more impressive physical apperance then a man with the latest designer clothes on who is in poor shape.

13.) If you do something you love you never have to work a day in your life. However, more likely then not other people want to do the SAME THING that you love doing because they love doing it also. This breeds competition. THUS in order to do something you love you must work very hard to beat out said competition. Vis Vee: You have to work very hard to never work a day in your life.

14.) To try your best at something and do poorly is not a failure. To never try is a failure.

15.) The world will laugh at you if you fail, and laugh with you if you suceed, but the worlds laughter can never hurt if you learn to laugh at yourself. Also the word laugh should be spelled "laff" or " laph".

16.) flip flops are gay

17.) Jokes are like UFO sightings; hilarious in real life.. but extrodinarily difficult to catch on film "you had to be there"

18.) You are not saving any money by purchasing $5.00 worth of gas on Monday and another $8.00 worth of gas on Thursday. Fill up your tank.

19.) "could have, should have, and would have" should be eliminated from the english language as it ensinuates the ability to go back in time to change the past. without the advancement of Doc Browns time machine the human being can only look to their past and look at the history of their accomplishments and follies and LEARN from them. Learn from your past to create your future.

20.) "reading is the single greatest accomplishment of humanity" the ability to learn through visual symbols, denoting histories experiences".. dont belive me?.. fine..

lets say you wanna build a house..... w/o reading anything?... get STARTED!

lets say you wanna build a house.. and you go to architectural school<--- is that what its called?.. and you read about frank loyd right and other architects.. by READING their trials and ERRORS you in a sense take on t heir personas and look through their eyes. benefiting from their sucesses and avoiding their failtures. <--- Im not sure if sawing a lady in half is magic.. but im sure THAT is.

21.) The most important questionw you will ever ask yourself is "why?"

- want to drink? no?... "WHY?"

-want to smoke? no? "why?"

-want to cut your hair this way ? "WHY?"

-you like that song?" WHY?"

to answer the great " whys" of life is to define ones identity. The sooner you can answer every why in a stream lined semi- non-contadictory manor you have defined yourself as a human being and as an individual.

22.) Life is not a battle of "good" and "evil" anymore. with modern convienences and scientific advancements it is a question of "character" or "convienence" (convienence vs chracter) dont get it?

- lets say you sell you discover Bannas in say Guatamala, and you want to export them to the United States? and your making BILLIONS upon BILLIONS Of dollars.. now THATS convienent

- lets say the Guatamalan indeginous people want a peace of the deal, you have poor moral CHARACTER, and want to keep that money for yourself instead of sharing. So you wage a genoicdal war on "The Banana Republic".

23.) Boobs are good.

24.) Not unlike the Jungles of Africa; the Public Restroom is a strange and untamed place where shocking experiences can happen on a whim, and unexpected occurences are expected.

25.) The Nike Swoosh is the coolest visual cue of all time.

26.) People will always clamour and complain for something new. But when you give them something new they will claimour and complain about how wierd it is.

27.) falling asleep is AWSOME.. waking up SUUUUUuuuuuuucks!!!

28.) There is no need to try to " fit in" bc there is nothing to " fit into" aside for your grave.

Dark Knight or Dark Hype?

2008-12-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

So im big into movies right?

(oh really?.. i hadn't noticed)

QUITE YOU!!.... so im big into movies right?... and for some reason.. i guess a scheduling fluke, a over booked weekend what have you.. i was the LAST person to seee Dark Knight when it came out in theatres.. i ended up waiting like 4 weeks to see it.

and when YOU blog about Movies All Day?... the LASSSST thing YOU wana do is be the LAST person to see a movie this big!!

kuz ppl come up to you like.. " Zia.. you've got to see that yet you've gotta review it?"

really?

"yes.. its the best movie of the summer"

really!?

"no no.. its the bets movie of the year!"

wait..... really?

"no.... no... its the best movie ever!!"

are you sure your not over selling it?

"TRUST ME.. there is NO POSSIBLE WAY for me to OVER SELL THIS MOVIE!!!"

hmmmmm.....

so I see it.. and guess what?

OVER SOLD!!

I mean it was good.. great sweeping city scapes, some cool gadgets and a truck that gets flipped over.. but.. whats up w/ the Poor editing, convulted over lapping, irritating story lines, sloppy direction and crap crafted action sequences?

You've got sooo many characters and SOooo much story to cover... you dont have the time to REALLY feel strongly for any ONE of them... so the movie just sort of paces along and you dont really give a f*ck about anyone on screen....

Its like.. the BIGGEST HOllywood movie of the year.. is trying NOT to be hollywood at all. I mean.. yes we ALLL know Christopehr Nolen is an independent film director.. but just bc George Cloonster and Fat Lip Kilmer sucked up the last 2 batmans.. doesn't mean you can't Use certain ideas and concepts to make your movie likeable to a broader audience...

But Zia.. this movie is supposed to be REALLY reallistic..

OHhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay...

dont get it twisted.. i have no problem with th excecution and explanation of the bruce wayne to batman story line... FLAWLESS ( i think i cried in batman begins).. I mean.. just kidding..

but if you thinkg a dude with 45 lbs of rubber and a cape that can't turn his head is beating up more than say.. half a person?.. you are sadly mistaken my friend..I mean i have an easier time that whatever Adam West was wearing when HE played batman was easier to move around in then what Christian Bale Wears!!!

and w/ the awsome usage of CGI there is no reason you coudln't mimic batman the animated series movements...

"but he wanted to keep it real and raw"

okay FINE!

how about this.. have you seen hell boy?.. whoever played hellboy had on MAAAAD prosthetices. simlar to what batman wears but man.. youshould have SEEN HIM MOVE!!

it was f*cking incredible!!.. the WHOLE time i watched that movie i was thinking.. " why can't btman move like that"

C'mon dog.. this is supposed to be the BIGGEST movie in the Summer.. and you've got ME making editing corrections and pointing out ani-climactic moments?

so i knOW what your thinking?

"Blah blah blah Zia.. what about the Joker Whaaaa!"

fine... your right.. the joker was awsome.. but theres no need to talk like a baby... thats just wierd and annoying..

.... but no... i THINK... what everyone was talking about calling this best movie of the summer was Heath Leadgers Posthumus<-- is that how you spell it?.... Role as the "Joker" sick, twisted, hilarious, and fun!!

I recently had the honor of seeing this movie on a 104" screen in HD and it

was

Fan

tas

tic!

I was on the EDGE of my SEAT every time that crafty litte clown came on screen!!! It just seemed so REAL.. that i was like stressing like.. " OMG.. is he REALLY going to do that to her FACE?!!!.. (Zia you've seen this twice before.. ) DOESNT Matter. things are so clear this time things could be HORRIBLY different!!!!

an EXCELLENT Performance... Heath will go down in the history books as classic criminal masterminds played by Robert Dinero, All Pachino or even Denzel Washington.
an INSTANT Icon.. ( the make up doesn't hurt nis noteabilty either)

and even the Movie Studio Knew IT!!.. the movie was BARLEY promoted by batman.. it was all Joker

"Why so serious" Why so serious " Why so serious?"

AWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwsome stuff..

but back to the point..

I love Batman.. the MOVIE WAS CALLED BATMAN!!.. I went to SEE IT FOR BATMAN!!!!

i've watched every movie, and i've seen 80% of the cartoons...

and the cartoons are FANTASTIC!!!... a sleek sophistcated art deco style low tech animation; show casing batmans technologies and innovations so you KNOW he's not faking it; but at the same time the light and shadow interplay just give you a peak of this looming creature from the criminals prespective.. and its TERFFIFYING!!!!

and he was so fluid and agile..

something that NO batman movie has been able to capture..

but now im veering off the subject.

the Point is..

"The Dark Knight" was okay..

if you named the movie.. " Why so Serious".

or the " Jokers revenge"?

or " The Last Mimzy or even " Water Horse"

that would have been one of the greatest movies of all time..

But its Not.. its Called the Dark Knight..

and The Knight did Not deliver. I dont blame Christian Bale...

I blame Christopher Nolan.. stop trying to be all " under ground and cool"

and Make a relevant movie that echos the potential that batman has!

do a Sin City type thing.. stylish uniqe and creative.. higlighting shadows to help tell story..

you know what!!

I shoudln't be helping you!!! think this through..

My point is.. get it together "CN".. your independent film making style isn't WELCOME HERE!!!!

ya Dig?

*check out more of my reviews on Sazze.com

You Know He's Gay Right?

2008-12-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

So a friend of mine has got some pretty close connects to Hollywod..
[oooooooooooo OOOOOOOO!!!.. does he no Micheal Jordan?]

Mmkay first of all it’s a she,

Second of all Jordan lives in Chicacgo.. not all PEOPLE ON TV live in Hollywood

And third of all don’t interrupt me no more! (god your so rude sometimes!!)

Who is?

YOUUUUUUUU ISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
… anyways.. so she knows whats up on the Hollywood tip right? And its like everytime we Talk I end up being like…..“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAt.. what do you MEAN HE’s GAY!!??.. Isn’t he

MARRIED!?!?”

Now I KNOW what your thinking.. “ uh.. duh.. u didn’t KNOW he was Gay?!..

you know what?

NO!!!

NO!!.. I didn’t!!

And You know what else?

I DON’T LIKE BEING LIED TO!

EXCUSE ME for believing EVERYTHING A movie TELLS ME….

If a legend is blowing away Zombies with a shotgun; im not going to question weather or not he’s going home to his boyfriend instead of Jayda

If John Tucker pulls so many chicks he’s going to die … im not going to second guess if he washes his mouth out 50 million times like ‘ aughh I had to kiss a girl.. and I hate kissing girls…… also I hate that Katie Perry song “ I kissed a girl and I like it”.. kissing women is DISGUSTING it gives me nightmares’”

When Magneto uses his power of Magnetism to destroy the X men; you don’t assume he’s using that SAME power to undo some dudes belt buckle

Now.. belive me (or don’t.. I don’t care) when I tell you I’ve got nothing against the Gays… well except maby watching them make out.. (maby I should stop watching broke back mountain)

Anyways….

I Like my Actors playing these Pivotal roles (especially child hood classics or American Icons) to be SOME WHAT authentic!!

Zia.. it’s a movie.. its not SUPPOSED to be REAL!!!!

FINEEEEEEEE!!!

GRANTED I know a 65 year old Sylvester Stallone can’t beat up a 24 year old Dolf London.

I know Daniel Radcliff doesn’t really Know Wizard magic,

and I KNOW Arnold Swarchenaggar isn’t a time traveling robot from the future sent back to the past to protect john connor the last general of the Human resistence.. ( or IS HEEEEEEEE!!!)

The Idea of the Protaginist in any story is the idea that you have to become close to them. And at that point it sometimes becomes blurred who the person is,, and who the character is. The protagonist is responsible for leading you into the story; introducing you to other characters, and in essence being YOU! In the best movie the characters identify with the main character SO MUCH they cry when something bad happens to him / her because they feel like they ARE that person in THAT story..

And to find out that person is gay… it kind of kills the whole concept that the movie has set up (unless the main character was gay to begin with).. not bc “eww that gross” but because its like.. “ oh…. Man.. I .. I thought I KNEW “

As a director you want your protagonist to be as close to or “act” as close to the intial vision of the story as possible. And if the actor has a drug habit, a horrible divorce track record, even has done some jail time it may tarnish the film, (or actually add to it).. but being Gay? And playing certain roles? Its just too big of a leap…

I don’t want my protagonist to be all.. “ okay Jake.. time to suck it up.. and method act.. I KNOW kissing Angelina Jolie is ABSOLUTLEY DISGUSTING.. but suck it up an DO IT.. you’re a professional for god sakes!!!”

If I were a director..and im casting for one of my joints.. Im going to be like.. Hey.. are you Gay?... because listen… no offense… I know Captain America Looks Gay?.. but he’s not… and if it comes out that You are GAY.. but you some how got the Role of captain America anyways?.. I’m

Gonna get FIRED!

So if you are Thank you for your time.

Oh ZIA…. That’s not fair!!

Uhh.. yeah it is… check it… say there shooting a 2pac shakur movie…. If Jim Carrie showed up

would he get the part?..

Lets say we’re shooting a Bruce Lee Movie.. do you think Chris Tucker could show up for the role? ( actually that would be awesome) but NO!

But that’s different?

Why?.. bc gay can be hidden?.. and I can be lied to?..

Well what if I DON’T LIKE BEING LIED TO?!

Ya dig?

TI; Paper Trail: The Forumla for Swag

2008-12-12T17:24:00.001-08:00

So my buddies site lets you hear all these new records right? ( i can't tell you his name or I could get sued)

and im not gona lie most of them were laaaaaaaaaaaame?... ( Leona Lewis's album)?.. you are so G*Y bro...

(actually.... im going to have to hear that one through my headphones; when no ones around.... on a desert island... in a cave....)..

KEEEEEEEEEEP BLEEDING KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDING!!

...

u think they have Wifi on deserted islands?

Anyways.. so wassup w/ this TI record? (OMG imma tell you just hold on!!.. gawd.. always impatient.. lets get to know each other a little bit first... how are you?... me?. im good thanks for asking.. just a bit bored at work today.. so i thought i'd you know.. get online and ju-. wha?.. ok-OKay FINE yeah... nah whatever YOU DONT WANT TO TALK FINE!!. hers your " PRECIOUS REVVEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIWWWWWW")

ahem.... sorry..

anyways.... I tell you man.. this record is the HEAT SON!!.. its hard!!

and i KNOW what your thinking.. TI is 95lbs and 5'nothing... TRUE.. which means he has to work EVEN harder to earn your respect.. which he does in like the first 2 minutes of his firt song by saying..

" your swag owes MY swag an applogy"

and " my swag will be suing your swag in a court of law".. err.. something like that..

eitherway.. his delivery; thick southern drawl, and Confidence is DOPE..

its wierd.. sometimes when ppl reach a certain level of fame... and sucess.. and ppl are waiting with bated breathe for their next creative endovour.. the creator or "artist" stumbles and puts out crap.. i mean.. i dont REALLY know how Nellys record did.. but i've heard not well.

and i KNOW 50s record is having some problems..
and I have my theories of how that Harry Potter Author is going to follow up her whole "Hogwart" thing..
but TI comes out of the GATE guns BLAZING.... Its like he doesn't miss a beat; doesn't recognize his own sucess; and doesn't care about the PRESSURES i KNOW his label is putting on him....

If your not a very confident person.. pick up this ablum.. and jus tlisten to it 3 times though.. if your not cursing out the lady at your Local Arbys.... for not giving your extra curly fries..you must have bought the wrong album.. (... or just not have ordered curly fries)

Also when your a small framed, southern rapper; you have a MUCH lower chance of being takin seriously, and ability to suceeed then lets say a well built 6' double quarter named up NORTH rapper? but I think his "under dog" status works for him.. he uses it to his advantage.. and carries some fire that NO 6 album releasing rapper I've ever heard has... (awww man.. TI looks like a total DORK next to 50!)

when he TALKS at the end of his songs.. he's so F*cking clever/ hilarious/ confident.. i guess THATS is the formula of swag isn't it?

Swag = (Clever+Confidence+Comedy)/Legitmate urban delivery?

HMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm....
(NOW THATS Swagger.. baby.. except for those pink shoes those are g*y... WAIT A MINTUE!!)

anyways.. its a GREAT record.. solid beats, GREAT delivery; definate swagga..

I mean.. lyrically he's on point.. they're more like just clever rhymes like.. " arguin" rhymes with " what car you in"

like rhyming is clever.. there is no play on words or anything like that..

but for the record like ; some of his songs are pretty powerful... NOT on 2 pac level.. but its just cool that he SOMEONE can still take it there..

with all these rappers trying to sing, explore musical talents, act, and sort of branch out into clothing lines and big buseinss( im not sayin TI isn't one of them).. but its just good to hear some Hip Hop thats inspired by some early 90s Gangsta mentality

ya DEAAAAAAAAAAAAG?

11 Reasons Why My I Phone is Better Than Whatever the Crap It is that YOU OWN!

2008-12-11T16:13:00.003-08:00

1.) I can play Piano in the Bathroom 2.) I know that Spiderman 4 is coming out Dec.28th; I know GI Joe is coming out August 7th and I know Transformers is coming out June 26th. And YOU still havn't seen Rush Hour 2
3.) Jelly Car; Jelly Car JELLY CAR!
4.) My I phone is like wine, wait.. like a watch.. My I phone gets better with time like a WATCH! Its More Helpful now than it was 6 Months ago; and if History serves us correctly. It'll be even MORE helpful 6 months from now.
5.) Its named after a Fruit not a Berry

6.) Its Touch screen OR NO SCREEN AT ALL!
7.) I know its 39 Degrees and raining in Huntsville Alabama rigggggggggggght NOW. 8.)They're Delicious in Cake Form
9.) I can see your house from here
10.) I can tell you where Every Arby’s in America is
11.) Is that a Computer in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

You Are What You Wear

2008-12-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

You ever think about clothing desingers?.. I mean you hear the name Tommy..and you think.. aughh man.. thats sick!.. and you automatically think of this logo?

When I was younger i LOVED tommy Hilfiger and I always wanted to Rock some Versace Like i used to see 2pac do it..
but.... isn't it kinda wierd that Calvin Klein, Tommy Hillfiger, and Ralph Lauren PUT their names on YOUR clothes? but you never see THERE faces?.. and your not really sure who THEY ARE?

I dont know I mean.. what if Tommy Hilfiger is a racist; what if Calvin Klien is a Coke head? What if Ralph Lauren is a dork?...

and YOU dont KNOW any better.. and your rocking their ISH?!

Brands like Stussy; and Nike dont refrence a particular individual... they refrence a culture life style; so you dont have to worry about if the LOGO that your rocking is some dude who got kicked outta the Army bc he was such a loser.... Yves St. Laurant endorses his own suits... and YOU rock Yves St. Laruent... then Yves St. Laurant endorses you.... . And in turn YOU endorse Him! and my thing is.. I dont want to endorse ANYONE that I know nothing about. Or that I think is a major Dork...

Air Jordan?.. the dude one 6 champions, 2 slam dunk contests, and is widely considered to be the best in the game. WTF has Mark Jacobs Done?
Sean John is a Hip Hop Mogul, who was the producer for one of the great MCs of all time. What has Tom Ford Accomplished? <--- well he did dress Daniel Craigs James Bond.. thats actually pretty awsome..

I like to rock my Logos like a Badge of Honor: yeah it took me 70 bucks to get this but I rock it.. and it means something to me!

Marc Ecko cares about every stich of clothing like his tailor great grand father did before him. I rock that logo like I love it. Im not saying " Dont rock some of these boojie Designers" nah.. kuz sometimes they come up with the BEST STUFF and its HARD nay IMPOSSIBLE to hate on..

all im sayin is soem of the coolest "names" in the fashion industry can be some of the BIGGEST DORKS IN THE WORLD!

and you as the consumer have the RIGHT to know what some of these doosh bags look like b4 you rock their gear. So I do this NOT to hate on anybody.. but to better let YOU the consumer make a better decision:

here are pictures of your favorite Designers:Tommy Hilfiger (Hi GUYS!!!.. who wants to come to my house to Play some Cheezits and eat some Parcheesy!.... wait) Calvin Klein: (ahhhh... and now some thinking time in the Calvin Cave... you mean your ancient greek themed Gay Bar?......... Yes.) Ralph Lauren: ( Aughhhhhhhhhh GLAYVIN.. I love the FAYSHIns GLOOVIN but I hate the pretty GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-UUUUUUUUUUUUURLS!!! Glag- HAYVEN!!!) Marc Jacobs (I think he Might be Gay... why bc he's kissing another man?.. no bc he has a sponge bob square pants tatoo) Yves Saint Lauran:( Vood Joo Like for me too make Joo a Zoot?)Tom Ford: (oooo...look at me.. im Tom Ford.. .im so... hm... ALRIGHT FINE TOM FORD IS AWSOME!) but is he THIS AWSOME?

The Answer: ... uh... Maby.

Holla!

You Know its Eid When

2008-12-09T09:37:00.001-08:00

1.) Its 9am on a Tuesday, and your not at work.

2.) You go to grab your car keys and wallet and realize your kurta shalvar has no pockets.

3.) You're wearing clothes designed for the scorching desserts of Arabia in 34 degree Brooklyn NY weather.

4.) You tell your job you need tomorrow off for a religious holiday ( and your not lying).

5.) You're super paranoid about leaving your $145.oo Air Jordan Sneaker alone in the midst of everyone elses shoes ( you promise them you'll be back)

6.) Today is the day your mom finally makes that 10 course breakfast your always begging her for and your 20 minutes late to Eid Prayer! ( you eat it anyways)

7.) Your local Imam commands you to have a good time today and only mentions Hell fire 47 times.

8.) You start to get a little nervous as your dad keeps mentioning what Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) did to Profit Ismaeel (peace be upon him) * you remind yourself to hide the kitchen knives when you get home...

9.) For once your actually lowering your gaze trying NOT to check out women... ( nice floor .. what is this Linoleum?)

10.) Your "Fergie";"My Humps" ring tone goes off when you are in Sajda (what you goin do with all that junk inside that trunk? *ohhhhhhhh DEEEAAAARR!!!*Hans Moleman)

11.) You think Osama Bin Laden just told you not to wear jeans to the Mosque; and you think Sadaam Hussain just told you you should have been married 3 years ago

12.) You're walking around your local convention center barefoot

13.) the "triple hug" rears its awkwardly hilarious head

14.) At the local Burger King everyone assumes you to be the King of Za-Moonda, or more likely a Terrorist (either way your Whopper Jr. is only a buck...) - The Whooper Jr. is ALWAYS ONLY A BUCK, ZIA!!

...

oh.

15.) When the Imam says "Allah- Ho-Aqbar" in the second rakat; you go into rookoo instead of raising your hands to your ears (Doh!)

16.) Your Forty Minutes late to Namaz and your the first one there...

Happy Monday?

2008-12-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

aughhhhhhhh man!!!

i am SOOooo burning the Candle on Both ends today..

its is almost Midnight.. and guess where I am?

"Watching re-Runs of 3rd rock from the Sun"?

....no..

...

i know ur being sarcastic but that would be awsome..

Im at loser work trying to edit out this Final Black Friday Video..

I can't say i'm entriley happy w/ the result.. but I can say i did MOST of it myself..

so im about 60% happy w/ it..

but.. let me see how it turned out..

i'll holla @ u guys w/ my FINAL review of myself later!!!

Zia Ahmads Most Fascinating People of 2008

2008-12-05T16:33:00.001-08:00

I'm Calling out Barbra Walters.. I read her top 10.. and it was Lame.. Will Smith? Some Transexual man/women who had a Baby? Tom Cruise? SARAH PALIN?! Hannah Mon- F*CKIN Tannah!?.. NAHHHHH!!!... I got yout to 10 list RIGHT HERE!!..

no really!.. check it out!!!

1.) Barack Obama: A Grammy winning, basketball playing, weed smoking, , lobbyist contribution refusing, Harry Potter Reading, two time best selling author President of the United States?!... if THAT’S not #1 on YOUR Fascination LIST.. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!
(okay guys.. if THIS goes in.. im President)

2.) Rober Downey Jr.:IRON MAN IS AWSOME!!!.. (eh… Zia.. you DO realize that Iron Man is a Movie played by the ACTOR Robert Downey Jr. Not a real person Correct?..............
IRON MAN IS AWSOME!!!!

3.) Whitney Brown: I’ve got a Front row Seat for this one.. TRUST me she’s going to be HUGE!

4.) Le Bron James: Miheal Phelps is Fine but Im Lookin at Lebron James.. and not because I think he can be the Next Micheal Jordan ( of course not that’s absurd).. but because I want to see if he can bcome the next Warren Buffett.
James, the 22-year old star of the Cleveland Cavaliers, has been hyped as the game's next superstar since he was in high school. And his own ambitions are no less grand - he has stated a desire to be the first billionaire athlete.

With LRMR Marketing; several endorsement deals, his own shoe line; being in excellent shape (What does that have to do with anything) *SHUT UP!!!*, and getting better and better every Year LeBron Might soon be the “ Bron Billionare”… u like that?... its gotta little ring to it dont it?

5.) Colin Powel: Sarah Palin?? PLEEEEEEEEEEZE!!! Former Republican Secretary of State endorsed Barack Obama., for president, criticizing his own Party for what he called its narrow focus on irrelevant personal attacks over a serious approach to challenges he called unprecedented.
-DAYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyymmmmmmmm!!!! 6.) Andre 3000: being one of the top 5 MCs is one thing; (take NOTES 50 Cent)but learning to play the Pianao, Saxaphone; Guitar; and still rip such a dope Guest Spot on Keith Legends Track?... That’s what I call pushing the limits of musical Acceptance 7.) Mr. T: for Obvious Reasons
8.) Kanye West: Beat it Hannah Montanna!!.... Yeezy is The Alternative to the Ghetto Money Hungry Rapper; This College Drop Out breathes New Life into the Hip Hop game pushing the boundries of Music with 808 and Heart Break and killing it on the fashion tip with his new Pastel Clothing line.. Hate if you want to but Kanye West is All Heart and Sole.. and 808? 9.) Metallica: so technically there four people... but anyways... 2008s Death Magnetic is Metallica's fifth consecutive studio album to debut at No. 1 and its seventh release to start with more than 300,000 since 1991, when Nielsen SoundScan began tracking data. Rock the F*ck ON!Metallica was easily the best, most influential heavy metal band of the '80s ( year hear that GUNS and LOSER ROSES!!) . the bandmates looked and talked like they were from the street, shunning the usual rockstar games of metal musicians during the early '80s. Metallica also expanded the limits of thrash, using speed and volume not for their own sake, but to enhance their intricately structured compositions

The Men in Black are the first group to see five of its albums bow at No. 1 on The Billboard 200. Previously, the act was tied with the Beatles, U2 and the Dave Matthews Band, with four each.

10.) Karma Loop Kathy

- That’s Why

AND THAT MY FRIENDS..... is a REAL top 10 LIST!!!

Lil Wayne is an AWSOME MC; heres why

2008-12-04T17:33:00.000-08:00

Reasons Why Lil Wayne is one of the Tightest MCs in the Game

I.) Style: he has a unique and inovative style like no one else or very few others on the Hip Hop Scene; Using Bape Clothing, hos long dreads and Inked up small frame, and even Tatted up FACE! Lil Wayne is immediatley recongizable and soon to be a cultural Icon that transcends Rap

II.) He's GHETTTTOOOOO!!!; have we forgoten that Hiphop was almost strategically designed to hate on fancy suits well manicured hair and over all boogie-ness?!... and now with acts like Jay -Z and Diddy its almost part of it.. lil WEEEZY takes hip hop BACK to its Roots but in a unique an interesting way

III.) Swagger: a mix of conifdence; Style and personality.. that can't be taught, or emulated

IV.) Delivery: with a light raspy voice; confused / enteratining delivery you have NO IDEA what he's going to say next; like an un organized lower vocabularied Eminem. Sometimes its GENIUS.. other times its absolutley MORONIC!!.. its the thrill of playing the " verbal lottery"..

V.) Misunderstood: the Times of socially concious / angry rappers like 2 pac and Biggie and Nas are over ... I dont want to hear anothe rapper complain about his poverty or love his mom.. Pac already did that and he cannot be de-throned ... I dont want to hear another rapper talk about selling crack or shooting guns.. TI and Biggie put that ship to sale a WHILE back.... so whats left?... well for one thing.. WORD PLAY!!.. its fun.. clever.. intelligent.. and stupid all at the same time!!.. and LIL- WEEEZY's got it down to a Science!

V:) Lyrics man LYRICS.. okay..sometimes what he says doesn't make sense.. other times you can't understand.. but you've got to appreciate what he puts on the table..(excellent word play) here are 11 of my favorite Lil Wayne Quotes

1:) Get you 3,4 get youLike the number after 1, I'ma get me 2
Take that, no better yet like Diddy “take that”Wait rats, I hate rats, I clean 'em out like AjaxGot paper like a fax machine, asaneenDamn I mean asinine, I'm dapper donAnd after mine there will be nine, damn I mean there will be none
They say you're nobody 'til somebody kills youBut where I'm from you're nobody til you kill somebodyAnd you know what they sayWhen you're great it's not murder it's assassinateSo assassinate me, bitchCause I'm doing the same shit Martin Luther King didCheckin in the same hotel in the same suite bitch same balconyLike assassinate me bitch

2:) Cause I don't write shit cuz I ain't got timeCause my seconds, minutes, hours go to the all mighty dollar

3:) Y'all don't really wanna do itIf hip hop is dead I am the embalming fluid

4:) And I be the shhhhNow you got loose bowelsI don't owe you like two vowels

5:) Boy I got so many girls like I'm Michael Lowry
Even Gwen Stefani said she couldn't doubt me

6:) If that woman wanna cut, then tell her I am Mr. Ointment

7:) and I can go anywhere, innie, minnie, miney, moI'm in yo', neighborhood area, CD thang, tape deckiPod, ya gurlfriend and she say I got great sexSafe sex is great sex, better wear a latex'cause you don't want that late text, that "I think I'm late" textHeh-heh, so wrap it up

8:) Little Wayne For President
Fuck ‘um Fuck ‘um Fuck ‘um Even if they Celebate

9:) I know the game is Crazy its more Crazy than its Ever Been
Married to that Crazy Bitch, call me Kevin Federline

10:) I stay on my Flow and Cash Money like a Rug
Tied to the bird man like a f*ckin Lug
The Only time I will depend is when im 70 years old
Thast when I can’t hold my shit within so I shit on myself
‘Cause I’m so sick and tired of shitting on everybody else

11:) I feel caged in my mind, it's like my flow doing time, I goes crazy inside,but when it comes out it's fine, like wine, wait, watch, seeI get better in time like a watch osh-be-gosh-poshWife's husband cookin kick it like, I kick it bitch I kicks it.no cereal like a landing I sticks it.

NOW THATS HIP HOP BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Shoe Review

2008-12-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

Dec 15th: The Air Jordan III Review:

The Air Jordan III;I KNOW you remember this?..

okay maybe not..But this shoe is HISTORY IN THE MAKING!!!His Air-ness was about to hop ship to 3 stripe but Jordans Parents MADE him sit down and listen to what NOW legendary but then Rookie Architect turned shoe designer; and gay first namer “ Tinker Hatfield” had to say.

[Dream Team; His Airness pictured w/ Fame Sneaker Designer Tinker Hatfield]

Tinker is a straight “G”.. if you wanna present something… to someone.. you don’t just show it to them..You make them remeber what you talked about.

[the first time elephant print has been used on a sneaker]

“Hey Michael remember this idea?”“

[the first use of the now world famous " Jump Man logo]
Hey Jordan remember how we talked about that?”

The more Yes’s you get.. the More Excitement gets built up..Until finally BAM!! (what.. you get punched in the face?)

uh..

no...

The Air Jordan III. …The first time you’ve ever seen elephant skin. The first time you’ve seen the Air Jordan Logo; the first time you’ve seen a mid cut sneaker. Later that season in those very shoes you’d see His Airness win a Dunk Contest, and take his budding bullies to an Eastern Conference Championship. And go on to be the President of the WORLD!Okay maybe not.
*see more Reviews at Sazze.com

Dec 11th Wassup world..

Just got a FEW New Interesting Pics for yall.

Um.. (for those of you who care)..

anyways.. first up is the Air Jordan XX3.. Black and Red addition. 23 pairs in 23 stores in the UNITED states totallying 529 Pairs!!

I would have TOTALLY picked these up.. sadly my current funds will not allow:

but I can DROOOOL!!!

If the Air Jordan XX3 the OUTGOING model has got me drooling.. then its replacement the " Air Jordan 2009 aka the " Air Jordan XX4" makes me wanna puke!!

Whast up w/ that like.. WOMENS HiGH HEEL LOOK?!?!
It look OKAayyyyyyyyy.. at BEST from THIS angle..

Well.. One thing the Jordan Line never lacked was attention to Detail.. but is the Deatils enough to put out a strange looking product?
Will This be the End of the Air Jordan Line?
Just Bc the Jordan Line is crapping out on us doesn't mean LeBron has to follow suit..
check out these 20-5-5 Wheat/ Gum bottom Samples?.. thats the HEAT righ there!!!
____________________________________________________________________

Now... I don't know.. I maybe wayyyyyy to Into Jordans.. but.. I've seen some of these New J's?.. like Spy Shots?.. and they Look WAyyyyy to close to the Air Jordna 14s to be considered like a new shoe.

and PLUS.. man you guys are starting the line over.. this is like.. MONUMENTAL!!.. and the shoe you've put together is Mundane!!.. anyways.. hear are teh spy shots of the new Jodan 2009 along w/ the Air Jordan XIVs.. see an similarities?

Check the Backs!!!

see more sneaker reviews at Sazze.com

Daniel Craig vs Peirce Brosnan

2008-12-03T17:12:00.001-08:00

OHhhhhhhhh MY GOD ENOUGH BOND TALK ALREADY!!

NO!!!

I NEEEED... to talk about this...

soo...

I first started watching James Bond when Peirce Brosnan got into the role.. so NATURALLY to me thast the stero typical James Bond. Tall; Dark Hair; extremely good looking; clever; and a bit wreckless.

So now we've got this NEW bond.. Daniel Craig; Ugly, in excellent Shape, blond hair, slightly less clever, slightly MORE werckless.

I guess if you told me to close my eyes and PICTURE who James Bond would be based on the legend and LORE surround him ... Peirce Brosnan NO DOUBT.

HoweveR.. if you describe James Bond to me.. what he is capable of.. and all the AWSOME things he's done... putting movies aside and assumiing 007 is a REAL person! then I guess it would be Daniel Craig: he's in Crazy good shape; and his face looks well Worn.. like he's done a bunch of crazy stuff in his life.. he's more BELIEVABLE not in the "role" of James Bond.. but in a REAL LIFE James Bond...

and I guess thast what they're trying to do here.. no more secret layers, ridicioulous villains, and hilarious gadgets. this is REAL HardCORE get it Crackin Action.

and with that said; i'll alwyas have a special place in my heart for good 'ol Pierce..

but the future is Daniel.. but on another note.. why does he HAVE To HAVE BLONDE HAIR?

Umers Wedding Review

2008-12-03T15:19:00.000-08:00

For those of you who dont know.. Umer is one of my Best Friends... and I was forunate enough to be able to participate in his Wedding This Weekend.

Friday Night was Tight.

I got to Host.. make some wierd Jokes (soooo.. do you like stuff).... and host some Dance Offs...

Kudos to Ayub for rocking some Air Force 1s w/ his Kurta.. ( or middle eastern top that comes to about mid knee)

It was also HELLlA fun trying to stop some chicks from Pulling off Umers shoe.. although I may have dislocated one of my fingers in the process.. ( can I sue Umer for that errrr.)

Saturday night was tight also..

i tell you the food ALONE was worth the 2 hour Drive!!! a few surprise speeches and pieces of wedding cake later me and Asif was Soulja Boying it up while James went to go get make up outta the car and missed out (BOooo!!) definatley good times.. and one of the dopest weddings i've been to in my life

not just bc it was hella fun.. but it was cool to participate in something like this for someone that I'm Really down for

To Umer and Naz..

good luck in life you 2!!!

James Bond: Quantum Solace

2008-12-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

So the End of the First Movie ( Casino Royale) gets its Running start RIGHT into this one..

but I tell you.. i LOVE being a low brow average every day joe movie goer.. bc the directors, producers, stunt teams, writers all cater to my shallow needs!!!!

you want to do something high brow and classy?.. with James Bond?!!.. you better not!!.. you better f*ckin not!!!

So they scaled it back ALOT in this Sequel... Quantum is DOPE.. from opening Scene to Rolling Credits..

with cool @ss Action sequences, believable plot, a shirtless-self stunt doing -daniel craig, and some cool new Mi6 Technology upgrades...

( no upgrades on "Mum" or Judy Denches hair cut though)

eitherway... this Movie gives you the Punch in the face that you expected for the first one; but even Harder than you thought ( OUCH!!!.. James Bond! that REALLY hurt!.. I payed 10.00 for THIS!!)

The thing is Daniel Craig or .. "DC" for short looks like he can do all this ish... and if that fool punches you in the face... it looks like your going to feel it.. where as if Geoge Lazanbee took a swing at me he might break a nail..

but in retrospect im GLAD they made Casino Royale.. even though it was a commercial mistake. it really took the time out to get to KNOW who bond was as a person.. its like.. if ur going on a date w/ some chick.. u want to get to KNOW her before you do some seriously crazy stuff like pull out your machine gun and blow away secret enemy spies...

So i guess the 2 movies work REALLY well together..

the first one is the set up.

and Quantum is the PAY OFF!!!!

http://www.sazze.com/blogs

James Bond: Casino Royale

2008-12-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not the BIGGEST James Bond fan in the World.. but I have seen all of Pierce Brosnans Movies.. and to be honest with you?.. Thats when I started to get into the franchise.

(Daniel Craig from Laye Cake)

And Then I hear about this new guy.. " the guy from "Layer Cake" he's going to be the new bond. I remember renting Layer Cake with a couple of my buddies being like.. that UGGLY @SS dude is going to be BOND?!

eitherway.. so he comes out in Casino Royale... and he is in EXCELLENT SHAPE...

i have NEVER seen another Bond look THAT DOPE in a TUX before.. VERY cool...

THAT ALONE makes you look back at "Die another Day" or " Golden Eye" and be like.. ohh man.. Pierce Brosnan and eveyrone before him is in HORRIBLE SHAPE!!!

now.. i gotta tell you Daniel Craig does his thing WELL. but you know who didn't?

the DIRECTOR!!.. that movie was SOoooooooooo BORING.. it drew on and Oooooooon with NO Climax!!.. ( kind of like myself in the bedroom)...

but you know.. in retrospect is good.. when the story moves slowly it draws out the amount of time you've been feeling like your sitting there. So.. instead of it being about cars, guns, girls, and explosions, it becomes more about chracter development and an interesting semi independent style of film making.

I gotta tell you thouh... there is absoultye NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO REASSSSSSSSSSSSON TO PLAY CARDS FOR 45 minutes!!!

there is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO REASON to make the dialog so complex and convulted that you dont even REALIZE that James BOND is LITERALLY GOING TO QUIT HIS JOB for this chick...

there is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO REASON to make things so "slick and stylish" to the point where you're not even SURE WHY THIS is happening..

and most importantly there is NOOOOOOOOOOOO reason to drive a car that fast to see it flip over in less than 20 seconds.

OH.. and heres another piece of advice.. if you want to tell a story?... Tell it!!.. dont go out of your way to be the opposite of what the films predecessors were. Just bc Pierce Brosnans Bond was a little more comedic and Big Block Buster.. DOESNT mean you have to be overly " Brutally Violent"

I think Christopher "independent film director" Nolan can take a page out of that Book.. just bc the Old Batmans sucked doesn't mean your movies have to be overly dark and irritatingitngly dry...

Zia you rambling..

Fine.. you want the points?

here they are:

GREAT BOND (although ugly)

Crappy Movie ( although fun to watch)

3 Ugly Secret Agents out of 5

http://www.sazze.com/blogs

Wher've YOU been?

2008-12-03T14:14:00.000-08:00

Hey Zia.. where've you BEEN?!

AY!!!..

dont even COME at me like that man.. i've had the CRAZIEST Thanksgiving weekend EVER!!!

Wednesday: met up w/ Umer and some of his Cousins along with a couple of our other friends to take in an evening " Tour" of some of SFs high points.. (er low points).. depending on your defenition of fun..

I get home at like 4AM!

Thursday: (thanksgiving) was DOPE!!.. I had 'ol Pre-natal Pals Salah And Raza come through to the crib ( for the first time) for some Good a Good 'ol Fashion Indian Thanksgiving!!.. ( oh you mean you guys got your land stolen from you for 30 cents and were forced into slavery by the white man until you caught a Disease and died?)..

..................

sort of.

LOL nah!!

My mom cooked up some chicken and we had some Pumpkin Pie.. ( which I think im addicted to... i think i may have to see a pumpk-ologist).... * Great Stock Tip invet in Pumpkins towards the end of the year!*

but forreal... it was tight!... and we got to my favorite thing.. WATCH TV!!.. James Bond specifically... for some reasons James Bond Films are always released in November.. this prompts televisions stations to play older Bond movies to generate interest.

and it aaaaaaaaaaaal benefits ME!.. your low brow Movie Goer!

you seee.. the Lowest Common Denominator Movie Goer EXPECTS certain things from their movie going experience. Since the Average price of a Movie ticket is approx. $10.00 bucks I have listed out 10 points that need to be in a movie. each thing showin is worth a dollar:

1.) Guns
2.) Explosins
3.) Fast Cars; or Cars going fast; or Fast Cars going slow
4.) Girls
5.) Catchy Tag Lines or Catch Phrases ex: I'll be Back; THIS WHOLE COURT ROOM IS OUT OF ORDER!!!
6.) Girls
7.) Robots
8.) Girls
9.) Martial Arts
10.) CRAZY SPECIAL EFFECTS

*That is All*

anyways..

so We Watched Daniel Craigs James Bond intorduction in Casino Royale; and my buddy Raza is like a James Bond GENIUS!.. so i learned HELLLA new info about him!!

then we were fortunate enough to actually GO SEE the second Bond!!... in Theatres which was great bc the same plot literally continues through both Movies...

so anywyas... i get home from the movies at midnight..

BLACK FRIDAY: im UP at 3AM!!.. to be at my Buddy Leonels house to shoot our black Friday Video at 4am!!!.. btw?... this video is going to be DOPE!!!

then i catch a HOUR sleep before heading to Umers Mhendi!.. that I was fortunate enough to host!!.. it was a REALLY good time.. and i FINALLY got to do our coregraphed DANCE..t hat i've had to keep a secret form all yall ( as well as umer) for about a MONTH!

eitherway.. the evening was DOPE and went off w/o a hitch!!!

SATURDAY... barley woke my @ss up.. got a hair cut and roled down to Sac for Umers wedding part 2!!.. aww man.. some of the BEST food; and classiest decorations i've EVER SEEEEN!!!

GREAT TIME!!!

actually RODE back up w/ Umer and the new wife.. ( awkward?)... you might think so..

but nah..

it was awsome!!!

so to answer your questions.

THATS.. where i've been!

SO SHUT UR FACE!!!!

*more reviews comming soon*

Thanks Micheal

2008-11-25T16:44:00.001-08:00

Wassup Homies and Home-ettes..

Today is a Sad Day...

for my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.. i've loved air Jordans... since.. well I knew what LOVE is..

Air Jordan Vs; while i was in ELEMENTRAY school : ohhh man.. those are soo cool.. what is that wierrd mesh stuff on the side?!

Air Jordan VI; at my friend francis house in Orlando.. " oh.. what is that acrazy strap in the back?" *shut up Zia.. u can't play foot ball with us*

Air Jordan VIII: with the straps.. and i had my crappy air raids... chicks was lilke Brian I love your shoes.... and they said nothing as they walked by mines...

Air Jordan XI: In High schoool.. I used to get beat up by kids wearing those " what is that wierd shiny stuff"

my FIRST pair of Air Jordans... the Air Jordan XIII ( the only reason i could afford them is bc he had retired at that point) ; I was a Junior in High School a this point

and then Finally my job at foot locker.. where i purchased every show from 13 alll the way up to 23.....

i've had some CRAZY stories tryna get some of these... but I dont think i'll have many more stories: Today I have discovered: the Air Jordan Line will end at 23. and in its place the classic name plate will be replaced by "years"

the next sneaker will be the " Air Jordan 2009"..... *sigh... i guess.

I had to pick up shifts at another store (Sports Fever anyone?) to get my Air Jordan 1 patent leathers on discount

I had to wait in some crazy long lines at valley fair; be belittled by store owners and security alike to get my jordan Vs and IIIs

I had to skip school and ask a good friend to pick a number out of a lottery; allowing me the CHANCE to even SPEND $ 125.oo to get pair of air jordan XIs!

I had to stand outside the beverley Hills Nike Town for Hours to get my pair of red suede Air Jordan XXIs

and the last thing i ever did... was wait 2 days in line on market street in the blistering cold with homless bums fighting, and urine soaked streets for a chance to own my still un-worn pair of Air Jordan XX3 premiers in white and titanium.
$230.00; 23 stores; and 23 pairs.

Crazy?.. F*ck yeah.

But its not about the "status" or trying to be cool.. it started out that way yeah. but the more I learned about Air Jordan; the more i learned about design, concepts, visual cues; story telling, ideas, inpiration, performance, and LOVE OF STYLE.. the MORE i grew in love with the line......

but for something i've loved since i've known what love is. its a perfect ending.

Thanks Micheal. I can't wait to see what u come up with Next.