The Perfect Storm

Um... yeah.... so today if you want me to hook you up w/ some laughs etc..... I really dont think thats going to happen... well MABY.. i mean.. you may laugh at how Pathetic My life is...

.. i dont know.. its like... you ever feel like... its just " the perfect storm".. like... your on a boat w/ George Clooney with a beard; Marky Mark and like.... MC Hammer.. ( i dont think MC Hammer was in that Movie Zia.. )

uh............ YEAH HE WAS!..

anyways... I just feel like.... all the variables in my life are comming up Zeros you know?... like..

today?.... the HR guy at my job?.. err.. my jobs got like 6 ppl so we like to call him " the guy with the clip board"

told me I'm not going to make overtime; like 40 hours a week is the MAX i could get...

im goin to work at 7or 8 AM and comming home at 6PM.. and not even because I Have to.. but because i WANT TO.. i WANT THIS JOB TO KNOW THAT I LOVE IT!!.. and I want to do GOOD AT IT!!.. but i feel like it doesn't care.. ( like a women) lol jk....

.. I tell you.. I used to make a Descent income you know? ... like... Bay Area Standard!.. but I didn't LOVE what i was doing.... NOW?... im BARLEY making ends meet.. for a JOB I LOVE!!.. oh really? Zia, that sounds Very interesting.. may I ask what you do for a living? .. ehhh. search the internet for coupons? LOL!!

but its more than that.. its like a small close knit group of people where my ideas are HEARD.. im not just another nameless faceless worker drone.. i feel like I can really make a diffrence hear..

And I just feel like they're like.. " yeah..... who cares what you think"... I dont know... and im not an IDIOT!?.... I went to school for Business Marketing!!..... I dont know.. its like I dont fit in in a BIG company.. or a Small company... its like... what the fuck you know?!

where do you draw the line between what you LOVE to do ( small job in a fun enviornment) ... and what you HAVE to do? (comfortablly numb job in a drone enviornment)


and on TOP of that like... im at the gym and the CUTEST chick.. wont even make EYE contact w/ me...

and im just like man.. i REAAAAAAAAAaaaaaYYYyyyyy suck...
forunatley everythings calm on the home front.. i know i REALLY Pissed off my dad... im not really sure what I did?... but i know my dad was pissed... so he called me over the weekend?.. but I don't like to pick up his calls.. kuz they're always like... negative..

.... so I just deleted them...

and I came home Sunday and he's like..." Im really mad at you"..

why?

"you heard my voicemails?"

".................................... yes."

"then you know why"

"...............ohhhhhhhhh THATS why... yes.. NOW.. i... uh.. understand"

aaaaaaaaaanyways... in times like these you just gotta put away 60 or so grams of protein; do some pushups.... Read your Quran and put your head on that pillow.. and wake up tomorrow... and do the BEST you can and when your feeling crappy and depressed again..... think about how low you felt the day before.. ( are you talking to me..err.. what.. im confused kuz i had a GREAT DAY!!! )?.. uh.. no.. im talking to myself I think..

and.. my... 1/2 other readers...

you know they say..... that one of the most valuable things in this world to have is a softer heart... to have a soul that feels.. even if it feels pain.. it still feels... and.. yeah it hurts?.. but im GLAD it hurts.. it means i still have feelings.. I still have sole..

as gay as that sounds..

so even though it hurts?.. i have to be thankful that I still can hurt..

Anyways..... Tomorow is a big day!... im going to be filming our first episode of blackfriday.fm starrring ME!!... yup!.. imma be up in front of the camera doing my thing!.. so wish me luck!!

and holla @ me on the flip!!

PEACE!!!

ps.. sorry if like.. i put you in a bad mood...