Monsters Ball: The Review

How you gonna call this  movie Monsters Ball with no Monsters or sports references in it.  If space Jam was called Monsters Ball that'd be awesome!

This movie should have been called " Billy Bob Thorton does it Awkwardly with Halle Barey"  THAT is a more descriptive title for this film.

EITHERWAY.... even though it was slow; with sparce dialouge and not REALLLY too much going on.

It was an intersting story.  And sometimes with these independent artsy type stuff?.. its not what the story is about...

its HOW its told.

and this story is told Very well. Halley Barry is amazing ( and not just naked) she's a teriffic actress; who plays her character insanely well!

Billly Bob Thorton... meh... he's always like that.. so im not sure what i should be looking for.

It had some great framing and composition work; along with some mildly tense moments of people just doing regular things?  It was just a really interseting " Juxta position" \<--- augh i've wanted to use that word FOREVER!!!!

(typed in "Juxta Position" on google images and this is what came up... i coudln't RESIST!!!!)

Eitherway; really well written ( whatever writing there REALLY is) excellently directed; kudos to Ray Romanos Dad for taking on such a controversial role!  *ay Frank you talk shit about HB you gonna wind up in an old folks home!*

Also Kudos to Ray Romano for titling the show "everybody loves raymond" and calling his charcter in the show ray romano which i think is his real name?

0 Kudos to Bill Cosby whos name on the show is Cliff Huckstible.. im not really sure why it was called the Cosby show?

also 0 Kudos to  heath ledger for eerily for-shadowing his own fate. Err.. in Monsters Ball; not the Cosby Show.

all in all?  really good movie; a but slow with some awkward " love" scenes; more deep seated underlying guilt than waht you did last spring break and slightly less racial tension Than Mike Meyers and Kanye West

Also be ready to not be fully satisfied with the end as we all tend to know most " Oscar Winning" films are.  As long as you know that going in? and you're aware of the heavy tones of the sujbect matter you're going to have a GREAT TIME at the movies!!

or walk away crying your eyes out

(Jenny; you need to go to the other room to blow your nose; i can't enjoy Halle Barry Topless like this)

im not going to micro manage youre reactions...

Excellent Film.

5 Monster Balls outta 5

Brothers: The Review

You Know?  I saw the preview for this movie in theatres.  But after its release date?  I never heard about it again.  You know what that means?.. BOX OFFICE FLOP!!!  (PFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRR)))!!

what was that?

(THAT... is the sound of a fart)

really?

(yeah.. if you READ it.. that's what it would sound like)

... well you dont really read farts you hear and smell them so im not sure what you're doing

(you are TRULEY a rogue scholar my friend)

.... anyways.... So when you're presented with a situation regarding a flop movie;  you gotta aks yourself: what do i do? DO i go with my GUT that tells me this is a good movie and worth my hard earned dollar? (or net flix que) Or do i say; the marketing team determined this project to be a wash and so should I?

After consulting several self help books, truth about the "higher power" novels, and a Tony Robins Seminar I deided yes..... YES!!... yes....I will see this film!.

and you know what?!

.. I WAS RIGHT!!!! aughh I feel so self actuzlied!

(your'e Right Mr.Robbins; i WILLL see Alvin and the Chipmunks the Sqweekel)

This was a reallly good movie; There is alot of interesting drama and some crazy stuff that happens.  But its not WHAT happens but the WAY it happens.  It was very grounded in reality  along with the very organic dialogue.   You could have sworn this whole scenario played out at your next door neighbors house.

Jake Gylenhall ( must habe been beefin up for his Prince of Persia movie.... I dont see why he got the part!  I mean he's not even MIDDLE EASTERN!!!!... meanwhile  when I havn't even gotten my CALL BACK yet) but whatevers he was lookin REAL big and he was a really unique character: 40% drunk belligernt loser and 60% just really cool fun loving patricarchal substitute  (the PERFECT FATHER!).  the movie as a whole was well presented, and as creepy and twisted as it was; a JOY to watch. 

(keep going Jake; youre not quite Persian enough)

as for the little girl?! GOLD STARS!! ( thats that what they give out in kindergarden... right?) to the older little girl in the movie who coudln't have been more than 9 showing the vast emotional range of a 30-something women at the tender age of ... er...whatever ( single digits for sure)  I was like aughh man this lil girl is displaying this wide array of regular little girl antics and  conveying insane emotional tourment ; and playing it belivably; meanwhile mean while I have the emotional range of a Grape Fruit! (I am chalk full of Vitamin C though...)

(gross your emotional capacity has seeds)

as far is being a box office floP? I think i know why..... they leave the film mildly open ended.  But i think as long as you're  warned about that up front; you wont walk out of it all dissapointed.

but forreal a solid end would have given this film a perfect rating

4 brothaz  (another awesome movie; what up MARKY MARK!)  outta 5

(Okay Mark; for this shot we're going to need you to look 70% tough and 30% Constipated.... AAAAAAAAAAAND GO!.... okay you kinda flipped those precentages  around but the shot works!.. thats a WRAP PEOPLE!)

Couples Retreat: The Review

Wow....

Sorry PJ

THAT was a really bad movie. That Movie was so bad it made GILI look good!

I've never seen Gili but...  err.

... I dont know i just wanted to be mean....

was that too mean though?

aughh.. now i feel bad....

..

ANWAYS!!!...  you think John Faverou ( or however you spell it) and Vince Vaughn really know way around a comedy  RIGHT?

no.. if you thought that you would be a complete moron and have no friends. 

aughh why am i so mean?!

either way I dont  know maby they were trying to appeal to an older, broader, or stupider audience?

(yeah You!)

Well ;Mean Zia;  May i inquire as to how you arrived at this rather negative conclusion?

Yes you may respected reader.  and BTW you dont have to call me " Mean Zia"

"Regular or Handsome Zia will do just fine"

How about Asshole Zia?...

.....

lets just move on.

But yes; I arrived at this conclusion   quiet simply really.... just take a series of Overly unrealistic situations, the most BASIC of BASIC couples therapy jokes,  an unBELIEVABLY crapily  crafted plot, add a few insanely inaccurate depiction of urban culture, (c'moooon big DADDY im tryna up and get my PAAAAARTY ON.. yeah baby boo. its not 2003 anymore mmkay? thanks!!!)  OH!!!.. and dont forget the awkwardly placed  20 minute Guitar Hero commercial! Which is the Moron Cherry  top one of the most generically crafted  Sundaes  i've eatin in a LOONG time!

(Romantic Comedies: High in Calories; Low on Content)

But wait there was some Whip Cream on the Sundea too in: the fact that they're on this amazingly gorgeous island that shows up CRYSTAL CLEAR in Blu-Ray?

and delcious brownie chunks with the Sundae : all of the lead females in this role are gorgeous!  And deserve to be in their underwear and bikinis as they looked like they were involved in some type of contest to see who can be the hottest; and all of them had personal trainers and nutrionists or something!  Well i've got NEWS for you ladies your ALL winners

(Wow; these are some GREAT BEACHES; oh... and the sand and water are okay too... )

The Sundea Also has nuts when The  men in the movie... looked like they were ALSO in a competition; to see who had the WORST body possible.

Hey Vince two words: Diet Dr. Pepper...

err... thr-

(Vince Vaugn Seen Here preparing for his next role as Penguin in the up comming Batman Film)

Never MIND! 

The Sundea also has an extrea helping of carmel sauce when-

"Okay!!!.. your moron Sundae Movie Metaphor?!.. not working  okay so lets move on"

nah i've gotta really good transition here lemee just poor the

"MOOOOOOOOOOVE ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!"

..........

(Finally!....)

*snifff*..

...

are you cr?--

But yeah; other than a series of mild chuckles i can count on my left hand, this movie is nothing to write home about; and no reason to retreat to.

I honestly feel like the characters took on this role so they could vacation it up; and still get paid;

(ahhhh Jokes on you; you came to see our movie!.. THATS the worst $10 you EVER spent!)

Or perhaps have their Sundaes and eat it to?

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!!"

1 PJ appology outta 5

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: The Review

Im not gonna lie to you.

I just rented this bc i thought it would be an okay movie ( like How to Train your Dragon)....

they should rename that movie ( how to lose your dragon in 10 days; and get mathew Mchanaugay ( however you spell it) and Kate Hudson to be in it?...)

Anyways.... so i thought it was going to be something like that right? medium funny; cool graphics, and something you can go home and try out on your dragon.


but I Saw it?!... and it was a GREAT MOVIE!!! like Gone with the Wind GREAT! ( well i havn't really seen that) but its probably just as good... ( that movie is about food that gets blown around in the wind during the civil war right?)

Anyways..

the lead character that intenvtor guy? is absolutley hilarious!!...

its just a really fun smartly written; excellently delivered film. VERY cool special effects; and just an idea thats REALLY awesome! (food falling from the sky?! why hasn't this idea done BEFORE!).. It should be its own Genre!!!!.... Horror; Drama; Edible Perceptiation!

I dont know i mean part of the charm of this movie is that when I watched it?.. i expected nothing so it REALLY delivered

However, now that YOU know what I think... you maby expecting more?.. (if that is the case: I appologize in advance....... but you probably shoudln't be reading blogs at work anyways... so technically its your OWN FAULT);

The film definatley had the comedic flavor and timing of my favorite comedy of all time " Hot Rod" staring Andy Samberg?

Aughh what?!!.. you havn't seen Hot Rod?!.. are you playing with me?!

(Dont WORRY! Im gonna get you better Frank.. and after I do.. im going to bEAT YOU TO DEATH!!!!)

Listen.... you need to stop reading this RIGHT NOW!!!.... tell your Boss your Wife is having a Baby; if your Not married tell them someone ELSES wife is having your baby.

EItherway.. make your way outta the office get a big tub of Jelly Beans unplug your phone; jump in the hot tub; get those bath salts?.. not the ones from Bed Bath and Beyond; those generics are lame..


I KNOW 6 for a dollar is a GREAT price; but i can't be naked around non brand name products