Hulk Vs: The Review

Are you the type of person who gets bored of Hours of Super Hero inspired Cartoon Violence? Endless Smashing Through Walls; Laser Beam battles and poorly drawn explosions?.... Im Not!

this movie ROCKS!!!!...

actually it was broken down into 2 parts.

1.) Hulk vs. Wolverine ( meh)

2.) Hulk vs. Thor (yeh!)

I will start with the 1.) Title.

Hulk vs. Wolverine was alright.... buts its HULK DVD HULK STAR!!! NOT YOUUUU!!! and with THAT said i dont want all this stupid Wolverine Backstory about how this scientist injected adamantium into his skeleton blah blah blah

(Medical X-rays can make ANYTHING look boring)

I already KNOW alla that!!!! (Trust me I know more about the man than any self respecting hetero-sexual should know) I Just need to see the Hulk do some Oscar Caliber Smashing. Which he does but its dramatically cut short by the *sigh* Story?!

Side Note: How come there's not a best " smash sequnce" or "action sequence" category in the Oscars?   I mean haven't we evolved past the stages of giving a crap about " best sound board composition" or " best back stage key grip?"  I want the years best explosions and celeberations of violence be appreciated for what they are!!.. Also I want the phsical oscar for that particular category to be holding  a giant machine gun!!!

(and the Oscar for best demented clown performance in a super hero film goes to!!!! John Leguizamo in SPAWN!!??)

In that similar sense they should have a "love scene" oscar; in which the oscar should have a....

... nevermind.

What was i talking about again?..

AHHH YESSS!!

HULK; IMPATIENT WITH LONG WINDED OSCAR CONVERSATION!!!!!...
What i DID enjoy watching was Dead Pool.. I dont know if you know him but he had a couple of REALLY funny lines in the movie

HULKKKKKKKKKKKKK SMAAAAAAAAAASHHHh RED MAN!!!!

(This New Valet Parking guy is AWESOME!)

"............ does he mean me?!"

Other than that the drawings were great but the animation wasn't very smooth; (im tending to notice this in American animated films) the dialogue was kinda weak ; and you could just kinda tell they didn't get to do everything they wanted to.

but the DVD REALLY shines on " Hulk Vs. Thor"

aughh man that was some fun stuff; maby its because i didn't really know the History of what Thor was about?... but its basically some lame wanna be Lord of the Rings type stuff; with poorly drawn characters and crappy almost parody dialogue to the Tolkein Franchise (Which basically can be said for any Fantasy/ Legens and Lore entertainment at this point) . but what i DID Like about it was that the Hulk Beats everyones ass!!! for like 40 mintues!!

(This picture is BASICALLY 98% of the movie)

also not to be a TOTAL LOTR geek but they did do some other cool stuff with the characters; and the way they sort of used the Hulk in a Bruce Banner in a pretty Unique way.

Im not gonna lie i was not impressed by the Hulk vs. Wolverine but i REALLLY did enjoy Hulk vs. Thor.

BUT!!! im a complete Geek and i really like stuff like that... unlesss your a true Comic Book Loser ( and lets face if you're reading this blog you are) Then i'd check it out.

Otherwise this is an easy "main stream movie" pass.

3 Hulk Smashes outta 5!

(A Scene from the up comming " Hulk Vs Spiderman" The film is set to be 40 seconds long)

Fantastic Mr. Fox: The Review

YOu know how they say "You can tell alot about a person by the company they keep."

NO..

well THEY say that..

who says that?

dawg I dont know " THEY!!!!".. just listen to me!!!

For instance myself being a true hardcore gangsters: hang out with other such individuals that engage in gang related activities; succh as rapping; parking illegaly; and paying for 1 plate at the sizzler but actually sharing with the homies.  (Thats just how I role SON!)

Similarly you can tell alot about a movie by the previews that pre... err... view? the feature film?

So when you go and watch something like Fantastic Mr. Fox and you catch previews like "Marly and Me 2: the early years", " Chipmonks 2 (is that how you spell it?.. for some reason th at doenst look right?) the "squequel", Space Chimps 2, that stupid roller derby movie (drew barry-more?!... more like drew Barry LESS!!???.. am I right!?!.... nm),  and  "Gili 2: Pregnant and proud of it" or was it called Plan B?.. 

Jennifer Lopez Set to Play Free Willy in Disneys up Comming Film: Free Willy 6: Tale of the Latin Whale

Eitherway with Garbage previews like the above mentioned... you start to wonder if you've made a good choice putting this movie on your netflix que.

I KNOW You're not supposed to SAY this but you can also tell alot about a person by their apperanace,

for instnace im an UN-REALISTICALLY attractive man!....

what....

what are you laughing at?!!

.... the same can be said about films: FOr instnace Transformers is a huge block buster as noted by the insane special effects overly hot women, and un necessary explosisons.  28 days later is an adrenaline induced zombie experience as denoted by the shaky camera work and lack of musical score.

The fantastic mr. Fox on the other hand is unusually odd; mainly due to the wierd stop motion animation, bad  character dersign , and hard-to-get-into back drops.  Which in the end is going to result in.. well a kinda crappy movie.

Okay; Porki-Pine; this is your love scene.... Pants off.... ( but theres no film in the camrea) JUST DO IT!!!!

Overall the movie was very sharp, a GREAT starkly sober humor which juxta-positioned( aughh I can never get enough of that word!) against these sort of odd \cartoon like imagery.  Excellent Writing :

" You cussin with me?.. you BETTER not be CUSSING WITH ME!!!"


"put this bandit mask on"

and:


"im going to lose me temper....

when?

now

right now?

... yes right now"...

**" i dont know zia... I sense  a bit But comming on"**

well Sir Mix-a-Lot you would be correct!!!

I think one of the challenges any animated film faces is to design characters that are unique and interesting, but at the same time to  have those same not SOOOO different that they can't  express really strong human like emotions.  Thats one reason  movies like Finding Nemo, and Wall-E were so sucessful! the ability to take seemingly in-animate or mundane creatures (like fish, or Keanu Reeves) and inject them with this sense of life, emotion, and charasma,which mirrors our own! (okay cartoon Dr. Phil.. get to the POINT!)

Keanu Reeves on th e Set of Point Break

Unforunatley the character design from  Fantastic Mr. Fox had VERY little emotional charge, Iwas VERY aware i was watching something with stop motion animation, and just...... wierd. (when you watch  movies like Shrek or Monsters Inc; you kinda forget your'e watching monsters goof around or a talkin black donkeys who make wise cracks, you sort of just enjoy the movie for the story and dialogue; and visuals take a bacak seat)

You Can Take the GHetto Out - the Donkey but Not outta Eddie!

This movie also  didn't help that its case with that  wierd 70s era look; and just some really wierd story.
Overallly mildly entertaining, but you've gotta wonder who this was targeted to?

a bit to violent at times for children, while at other times  a bit to dull for them. 

and as for adults: it lacks a sense of logic; or legitimate interest.

OH!!!! side note: Kudos to George Clooney who does an EXCELLNT job playing the sophisticated and dashing mr. Fox.

Is it Wierd that im Equally turned on by both of these pictures?

SOOoooo in convlusion:  If you wanna see a bunch of poorly rendered 70s animals  engage in a bunch of random mischief! (no thanks i've already seen sex in the city ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!) than this movie is right up your ally.

OH MY GOD! I think she heard me!

but for you non -independent movie hipsters I would NOT necessarily recomend the "fantastic Mr. Fox" to anyone.  However, I would recomend the films name be changed to " the okay at best mr fox" you know; to avoid confusion.
2 stolen chickens outta 5