Watchmen the Review

Watchmen: The Review

Hmm…. Let me just start of with an Italian Maxim Proverb that roughly translates to English as: WHOLLLY F*CKING SH*G That f*cking Sh*t was mother f*ck%ing SIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

Now, before we get into the actual film, let’s do a bit of “reverse engineering” shall we?

What makes a movie a “good movie”

HMMMMmmm….

Well, we’ve got

1.) A story line
2.) Interesting Chracters
3.) Connection with the audience
4.) Special Effects
5.) Action Sequences
6.) Comedic Value
7.) Intelligent Script
8.) Violence
9.) Suspense?
10.) Sex!
11.) Editing
12.) Lithginting/ shots
13.) Acting

Wll what if I told you, this move has an incredibly complex and involing story line, well written and “j-lo booty like well rounded” characters, great audience appeal, special effects to rival “The Matrix” Action sequences to Rival Jackie Chans early work, Comedic content that.. was…. Ehh… kinda funny, a Script so relevant and poinent you think through its meaning on different levels for days to come (errr at least I did), Violence so disgusting and despicable your gotta turn away from the screen, sex so hot, and creative you can’t keep your eyes OFF the screen (or your hands outta your’re pants)… ehhh Zia this is still the violent scene ( DON’T TALK TO ME I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!!!)…., edited so well with so many flash backs flashwards and parallel time lines you gotta explain it all to your chick afterwards, Lighting and shooting to make you think your watching an “ interactive theatre art piece”… - okay I don’t know what that is either, and most importantly…. The acting to make you belive it all!!!

Now…. Do you think were still talking about a “ good movie?”

Like.. what I really appreciated from this film, as that It “ wasn’t afraid”.. it wasn’t afraid to ADMIT that this is a movie about Super Heros, and take away all the cool moody lighting, all the suer powers, all the special effects and you wind up with the obvious: SUPERH HEROS are DORKY!!!!.... this movie was almost a paradoy… of ISTELF?

And this movie didn’t shy away from admitting it. Instead it re wrote a “ parallel” history to re-“shape” the fabric of American past with “super hero history woven in” which REALLLY allowed the viewer to say “ okay….I belive super heroes exist, in a plausible realistic sense”.

Another thing this movie didn’t shy away from was well, ANYTHING really, graphic sex, graphic violence, politcal values, social morality, war, death, famine, disease, super heroes, rape, OUTER SPACE!!.. how can you tackle all of these MOUNUMENTAL subjects in a 2.5 hour segment. Pshhhh.. I don’t know either, but it all came to seamlessly with like 6 parallel story lines all simultaneously coming to a climax in an insanely diabaolical conclusion, ending in the conclusion that life… life is just one big PRACTICAL JOKE.

Conclusion, this is not a GOOD movie, this a GREAT movie, from start to finsh, from history to logic, from violence to love, from action to special effect. A solid and well rounded VISUALLY STUNNING MASTERPIECE!

SEE THISS MOVIEEE!!

Warning: this movie has more penis then a shots then an australlian 80s porno. Why Austriallian? Bc that little piece right there would be an alliteration that’s why… (err however you spell it)

Oh okay Zia…., stop tryna be funny….is. this movie FOREAL that good?

I SAID GREATTTT!

Alright… but… forreal zia. Is this movie REALLLY that great?

Well.

Lemee give you ANOTHER warning.

If you’re thinking this is like.. a regular super hero movie with a bad guy that the good guy “accidentally created” in a “ webbed past” with the climax where they both have a bloody fight to the death and the bad guy goes….” You’re a god… but humans don’t respect you”

And the good guy goes… “ no…. YOU don’t respect you” and steps on his foot and the bad guy falls hella stories to his death..

Then you are sadly mistaken.

This movie almost parodies the ridculousness of super heroes, it DOES have a few action sequences that cater to your 1 dimensional action junkie fan base (RIGHT HERE!) . But for the MOST part? This movie is all Brains (granted mentally disturbed brains), with a heavy helping of heart.

See this if you want something to challenge you’re intellect, stimulate you visually, turn you on a little, and gross you out a lot.

If not go rent Ghost Rider.

5 stars, and no doubts.