Alice in Wonderland: The Review

WeLcOme!!!

To tHe MaGiCaL FaNtAsY FiLled FaNtAstICAl WoRlD oF wOnDerLand!!!

-yeeeeah thanks what do yall got goin on here?

WeLl!! Im GlAd you AsKed 'Ol Chap!!!.... wE eAt CaKeS t0 gEt big and PoTioNs to get SMALL!

- uh huh.... i already knew that... what else?

HmMmmm.. We hAve tWeEdle DuM; TwEeDlE DeE; a WeLl DrEsSeD RaBbIt wHoSe LaTe to EvEryThinG; aNd a CaTerPillaR wHo Sm0KeS Ho0Kah!

- oh yeah? that sound kinda cool; do yall get into anything crazy?

WhY YEsSs!!

-Besides acting silly at your tea party?

AhHhHhhhHH... WelL ThEn No......

BuT!... ThEreS Mo0ORe!! HaNdEsOme SiR!!

- Pls dont touch me.

My ApPppo0OLoGizE!! HoWeVeR.. we HaVe a GhaStly DrAGons!, AnImAls ThAt SPeak EnGlIsH; HuGe BatTLe ScEnes aAnd JohNNY DepP?!

-Yeah i've seen Lord of the Rings; Narnia; and Pirates of the Caribean soo...

AhhH! But the DrAgOn AlsO SpEaKs EnGlIsH?! iN a RaThEr DiStInGuiShed BrItIsh AcCent MiGht I AdD At tTHat?!

- That actually makes it gayer.

I tell you what else "wonderland" has.. a convuluted plot that draws from the first and second books but is as good as neither, over whelming and over produced special effects that leaves the viewer jaded, so many silly over the top characters its hard to really develop any interest in any of them and thus the movie as a whole, and writing that COULD have saved the movie; but actually just serves to make it wierder

Sure there ar ea couple clever moments; and some funny ideas " ahh that frog look like George Washington"

But with no solid story, re-occuring theme, focus to get your footing, or attention to detail like lord of the rings or the Harry Potter Franchise; its REALLY hard to have any sense of connection to any of it. Its like an 11 year old girl caught a 40 million dollar budget to put this together. "so what zia; its just a fun visually entertaining movie"

Naw; F - alla that. I know Tim Burton aka Timmy-goof ball burton. He always comes correct! Sure sometimes his ish is a little wird or off the wall but he's an excellent director with a signature style and GREAT off color story telling ability. This flick had NONE of that!

Im not a movie doctor but this movie has what I call " avatar-itis" meaning little story and Big 3D iMax Effects( PS dont call it IMAX if your screen is like 2 feet bigger than a regular screen with 40 more speakers; if you wanna call it something call it "ear max" but stop tryna play me and give me my $4 dollars outta $14 back!)

Eitherway; I mean it started out great; you know this chick whos always had wierd dreams about stuff etc etc... marrying some wealthy lord in 18th Century England.. it showed REAL promise!

and then when she goes down th e Rabbit Hole.. the movie went down to toilet bowl (that rhymed un-intentionally)

oh! also? Dont come at me with " OH Zia.. it just follows the book its supposed to be like that"

OH forreal? so the book is supposed to suck too?!

In Conclusion: this movie doesn't have anything you havn't already seen a dozen times before; severel elements of great movies told very poorly at an annoyingly un-interesting pace.

But im not a total " red queen" Kudos to some of the special effects and final fight scene. Anne Hathaway is lookin real interesting but STILL acts overly wierd and comedic and kinda hard to get into ( thats what she said)... wait.... nm.

If your a 3rd Dimention Junky put your gogles on and catch this in theatres

If your just wanna see some " pretty colors" and watch people play golf with a flamingo instead

of a golf club; and porcupine instead of a golf ball; you may want to download

and if you want a solid sense of story telling, and a well detailed fantasy land with heart and symbolism mirroing your own reality.....

I think LOTR is out on Blu Ray.

2 Creepy SMiling Kittens outta 5