How to Survive a Hulk Attack

If you ever find yourself in the presence of Bruce Banners bad side. Do your best to remain calm and excericise the below advices to minimize injury or death yourself or those in your immediate surroundings.

1.) If you find yourself blessed with some type of super power be it the ability to fly, an adamantium skeleton; laser visision; or an un-imaginable fortune that has bought you a super suit an an entitled sense of duty to fight crime: scream and run away like the rest of us. The Hulk is the great equalizer; that  is YOU will have no more effect on the monster than my 8 month old cousin.

(aughh who's gonna clean THAT up?)

2.) If you have a modern army; equipped with the latest in tanks, guns, and personel: use them to distract the hulk; along with peices of string and other shiny objects. Use this  precious time wisely:  to evacuate the area

(for future refrence we should probably at a "reverse gear" to tanks)

3.) When Hulk say something like " Hulk Smash You" or " Hulk rip off your arms and legs".. He doesn't mean it as a metaphor; its going to happen. You may as well accept your fate and hope your parents can find your remains.

(I hope I can get Buried in Smallville)

4.) Ladies: Dont be a "Betty Ross".. a females delicate sensibility and kind understanding touch only further angers the mighty beast as he feels like his masculinity is being compromised. Do not approach.

(Jennifer Connley was never scene again)

5.) Bruce Banner is a hilarious dork that we all enjoy pushing around. The hulk is not.

(coindientally Edward Norton is also nothing to mess with: see" "American History X" and "Primal Fear" for more deatail

6.) If you're friend is getting his ass beat by the Hulk. dont be all " hey ya big Lug OVER HERE im the one you REALLLLY want". in an attempt to re focus his anger. Your friend is most likely already dead. There is no need to sign your own death warrant.

(Screw them they're GONE.. lest get outta here Professor X!!!... waaaaait a minute where's you're Wheel Chair?!)

7.) If you live in a Lord of the Rings type universe; and have an army of excellent swordsman; sourcerers; elves and Dwarves ready to defend your Kingdom. Feel free to make a long winded "Gladiator" or " Brave Heart" type speech about the solidarity of the solider and the glory of war". However after your heart felt speech is over you will likely be the one punched in the face the hardrest.

(this is the time when Bravey, Honor, Dignity, Fortit-GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!)

8.) If the Hulk is destroying a bulidng or some peice of architecture that you dont like ex: the IRS building or a statue of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Dont be all like " yeah good work hulk!!!!" If this is done you will have broken his concentration; and his new target will be your face.

(aughh you idiot!.. why'd you SAY that now he's comming OVER here!!!!)

9.) Adamantium Claws are Great; as is laser Vision and the ability to Teleport. But nothing hursts worse than a PUnch to the face from the Hulk.

(yup; this hurt as much as i thought it would)

10.) The Hulks only weakness is his sub-par Cardio Vascular system. If you find yourself in the unforunate situation of being pumeled your best bet is to shield your face and groin area and hope that he tires himself out.