Watchmen the Review

Watchmen: The Review

Hmm…. Let me just start of with an Italian Maxim Proverb that roughly translates to English as: WHOLLLY F*CKING SH*G That f*cking Sh*t was mother f*ck%ing SIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

Now, before we get into the actual film, let’s do a bit of “reverse engineering” shall we?

What makes a movie a “good movie”

HMMMMmmm….

Well, we’ve got

1.) A story line
2.) Interesting Chracters
3.) Connection with the audience
4.) Special Effects
5.) Action Sequences
6.) Comedic Value
7.) Intelligent Script
8.) Violence
9.) Suspense?
10.) Sex!
11.) Editing
12.) Lithginting/ shots
13.) Acting

Wll what if I told you, this move has an incredibly complex and involing story line, well written and “j-lo booty like well rounded” characters, great audience appeal, special effects to rival “The Matrix” Action sequences to Rival Jackie Chans early work, Comedic content that.. was…. Ehh… kinda funny, a Script so relevant and poinent you think through its meaning on different levels for days to come (errr at least I did), Violence so disgusting and despicable your gotta turn away from the screen, sex so hot, and creative you can’t keep your eyes OFF the screen (or your hands outta your’re pants)… ehhh Zia this is still the violent scene ( DON’T TALK TO ME I NEED TO CONCENTRATE!!!)…., edited so well with so many flash backs flashwards and parallel time lines you gotta explain it all to your chick afterwards, Lighting and shooting to make you think your watching an “ interactive theatre art piece”… - okay I don’t know what that is either, and most importantly…. The acting to make you belive it all!!!

Now…. Do you think were still talking about a “ good movie?”

Like.. what I really appreciated from this film, as that It “ wasn’t afraid”.. it wasn’t afraid to ADMIT that this is a movie about Super Heros, and take away all the cool moody lighting, all the suer powers, all the special effects and you wind up with the obvious: SUPERH HEROS are DORKY!!!!.... this movie was almost a paradoy… of ISTELF?

And this movie didn’t shy away from admitting it. Instead it re wrote a “ parallel” history to re-“shape” the fabric of American past with “super hero history woven in” which REALLLY allowed the viewer to say “ okay….I belive super heroes exist, in a plausible realistic sense”.

Another thing this movie didn’t shy away from was well, ANYTHING really, graphic sex, graphic violence, politcal values, social morality, war, death, famine, disease, super heroes, rape, OUTER SPACE!!.. how can you tackle all of these MOUNUMENTAL subjects in a 2.5 hour segment. Pshhhh.. I don’t know either, but it all came to seamlessly with like 6 parallel story lines all simultaneously coming to a climax in an insanely diabaolical conclusion, ending in the conclusion that life… life is just one big PRACTICAL JOKE.

Conclusion, this is not a GOOD movie, this a GREAT movie, from start to finsh, from history to logic, from violence to love, from action to special effect. A solid and well rounded VISUALLY STUNNING MASTERPIECE!

SEE THISS MOVIEEE!!

Warning: this movie has more penis then a shots then an australlian 80s porno. Why Austriallian? Bc that little piece right there would be an alliteration that’s why… (err however you spell it)

Oh okay Zia…., stop tryna be funny….is. this movie FOREAL that good?

I SAID GREATTTT!

Alright… but… forreal zia. Is this movie REALLLY that great?

Well.

Lemee give you ANOTHER warning.

If you’re thinking this is like.. a regular super hero movie with a bad guy that the good guy “accidentally created” in a “ webbed past” with the climax where they both have a bloody fight to the death and the bad guy goes….” You’re a god… but humans don’t respect you”

And the good guy goes… “ no…. YOU don’t respect you” and steps on his foot and the bad guy falls hella stories to his death..

Then you are sadly mistaken.

This movie almost parodies the ridculousness of super heroes, it DOES have a few action sequences that cater to your 1 dimensional action junkie fan base (RIGHT HERE!) . But for the MOST part? This movie is all Brains (granted mentally disturbed brains), with a heavy helping of heart.

See this if you want something to challenge you’re intellect, stimulate you visually, turn you on a little, and gross you out a lot.

If not go rent Ghost Rider.

5 stars, and no doubts.

The Return of Nothing Special

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SNAaaaaap!!!

guess whos back on the grind!!

guess whos boss gave who a free laptop...

and guess whos hittin his blog back up!!

give up?!??

the answer to all 3 is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee!!!!

yup... man.. i just noticed my LAST POST?!

was back on Dec 28th.

so let me fill u in on the RECENTS shall i?

1.) i got a full time job at Sazze! that means full health benefits, and like 98% control over the community developtment!! (can't hate on that)

2.) OH.. i've got 2 new followers on the blog.. mad shout outs to titi and nikki!!

3.)uhhhhh....... um.. ive got a play station 3?.. ehh.. thats fun!!

4.).................................. i got a hair cut a week ago?

.....

hm...

aight.. so the ONLY really interesting thing is the fact that i've got a JOB and an laptop..

so im back in the mix like a weekday morning DJ!!! again!!..

so hopefully al 5 of my reader can forgive me for my obviosu absence.. and we could all get back ON IT TOGETHER!!

(who is this guy again)

yay!!!

now wheres my parade?


ehhh...Never mind...

The Six Movies of Xmas!

wasssssssssssup world?!..and a belated merry X mas!!!..... Isn't it wierd that they changed they replaced the " Christ" in Christmas with "X'mas?" Do you think this was a commercial Ploy to remove the Religious undertones of the holiday allowing more people of different ethnicities to to celeberate? Or do you think Jesus was the original X man and everyone just new " x' was synonmous with Jesus?

I mean turning water into wine is a pretty awsome super hero power?

HMMMM..... interesting.. i mean its not like Christmas is such a LONG word to spell you know?.. i mean what about "Thanksgiving"?.. they dont call that like.... Thnxgiving.. errr... do they? Hmm. im not sure... .. or V-day.. instead of valentines day?.... oh I think they do that too..also...

(INALLLY.. someone has the Courage to STAND up AGAINST Valeintines DAY!!! )

alright.. well.. MABY I dont have a point..

but i DO have some REVIEWWWSSSSS!!!!

while you LOSERS were stuffing your Xmas Goose and spending time with your " families".. i was engaging in the TRUE meaning of Xmas!!.. to watch HELLA movies for the price of one ticket... and boy did I come away BIG!!!!...Ay Teeko?


"merry Xmas everyone!!!"

okay Teeko its spelled " xmas" just kuz im being lazy.. but its not pronounced " ex-mas"
....

" and where are your pants?"

anyways.. Santa blessed me with seeing the BELOW movies for the price of 1 ticket...

1.) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ( Awsome)
2.) Spirit ( WTF?)
3.) Valkerie ( Snoooooze)
4.) 7 Pounds ( VERY cool)
5.) Bed Time Stories (mehh....)
6.) The Day the Earth Stood Still ( I've already scene independence day)

im not the review in 3 words in paranthesis type... soo... LETS DOOOOOOO THISSSSS!!!!!

... uh.. why are you taking off you're pants?.. im... uh.. talking about reviewing these movies..

(ahh!.. i KNEW this picture would come in handy again!)

\hy!.. dont be embaressed.... YOUR just not my type?
uh?.. what?.. OH!.. no.. i dont mean to offend you?

.... whats wrong with you?... hm.. .. well your a man for starters.


thats one "branch" i dont think i could swing around"

ZIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!!

.. alright im an idiot...

lets REVIEW IT UP!!!

The First Film of Christmas: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

This movie is FREAKING DOPE!!... I couldn't enjoy it FULLY... bc I KEPT thinking to myself.. " how is all this going to end.. " how AWSOME.. is this movie REALLY going to be!?...."


but in the end it DEFAINTLEY is awsome.. im not saying.. you know like.... I cried.. a bunch of times....or.. u know...anything like that.... but..


fellaz.. if your takin your chicks to see this. you may want to like.. see it B4?!.. hand.. so that you know.. like.. when the sad scenes come up or what not?.. like.. YOU wont be all like..


" nah.. girl..... Its the onions.. in my popcorn.. thats all"..


Anyways.... Brad Pitt.. did a FANTASTIC JOB!... how do you act like a 95 year old man with the intellect of a 5 year old?....


ME NIETHER!!??... but apparently Brad Pitt knows!!..


also that chick um... Kate Blanchet.. was looking REALLLY good... when she was suposed to... great on screen chemistry..
this is going to be like... Brad Pitts " Forest Gump" or.... whatever " Big Fish" was to " Tim Burton"..

Granted I dont have a billion dollar Button Factory.. but this movie REALLY makes me want to like.. live life to its Fullest and dump Jennifer Anniston and get with Angelina Jolie!!!

.. oh wait..


thats the curious case of "Brad Button"

anyways...

this is just a beautifully written, wonderfully told.. slightly crazy.. but excellently presented story.

Watch


This


Movie.

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-curious-case-of-benjamin-button/19932

The Second Film of Christmas: The Spirit

You ever dated... like a SUPER attractive chick?(no)..

LET ME FINISH!!

You ever dated... like a SUPER attractive chick?.... but like.. she's dumb like a box of grade C Winchester Wyoming Oranges?....

ehhh........no?

....

well me NEITHER>.. but THATS what this Movie was like..

The film.. was visually breathe taking.. I mean i could NOT take my EYES off it.. the EXCELLENT play of harsh black white contrasts with touches of sharp red, and shadow?.... its like Director Frank Miller.. thought about EVERY Scene in his head OVER AND OVER AND OVER again before even STARTING this movie. To get THE most AMAZINGly well composed shots POSSIBLE!


but you know what he didn't think twice about?.. the Dialog?. and what else?.. who the F*ck would WATCH this movie!!.. if you've got a guy named " Octopus"? no one is going to take your film seriously..

"oh its a comedy is it?".. oh okay. fine.. let me ask you this.. who are you marketing this too.... bc... the subject matter isn't geared to children... and its not funny to adults... so basically what you've got is a beautiful film that no body wants to date.... -i mean-.. watch!
Its not all bad though.. the movie had some interesting concepts and themes.. but hey man..when your having Samuel L Jackson dress up like a Nazi, a Samuri and a Cowboy....

it doesn't matter how strong your ideas are..

YOUR MOVIE SUCKS!!

if your a huge art fan check it out... but dont expect a well told or even REMOTELY intresting story..


double thumbs down for whoever played spirit.. the person who was supposed to CARRY this peice of JUNK really sucked any POSSBILITY of believability right out..

I Pronounce this Movie DOA.

stick do what you do "FM" and stop trying to be funny..

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-spirit-2008-theatrical-release/19933

The Thrid Film of Christmas: Valkyrie

err.. however you spell it... alot of people feel Tom Cruise is hard to like.. " get over" bc he's so regonizable in this film, and so wierd these days in real life...
well.. i didn't really have a problem with that.. what i DID have a problem. is watching like 2 hours of tom and company trying to stage a " coo" (LOL...thats a hilarious word.. i dont thinkhats how you spell it though..)

but the THING is.. I dont wanna watch Tom as Colnel Von Furstinburg trying to get Hitler to sign papers for 45 minutes....

Hello Colnel FurstenBurg... you didn't remember to put a cover sheet oonce von TPS reports..

sorry Hitler.. it wont happen again!

eitherway.. the point is.... We KNOW from History that Hitler killed himself; and that he had a SMALL mustache.. THUS; we KNOW the protaginist plot in this film will fail.


-Thats Stike 1


now you couple a obviously failed "coo" (heh heh) with an abundance of confusing paper work and muddled administrative tasks and you've got strike 2


Now you mix THAT in with slow story teller / director Bring Singer and you've got a slow, paper work filled, history inspired FAILURE ( hmm.. sounds kind of like my life) - STRIKE 3!


I think this film did the BEST it could given the story chosen.. and its VERY interesting to see the inner workings of trying to see how someone would go about over throwing a government.
But with SOO much working against it.. and the OBLIGATION of having to tell a story historically accuratley.. you've gotta ask yourself "Why did this movie get made"

check it out of your a history Buff, or just another Hitler fan!

but me?.. i'd hit the button on the alarm clock..

this this flick is a "SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZER"


-good one Zia!

http://www.sazze.com/products/valkyrie/19934

The Fourth Film of Christmas: 7 Pounds

Absolutley fantastic!

NOBODY plays nice guy like Will Smith.. he's not that good at playing a hard role in the sense that his character is emotionally closed off in some instances..

but as a whole.. this movie is unique, interesting, emotionally charged, and just a BEAUTIFUL story..

(ahhh you said beautiful you'r gay)


damnit!!!.. my articulation has broughten my hetero-street credibility into play once again

augh!!

I know how to redeem myself!!: im SO crushing on Rosario Dawsome.... she is Such a little on screen Gem..
"little on screen GEM?!!.. you are such a dork".

.... damnit!!

You know..... I dont think the draw of this movie is like... the " movie stars".. is that you always like to see "good" in television or movies..

I mean Will Smith, Woody Harilson, Rosario, and whom ever else is in it... like.. they all are just GOOD people.. and they do GOOD deeeds.. and its i dont know.. just fun , and heart warming to watch..people to be GOOD to each other in desperate or trying times.


The movie doesn't TOTALLY reveal itself until the last frame of the last Scene..

beatufiuly put together, excellent non linear story telling, and well written, but with a touch of CLASSIC Will Smith humor. Although i was NOT really happy with his hair cut.. but i'll make peace with that....

I think Will Smith Deserves an Oscar nod for this one!

Oh.. for 7lbs?

uhh.... no... for The Fresh Prince of Bel Air....

definatley check it out w/ your girl..or your whole family.. for a good 'ol cinematic emotional Charge!
you know.. i NEVER did find out WHY it was called 7 pounds though.. HMMMMmm!!!

(Bonus Shot)

holler at me if you know?!

http://www.sazze.com/products/7-pounds/19935

The Fifth Film of Christmas: Bed Time Stories

BED TIME STORRRRRRRIEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeezZZZ!!

......................... I dont know why i just did that..

I just think it would be funny of some efeminate gay dude said that ( err however you spell efiminate)

look at..

this movie is SUPER SIMPLE..


this guy (Adam Sandler) tell his kids bed time stories,

and the stories come true in real life..

if that doesn't make sense to you?..

your over thinking it.

if you like Adam Sandler; you'll like this.. although its a bit watered down since Disney sort of had its hand in it.. ( and they could also make a CRAZY amusement park ride based on its plot).
It was still good.. a couple of fart jokes, some silly voices, a little Corny side kick goofin around courtesy of Elton Brand? Its no where neither captures the surprising emotional charge of "click" (which is what I think Landed Adam this job) - I want a remote that 'll eventually give me a heart attack on the hospital floor..... sounds USEFUL) and the movie obviously doesn't come close the the classicly crude comedic stylings of Happy Gilmore or top 10 quotable Billy Madison


"Shampoo is Betta..... I clean the hayea.."

" no Conditioner is betta!.. i make hte hayer Sillky and SMOOooooth"

"OH REALLY FOOOL?!"

....

what was i talking about again?

oh yeah!!!

Bed Time Stories is definatley a fun movie, with some good laughs.. but very watered down main stream.. but if you KNOW 'ol Addy... you can catch a SLIGHT hint of some old school Bill Madison inspired humor see it w/ your kids, or w/ your buddies..

nothing TOOo great hear.. definatley can wait for DVD..

http://www.sazze.com/products/bed-time-stories

The Sixth Film of Christmas: The Day the Earth Stood Still

"hmm.... are aliens TRULEY the evil ones?"

or are we as humans so fearful of what we DO not know.. that we are SELVES are the TUREEEEE aliens HMMMMMmmmmm?????

MMMMMM??!!

ehhhhhh!!!

AHHHHHHHHHhhh!!!!


LOL... thats kinda how the plot goes.. i mean.. it was a cool idea.. but its super layered under hella special effects dramatic army confrontations, and some guy who's like

" DEAR GOD mr. PRESIDENT!!!.. if my calculations are correct.. - and I wear glasses so they always are- We have.... 24. 97 seconds to LIVE!!!!"

LOL.. it was also funny bc they didn't actually SHOW the president?.. instead they only have secretary of defense played by " cathy bates"

.. you know.. in retro-spect in cases of pending alien invasions? I hope Obama doesn't leave all decision making to Hilary Clinton...


Bc Cathy Bates is a real BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WORD!!.. and I dont mean Bitch..if you know what im saying?

... uh.. if you dont mean bitch? .. then i DONT Know what your saying..

oh no.. wait... i DOOOO mean bitch then....

or as the kids say theese days.. " BEEEE-OOOOOTCH"

nah.. but forreal it was actually remotley interesting.. Jennifer Connley is Beautiful, Keanu Reeves is excellent at playing an emotion-less Drone, and Will Smiths son learns the true spirit of christmas.



This was basically Independence day w/ a little less special effects, a 40 foot robot, and alot more heart. OH!!..and like.. robot Killer bees.. that was kinda cool...

Even though this is BIG budget Hollywood.. i really enjoyed the underlying themes of the movie.. i thought they were pretty interesting. Speacial Effects wise?.. i didn't think it was TOOOO awsome..

so if you read the book and your a huge fan of the original.. OR you just like the name "GORT". and you want to hear people say it..

check it out in theatres..

but if you can wait?

.... rental..

http://www.sazze.com/products/the-day-the-earth-stood-still-2008

Dark Knight or Dark Hype?

So im big into movies right?

(oh really?.. i hadn't noticed)

QUITE YOU!!.... so im big into movies right?... and for some reason.. i guess a scheduling fluke, a over booked weekend what have you.. i was the LAST person to seee Dark Knight when it came out in theatres.. i ended up waiting like 4 weeks to see it.

and when YOU blog about Movies All Day?... the LASSSST thing YOU wana do is be the LAST person to see a movie this big!!

kuz ppl come up to you like.. " Zia.. you've got to see that yet you've gotta review it?"

really?

"yes.. its the best movie of the summer"

really!?

"no no.. its the bets movie of the year!"

wait..... really?

"no.... no... its the best movie ever!!"

are you sure your not over selling it?

"TRUST ME.. there is NO POSSIBLE WAY for me to OVER SELL THIS MOVIE!!!"

hmmmmm.....

so I see it.. and guess what?

OVER SOLD!!

I mean it was good.. great sweeping city scapes, some cool gadgets and a truck that gets flipped over.. but.. whats up w/ the Poor editing, convulted over lapping, irritating story lines, sloppy direction and crap crafted action sequences?

You've got sooo many characters and SOooo much story to cover... you dont have the time to REALLY feel strongly for any ONE of them... so the movie just sort of paces along and you dont really give a f*ck about anyone on screen....

Its like.. the BIGGEST HOllywood movie of the year.. is trying NOT to be hollywood at all. I mean.. yes we ALLL know Christopehr Nolen is an independent film director.. but just bc George Cloonster and Fat Lip Kilmer sucked up the last 2 batmans.. doesn't mean you can't Use certain ideas and concepts to make your movie likeable to a broader audience...

But Zia.. this movie is supposed to be REALLY reallistic..

OHhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay...

dont get it twisted.. i have no problem with th excecution and explanation of the bruce wayne to batman story line... FLAWLESS ( i think i cried in batman begins).. I mean.. just kidding..

but if you thinkg a dude with 45 lbs of rubber and a cape that can't turn his head is beating up more than say.. half a person?.. you are sadly mistaken my friend..I mean i have an easier time that whatever Adam West was wearing when HE played batman was easier to move around in then what Christian Bale Wears!!!

and w/ the awsome usage of CGI there is no reason you coudln't mimic batman the animated series movements...

"but he wanted to keep it real and raw"

okay FINE!

how about this.. have you seen hell boy?.. whoever played hellboy had on MAAAAD prosthetices. simlar to what batman wears but man.. youshould have SEEN HIM MOVE!!

it was f*cking incredible!!.. the WHOLE time i watched that movie i was thinking.. " why can't btman move like that"

C'mon dog.. this is supposed to be the BIGGEST movie in the Summer.. and you've got ME making editing corrections and pointing out ani-climactic moments?

so i knOW what your thinking?

"Blah blah blah Zia.. what about the Joker Whaaaa!"

fine... your right.. the joker was awsome.. but theres no need to talk like a baby... thats just wierd and annoying..

.... but no... i THINK... what everyone was talking about calling this best movie of the summer was Heath Leadgers Posthumus<-- is that how you spell it?.... Role as the "Joker" sick, twisted, hilarious, and fun!!

I recently had the honor of seeing this movie on a 104" screen in HD and it

was

Fan

tas

tic!

I was on the EDGE of my SEAT every time that crafty litte clown came on screen!!! It just seemed so REAL.. that i was like stressing like.. " OMG.. is he REALLY going to do that to her FACE?!!!.. (Zia you've seen this twice before.. ) DOESNT Matter. things are so clear this time things could be HORRIBLY different!!!!

an EXCELLENT Performance... Heath will go down in the history books as classic criminal masterminds played by Robert Dinero, All Pachino or even Denzel Washington.
an INSTANT Icon.. ( the make up doesn't hurt nis noteabilty either)

and even the Movie Studio Knew IT!!.. the movie was BARLEY promoted by batman.. it was all Joker

"Why so serious" Why so serious " Why so serious?"

AWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwsome stuff..

but back to the point..

I love Batman.. the MOVIE WAS CALLED BATMAN!!.. I went to SEE IT FOR BATMAN!!!!

i've watched every movie, and i've seen 80% of the cartoons...

and the cartoons are FANTASTIC!!!... a sleek sophistcated art deco style low tech animation; show casing batmans technologies and innovations so you KNOW he's not faking it; but at the same time the light and shadow interplay just give you a peak of this looming creature from the criminals prespective.. and its TERFFIFYING!!!!

and he was so fluid and agile..

something that NO batman movie has been able to capture..

but now im veering off the subject.

the Point is..

"The Dark Knight" was okay..

if you named the movie.. " Why so Serious".

or the " Jokers revenge"?

or " The Last Mimzy or even " Water Horse"

that would have been one of the greatest movies of all time..

But its Not.. its Called the Dark Knight..

and The Knight did Not deliver. I dont blame Christian Bale...

I blame Christopher Nolan.. stop trying to be all " under ground and cool"

and Make a relevant movie that echos the potential that batman has!

do a Sin City type thing.. stylish uniqe and creative.. higlighting shadows to help tell story..

you know what!!

I shoudln't be helping you!!! think this through..

My point is.. get it together "CN".. your independent film making style isn't WELCOME HERE!!!!

ya Dig?

*check out more of my reviews on Sazze.com